[Anonymous]

Hello,
Am new here & needed some advice. I live in France & my boyfriend lives in Ireland. We’ve been dating for around 4 mths. He works almost 7 days a week (works with horses) & is very busy. He was extremely enthusiastic about the relationship in the beginning & I was not that interested in him but he grew onme. He drove the relationship & decided in December that in order for it to work, he would come to France every 2 wks & I would go over there every 2 wks, that way, we would both be doing the same amount of travel etc He did warn me his job would get busier & that he’d be very busy until May

It turned out that I did most of the travelling over there & it was usually last minute plans from him to tell me he couldn’t make it over, which kinda messed up some of my wknds (am quite organised). He actually never made it over to France, however, he was very apologetic about it & paid for all my plane tickets to go over there for the weekend & made huge efforts when I was there, taking me to restaurants, cooking, etc etc however he was quite taken up with his work & Sunday was the only real day he relaxed.

End of March, I went over to Ireland for a week’s holiday & stayed in a hotel with my mother. He told me he’d like to come & see me on the Sunday night I arrived, stay in the hotel but that he would have to get up around 4 am to go back & work. I told him it was a a crazy idea but if that’s what he wanted. So, when I arrived over there, it turned out he was too busy to come down & I was disappointed he didn’t make it & he also called me last minute to tell me (although wonem’n intuitin told me he wouldn’t make it!). I was a bit cold with him for the week I was in Ireland but the plan was for me to spend the last wknd with him.

I had a great week with my mother, but contact was a bit cold that week, but towards the end he called me & asked me about coming to his place etc He gave me train times for me & my mother etc & I went & stayed with him for the wknd. My mother advised I have a heart to heart with him as to why he never made it down to see me (I live in France, he could have organised himself better & made an effort to see me the one time am in the same country as him!). We got on fine over the wknd. However, I had a close chat with him on the Sat night. I told him that i was upset that he didn’t come down. Also, I told him that I would really like him to come over & see me & that the last minute plans were disrupting things for me & that if he was too busy right now, it didn’t matter, I had plenty of friends & things to do in Paris & would just wait until things calmed down. Later on, I also made a comment about him not being too interested in sex & was he too tired etc (I am used to French men being a lot more active & as its been a long time since I’ve gone out with an Irishman, admit I was confused that the sex was not more frequent in the first few mths). I had to get these things off my chest as in the past, I would have just let them build up, so I was speaking from the heart, but maybe it was too much for him, now, when I look back. He listened, said ok, & that I had given him “food for thought”. On the Monday, he was busy & didn’t spend much time with me (but that was nothing new) & I got my own way to the airport.

When I got back to Paris, I was a little cold with him & went to the movies for 2 nights in a row as wanted to think about things. He tried desperately to call me. On the third night, he got through to me & we chatted,like we normally do for about an hour. He asked me how I was & i told him i was a bit down, missed my mother & just had post holiday blues simply…

Let me tell you that since I started dating him, this guy was on the phone to me EVERY night for about an hour, sometimes 2. When he didn’t call he apologised. He paid all my flights from Paris to Dublin from Jan to March & at one stage gave me his credit card number in order for me to make the booking myselft.

That weekend was then Easter, he called me & we spoke briefly about an easter egg he was looking for for his son. Then over Easter, nothing.

Ever since, nothing ! Has has literally stopped calling me.No texts,calls, nothing. Its been really hard.

I am pretty strong at no contact so left it for 2 weeks. I then decided to call him as so out of charachter. He was with his son & couldn’t talk. He wanted to chat however about Paris, my job, but NOT about us. He told me he’d call me back the next day, but never did.

2 more weeks have gone by, nothing. I decided to send him a text at the weekend just to tell him that I was there, that i cared for him, & I apologised for having been maybe too harsh in my conversation with him. That was Friday night. I told him that I was there if he wanted to talk or to let me know if he had come to any conclusions, & ended that we were both adults & life was too short for silence. Still nothing.

Its been a month & nothing from him.

He’s actually coming to Paris next week for business, i know for sure & am wondering if he’ll contact me. How do I know what going on, I need closure or to know what’s happening, although I fear the worst..

What do you think?

Thanks
C.

[Ask April Masini]

I think it’s pretty clear he’s broken up with you. I’m sorry you don’t want to admit it, but the facts speak for themselves. 😳

Don’t contact him when he comes to France. You’ve already done more than enough (and than you should have). If he wants to contact you, trust me, he knows how to do so and will.

For future, it’s ALWAYS my suggestion that you let the man chase you and don’t do ANYTHING that looks like you’re making it easy for him. You’d do really well to read my book called Think & Date Like A Man. You can download it here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. While the concepts may seem American in style, they’re not. These are concepts and theories that work for men and women worldwide.

I hope this helps. 🙂

[Anonymous]

Hi,
Thanks April, I already sent a reply but not sure where it went !

I am an NC (no contact) queen & have practised it a lot in the past. I did NC in the past after the BU of a 6 year relationship & I never contacted the guy & deeply regretted it as I never found out why he really left (he contacted me 3 mths later).It helped with certain types of siutations but I feel with this one, I was so confident & we get on so well it was actually worrying me to not hear from him. I did give wait 2 wks too which is a long time…

I don’t really understand how someone can phone you for an hour & day & then just stop calling. Obviously the talk we had was too much for him & he’s probably opted for an easy way out which is a bit shitty really !!! No argument at all, we got on well…

He’s the one that was sure this would all work out, he’s the one that was 100% driving for this relationship, he’s the one who told me he’d fallen for me, that we should see each other every 2 wks, he’s the one who paid the flights, gave me his credit card etc etc He’s made a huge effort but that one time I went to Ireland, he never made it down & it upset me…surely just because of that he didn’t want out !?

I am very independent indeed & he knows this, (one shouldn’t even contemplate having a LDR if one isn’t). I believe that is one thing that attracted me to him…I didn’t put any pressure on at all as regards commitment…

This guy was a really close friend too, how could he just stop calling ? I can’t figure out if it means he’s got emotional issues or if he’s just not such a nice guy, I don’t know what category to put him into…its so confusing….

I realise it may be stress & he’s a lot on his plate but it could be for loads of reasons, how will i know which one ?

Why throw away a perfectly good relationship because of one serious little talk !?

He’s coming to Paris next week & d’ont worry, I have absolutely no intention of contacting him.

How can I get closure on somebody doing this ? I have riding gear at his place which I have to get back eventually.

How can I know
1. If its really definitely over ?
2. If so why ?
3. Get my stuff back ? (I have affairs at his place)

Thank you for your advice..
Rgrds
C.

[Ask April Masini]

If you want closure, look at your phone and see that it’s not ringing. That’s how you get your closure when a man cuts off communication with you. He’s not interested. He hasn’t called you since Easter. Do you need a neon billboard that says he’s not interested to help you get closure? 😆

In a relationship, which you no longer have, you don’t get to know what’s in another person’s head unless they want to share their feelings with you. He doesn’t, and he doesn’t owe you an explanation. So for you to assume you are entitled to know his feelings is presumptuous. 😕

If you want your things back, simply ask him to mail them to you.

For future, my advice is that you read my book called Think & Date Like A Man, written for women who are interested in having better relationships than the ones they’ve had in their pasts. I think you’ll get a lot out of it. You can download it here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

I hope that helps. 🙂

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