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I’m in a five-year relationship with a man who has a child from a previous relationship. They don’t get along and by “don’t get along” I mean his child’s mother calls and texts him almost constantly, deliberately trying to start fights between us. It started as annoying and has escalated into full-on harassment: late-night texts, accusatory calls, and messages aimed at disrupting our peace.
He tells me he’s had it he hates the drama and says it stresses him out but because there’s a child involved he keeps answering, engaging, and trying to manage things on his own. I get why he feels responsible; kids need parents who can co-parent. But watching him get worn down, watching arguments land in our home, and feeling excluded from decisions about how to handle her behavior is eating at me. My own trust and patience are fraying.
We’ve talked about it. He swears he’s done nothing to deserve this and that he’s trying to be civil for the kid’s sake, but “being civil” seems to mean tolerating repeated harassment. I don’t know where the line is between reasonable co-parenting contact and emotional abuse through relentless messaging. I also worry about escalation if she’s constantly baiting him, could this lead to public scenes or legal trouble? I want him to be a good dad and to keep the kid’s life stable, but I also want my partner to be respected and for our home to feel safe.
Has anyone dealt with a persistent ex who uses the kid as leverage to harass? What’s realistic for a partner in his position should he put up with it because a child is involved, or is there a point where strong boundaries (or legal steps) are appropriate? How do you balance protecting the child’s relationship with their parent while stopping the toxic behavior aimed at you and your partner? What practical steps worked — firm boundaries, blocking numbers, written co-parenting plans, mediation, cease-and-desist, or something else? I need concrete, compassionate advice: what do I say to him

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