[trucalling]

So really this is more of a rant. I have been with my Boyfriend for just over 6 months now. He still speak to a lot of exa and people who he’s hooked up with in the past I’m ok with it is though I’ve had some issues in the past mainly insecurity.

We have always been pretty open and direct so I knew what i was in for. He was with a guy for 4 years this was two years ago the guy is older and pretty wealthy. They lived together and have lots of memories which i get to hear about but thats fine we all come with a past recently he came to London and they met up. he told me this was happening i was a little pissed off because there was a family wedding which i invited him too but he said he didn’t want to meet all my family at once though he has met immediate family. But it still wasn’t nice to think of him spending the day with his ex while i was on my own at the wedding.

(SORRY RAMBLE) i got over this but from that his ex then invited him to an event in Belgium which he said yes to and told me about i keep getting in a bad mood when its mentioned they will be staying in the same hotel room and spending 3 nights and 4 days together while I’m at home.

My question is am i stupid for allowing this? When i have got annoyed and said I’m not happy about it i feel like I’m being the insecure naggy boyfriend am i just over reacting? he says there just friends which i do believe though they hadn’t seen each other in person for 2 years till london meeting and i do trust him but drink 3 nights :/ also its about him building even more memories with his ex.

Ok rant over just really needed to vent any advice options appreciated

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]My question is am i stupid for allowing this? When i have got annoyed and said I’m not happy about it i feel like I’m being the insecure naggy boyfriend am i just over reacting? [/quote]

You’re not [i]stupid[/i] for sticking with him when he’s seeing other people. I would never call you stupid. 😉 But I don’t think this is a relationship that’s right for you, because it sounds like you want a monogamous relationship, and at the six month mark, you should know each other well enough to decide if this is going to be mutually monogamous or not. He’s making it pretty clear, he’s not that interested in monogamy with you. But instead of accepting that and sorting out your next move, you’re trying to talk yourself into staying and being okay with this. You won’t be. 🙁 I don’t think you should get angry at him, because he’s being pretty clear. But I do think that if you want a commitment, this isn’t the relationship for you — and you’re going to turn into someone you don’t like very much if you stay, knowing who he is, accepting who you are, and not liking the differences between the two of you. 😳 I think it’s already happening. 😕

Let me know if you have any other questions.

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[Lune David]

Wow… my jaw actually dropped a little reading this. 😅

You’re here wondering if you’re “stupid,” meanwhile your boyfriend is out here planning a 3-night European getaway with his ex in the same hotel room like it’s a reunion tour. Sir… what?!

Look, insecurity isn’t the problem. Common sense is screaming, and you’re trying to put it on mute. Anyone would feel weird about their partner taking a mini-vacation with an ex they lived with for 4 years. That’s not insecurity — that’s basic survival instincts.

If he wants to build “new memories,” he can take you to Belgium instead of giving you FOMO from the sofa.

Stay strong — and maybe keep an eye on hotel room upgrades. 😂

[Natalie Noah]

You’re feeling torn part of you wants to be the easygoing partner who doesn’t “overreact,” but another part is quietly hurting, and that pain is telling you something important. What’s happening here isn’t about being dramatic or insecure. It’s about being in a relationship where one person wants a certain level of emotional safety and exclusivity… and the other person clearly doesn’t prioritize that in the same way. When someone chooses to spend multiple days and nights in another country with an ex same hotel room, drinking, shared history that’s not a small boundary. That’s something any reasonable partner would struggle with.

It also sounds like you’re trying very hard to talk yourself into being okay with it, instead of asking whether the relationship actually fits your needs. There’s nothing wrong with him keeping friendly contact with an ex, but this is way beyond casual friendliness. And the bigger issue is that he’s not adjusting any of his choices to make you feel secure not even a little. You’re offering commitment, consideration, and emotional openness. He’s offering transparency, yes, but not the kind of partnership that protects the relationship or honors your feelings. You deserve more than being told to simply “trust” someone while they choose situations that would make anyone uneasy.

This isn’t about policing him, and it’s not about jealousy. It’s about compatibility. One person wants monogamy and emotional reassurance. The other person is comfortable maintaining closeness with an ex in ways that cross your boundaries. You’re already starting to shrink yourself to make it work, and that kind of self-betrayal never stays small it grows, and it hurts. You’re not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. You’re not “naggy.” You’re not overreacting. You’re simply realizing the two of you are not aligned… and that realization is trying to protect you, not punish you.

[Member]

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