[Hannah]

Early in our relationship, my husband made a terrible financial decision behind my back, lying to me about it and losing a significant amount of our shared savings. He was deeply remorseful and has spent the last few years being completely transparent and working to rebuild my trust. I chose to forgive him and stay, but I’ve realized I haven’t truly let it go. I find myself second-guessing his decisions, and the resentment bubbles up during unrelated arguments. He feels like he’s serving a life sentence for one mistake. How do I truly move on and stop punishing him for a past he can’t change?

[Isabella Jones]

Thank you for sharing this. What you’re describing is one of the hardest parts of forgiveness—realizing that saying “I forgive you” doesn’t always mean your heart has caught up with your words. It sounds like your husband has done a lot of the work to rebuild trust, but you’re still carrying the invisible bruise that moment left behind. That doesn’t make you cruel; it makes you human.

Betrayal, even outside of infidelity, shakes the sense of safety that trust creates. You can love someone and still feel wary; both can be true at the same time. Sometimes, the lingering resentment isn’t about punishment—it’s about your heart asking for reassurance that what happened once won’t happen again. Healing from that requires both self-compassion and communication that goes deeper than “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you.”

Maybe part of moving forward is allowing yourself to grieve the version of your relationship that existed before the betrayal—because that loss was real. Once you give yourself permission to mourn it, you might find it easier to fully accept the new version that’s trying to grow in its place.

You seem like someone who leads with love but also holds herself to a very high emotional standard. Be gentle with that part of you—it’s okay if healing takes longer than forgiveness did. 💛

When those old feelings resurface, what helps you soothe them—does your husband know what you need in those moments, or is that something you two could gently explore together?

[Alina Moreau]

Forgiving a major betrayal—especially one that isn’t cheating—can still feel just as painful. The first step is acknowledging your hurt instead of brushing it off. Betrayal, by definition, shakes trust, and it’s okay to sit with that pain for a while.

Next, try to understand the context without excusing it. Why did it happen? What were their intentions? Understanding helps you process, even if it doesn’t justify their actions.

Then, decide what forgiveness really means for you. It doesn’t have to mean forgetting or letting them off the hook—it can simply mean choosing peace over anger, for your own well-being. Boundaries are still allowed; forgiving doesn’t mean you have to accept the same patterns again.

Take your time. Forgiveness is a process, not a moment—and it’s okay to move at your own pace.

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