[want2change]

My boyfriend works out of town a lot (3 weeks at a time). We have been together for 2 years, and he has never cheated on me, yet I always freak out that he is going to cheat while he is away working. I trust him, but I have been cheated on in past relationships, and maybe this is giving me issues. We are so in love and he gives me all of his trust, and it hurts him when I start acting like a psycho jealous idiot. A lot of his coworkers are either single, or not so great husbands and I am assuming that him hanging around with them will maybe make him mess up. I worry that they will go out partying and maybe he would get caught up in the moment and do something he regrets. I think it’s ridiculous that I am worrying about something that hasn’t happened, and probably won’t happen, yet I can’t stop being like this! It’s exhausting, embarrassing, and makes me look very childish and insecure. I honestly don’t think he will do anything, but I can’t stop making up scenarios in my head and saying “What if this, what if that”. Should I be judging him by the coworkers he stays with out of town? He is his own person, and has pretty strong values and doesn’t ever conform to the way others think he should be. I seriously think he is awesome and loyal and think that I have issues that are making me take his loyalty for granted. What can I do to stop myself from assuming the worst from him? He deserves to be able to go to work and not have his girlfriend basically tell him he’s going to cheat. I need to find a way to change this behavior. Help!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You ask a good question. The problem is in your head since he’s never given you reason to believe he’s cheated on you or will cheat on you in the two years you’ve been dating. Your fear stems from your past emotional baggage. Time to drop that luggage off for good! 😉 Since the problem started in your head, you have to fix it in your head. If you don’t, you’re going to drive him away — but you already know that. So try and understand WHERE the problem came from and how you’ve done things differently this time to choose someone who is honest and trustworthy. Then tell yourself that he’s really, truly a good guy who’s never once given you reason to believe ill of him. You’re going to have to go over this litany in your head more than once — but keep it to yourself. This is a process you should leave him out of. Insecurity isn’t attractive.

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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