[Anonymous]

I am 41 years old and have been married and divorced 3 times. I am currently dating a 34 year old man. According to him, we are exclusively dating and committed to each other but not “boyfriend and girlfriend.” I love him more than I have loved any other man in my life and I want more from the relationship. He says that he loves me and he is in love with me. He does not want to enter into a “relationship” because he says that he needs to get on his feet so that he can hold up his end of the relationship. I am confuses. He spend holidays together, attend family functions together, hang out with each others family and spend time together. He insists that we are not in a relationship but we do not deal with anyone of the opposite sex romantically. This truly feels like a relationship. We even go to church together! We are currently planning on taking a vacation together in April. My friends say that I should not complain because he gives me everything that I want and things are good between us. I want to be his “girlfriend.” He says that when he is in a relationship, it consumes him and he will lose focus of his goals. He wants to complete a few things before he loses focus. We have only been dating for 6 months. How long should I wait for him to totally commit to me before I move on?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Having three failed marriages by age 41 is a flashing yellow light that you need to do things differently in your relationships. 😮 Lose the confusion: If the guy you’re dating, going to church with and vacationing with says he does not want to be your “boyfriend” or be in “a relationship” with you — understand he’s not ready and he’s saying this to you because he doesn’t want a full commitment. He’s being very clear that he has an out.

Because of your age, your three failed marriages and your six months of dating this guy, it’s time for you to move on and find someone who at six months of dating IS ready for a commitment. If he can’t focus or multitask enough to be in a relationship and do the other things he has to do in his life, at his age, he’s not the right one for you now.

Sorry!

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