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How should I handle being blackmailed?

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    PeteSmith
    Member #374,567

    When I was boy of 15, another boy propositioned me. I naturally (for a 15 year old) recoiled from him. A few days later my younger sister complained about having somebody following her. The next day my admirer made it perfectly clear that he was going to have either her or me, and it was my choice. After school, I followed him into some nearby woods and allowed him to have sex with me. Until he left school, we would have a sexual encounter 2-3 times a week.

    I hadn’t seen him for nearly ten years until last month. I met him by accident in a bar, and he picked up exactly where he had left off by threatening my family. So we left together and had intercourse for the first time in nearly a decade. I’ve been meeting him twice a week since to service him.

    I’d love to bring this to an end but I have no proof of blackmail, nor do I have any marks on me to indicate being physically forced into sex. I can’t risk my wife or sister being hurt, so I’ve resolved to keep satisfying him sexually for as long as it takes. I’m just terrified that my wife will eventually find out. Should I keep it a secret and hope for the best, or should I tell her. And, if I do decide to tell her, how do you advise me to approach the subject?

    #35078

    You’re 25 years old, and it’s time to take yourself out of the victim role. If you don’t, this is going to end badly — worse than it’s been going on. You have to come clean to your wife and your family about what’s going on. There’s no other way around this. What you’ve been avoiding is what keeps you in this victim role. I don’t know how your wife is going to react to this, but it’s much better if you are the one to tell her about this in order to stop this dynamic, than if she finds out from someone else or on her own. Be completely honest with her and get it all out so you can stop being blackmailed and being a victim.

    You might want to also consult an attorney to find out about whether this situation is a legal one as well as a relational one.

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