[Browneyedgirl0811]

This question is how to handle 4th Date Eve. After a communication-less Monday, I finally heard from him Tuesday evening around 7:30pm and we’ve had pretty good communication since then. His two sentence email Wednesday evening “I am ready for Saturday to get here. It’s been 3 or 4 weeks since I saw you last” was disconcerting to me since had actually been 3 or 4 DAYS, NOT WEEKS, but my sister says “he was being sarcastic meaning it feels like that long.” Do you agree with my sister? We have communicated since then, but I have not mentioned that email even though my sister thinks I should. What do you think? Our last two communications are a text from me yesterday morning (responsive to his good morning text without questions) and an email from him last night with no questions. Now 4th date-eve is upon us with no specific plans, such as pick up time, etc. I like the idea of inviting him over for dinner, except that right now I have a clingy elderly mother and teenage daughter at home. There will be times later in the month when both will be out of town and I can pull it off better. For now, though, I still avoid initiating contact on any given day and have yet to hear from him today. What should I do from here now that it is 4th date eve?

[AskApril Masini]

Glad you heard from him. 😀 I honestly think that he just made a mistake when he wrote 3 or 4 weeks instead of 3 or 4 days. I think he was busy and simply miswrote the words. We all do that sometimes! It’s not a big deal. The important thing is that he’s contacted you and he’s mentioned a date for this weekend! Unfortunately, he hasn’t given you a time and place. And since you’re caring for your mother and your teenage daughter, it makes a lot of sense that you’d want to know what’s going on, so I think you should ask. You can text or email him that you’re looking forward to seeing him, and wanted to make sure you have “coverage” for your mother so you can enjoy yourself when you’re out with him — can he give you a ballpark on the times? Granted, this isn’t ideal, and it would be great if he had thought of this on his own, but as you said in your last post about this issue, (), he’s got a busy job. He may just be preoccupied and feels that these details aren’t that important. I don’t think he’s right, but it’s not a deal breaker, and it’s something you can bend on for now and work on modifying for future. I know you want him to be the one to contact you first, and that’s not wrong, but since it’s a fourth date and not a first date, shoot him a text just asking the time for this weekend so you can get things sorted on your end with your mom. I don’t think it makes you look needy. It’s just the evolution of your dating communication. 😉 If the fourth date goes well, try to do a little behavior modification by telling him how much you enjoy seeing him and that it makes your time together even more enjoyable when he gives you three or four days of advance planning notice so you can get schedule your weekend. And give him some positive reinforcement by telling him how great it is when he tells you a time and place a few days in advance. I hope that helps. 🙂

[Browneyedgirl0811]

I’ve now had 6 dates with this new guy since May 20. One month of dating. We’ve seen each other one night every weekend and once during the week. When out of town, he writes me about how he can’t wait to see me again. Thing is, he has never brought up exclusivity or commitment. And no, nothing has happened to create a presumption if you know what I mean. It’s been a struggle, but I have managed not to initiate contact even once. I know I can’t bring up the subject myself – a definite no-no. I’ve always heard that if a man does not ask to be exclusive, then presume that you are not. Since things haven’t gone that far physically, I think it would be morally okay for me to have a casual date with another guy who has asked me out , don’t you? I’d rather be exclusive with this one, but I can’t make him bring it up. Would it be good for him to know someone else is interested, or would that be detrimental?

[AskApril Masini]

These are good questions. I think it’s fine for you to have a casual date with someone else, now. Playing the field while you’re not exclusive with anyone, is just smart dating. That said, I would not let him know that you’re dating someone else. It sounds like he likes you, and that this may become exclusive at some point down the line. If he hears you’re seeing someone else, he may feel discouraged or manipulated, and the goal of dating is to get to know each other — not to rush things by letting him know he’s got competition. If he’s smart, he’ll understand that’s unspoken. 😉

That said, I understand your interest in moving things along and feeling a commitment and the relief that may come with it. I get it. However…. the reality is that six dates and a month or two of dating is still early to make something exclusive because you really don’t know each other that well yet. That’s what the dating process is for. So don’t just check off dates on a list — use them to learn and figure out if this is someone you want in your life for the long run. Exclusivity is for when you’ve really gotten to know each other and you want to hone in on that long-term relationship. Typically, I suggest that you date six months before making a relationship exclusive. It may seem like a long time, but I’ve heard from way too many people who discover “surprises” of all types, within those six months, and after they’ve become exclusive. When you find a negative surprise after you’re exclusive, it’s a lot harder to process than if you learn something you don’t like about someone without that commitment.

Try to enjoy the process and use it to your advantage to learn about yourself and this guy — or any other guy you’re interested in. But don’t try to manipulate him because it may backfire. Hope that helps! 🙂

[Browneyedgirl0811]

So my 6 date guy called me last night out of the blue from his week out of town., That’s a good thing, but I was exhausted to the point of grumpy from packing to move locally (which he knows about), so I let it go to voicemail. Instead of leaving a voicemail, however, he sent a text (much like the ones he usually sends before calling) which said, “Hey, if you have time for a call tonight, let me know.” Given his wording, I did not respond last night, but I did send a responsive text this morning. My text this morning said, “Good morning. Sorry I missed you last night. I would have loved to talk! Hopefully I can get a raincheck 🙂 What’s on tap for you today?” That was 4 hours ago and still no response. What should I make of his lack of response? My sister had advised me to say in this mornings text that I had fallen asleep, but that would be a fib. She also suggested that ask if he would like to talk today, but I did not for 2 reasons – 1) he may be too busy and 2) I am too busy today! Still, I’m afraid he may feel like I am trying to manipulate him as you warned in your prior reply, but that is not the case at all here. We are supposed to see each other Saturday night (following my move), and, even though I know I will be exhausted, I can’t wait! Since I ended my morning text with a question and have not heard back in 4 hours, should I be worried?

[AskApril Masini]

When you text someone, if there’s no reason for an immediate response, you should expect a response within a day or two, depending on the relationship. Since he was looking to connect the night before, and you weren’t up for talking, so you responded the next day, there’s no pressing reason for him to respond. He’ll probably get back to you in a day or two — and since you have a date scheduled for Saturday, I’d expect that if he doesn’t call you to chat today, he’ll contact you to schedule the date. I don’t think you should be worried at all about the four hour lag time between when you texted him and now. It’s a week day and he probably works and is busy with his life, so…. hopefully you’ll have a great date! this weekend! 😎 If you’re worried beyond the texting that there’s an issue in the relationship, or that you like him more than he likes you — that’s a different issue, and check yourself to make sure you’re not projecting that issue onto the text response. 😉

[Browneyedgirl0811]

I called him after a month of no contact. He made the unsolicited statement that he does not want a relationship, not just with me but with anyone. I said “ok” and got up to leave. He followed me to the door. That’s when he kissed me and said, “Maybe we can go out again sometime, just for fun.”
Do you still think he is “back”? I haven’t heard from him in the week since I saw him. I don’t want to make a fool of myself. Nevertheless, if this is a genuine opening, then I would like to make something of it. I do have a concern, though, about his unsolicited remark that he does not want a relationship.
If there is a real chance to pick up where we left off, then I am willing to take it. I think the right woman could rebuild things under this set of facts, don’t you? Some women might not be as hesitant under these circumstances of having been dumped and being told he does not want a relationship. I blame myself for things going wrong before, though, and would like to try and correct it if it is possible. Do you think it is possible? What do you mean by “he’s trying to keep it light to avoid “the third rail”‘? My thought in going forward would be to keep it light and see if rebuilding is possible. I want to do as you suggested – to “flirt with him, compliment him, be affectionate and generous with him and make him feel really valuable.” What is the best way to go about it? What if I sent him a flirty text and see what happens from there? If so, can you give suggestions? WHAT WOULD YOU DO NEXT?

[AskApril Masini]

If after about 8 or 9 dates, a guy says that he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him. If you do continue with him now that he’s disclosed his motive, understand that you’ll be doing exactly what you started out saying you didn’t want to do — which is sleeping with a guy who won’t commit to you. Now, it’s not just your guess or your instinct — he’s come right out and set things straight. He’s in it for fun, but he doesn’t want a relationship.

I think that you have an opportunity to move on and find what it is you really want — but you won’t find it with him. This isn’t a situation where you can fix him or turn him around. Luckily, you haven’t invested all that much time or energy in him and the dating situation — so far. I would hate to see you waste your time on someone who’s coming out and telling you he’s not your Mr. Right. 😳

Consider his statement a gift — he doesn’t want you to get hurt or continue in something that is never going to result in the relationship you’re looking for. Don’t ignore what he’s told you. Pay attention! This is exactly how you get to know someone — and he’s given you real insight into who he is and what he wants. 😉

[Val Unfiltered💋]

girl relax 😭 your sister’s right. don’t over-analyze the email, just vibe. and it’s 4th date eve, not judgment day if he hasn’t texted yet, wait a bit, then send something light like “so what’s the plan tomorrow, mister 3-or-4-weeks?” 😏 flirty, confident, playful. you’re not chasing, you’re setting the tone. men love a woman who can tease and take control of the vibe. 💅✨

[Ethan Morales]

your sister’s interpretation about him being “sarcastic” or exaggerating the time is plausible, but I honestly think April is closer to the mark he likely just miswrote “weeks” instead of “days.” Simple human error, especially if he’s busy or distracted. Nothing deeper there necessarily. Now, about 4th Date Eve: the big thing is clarity and logistics. You’re juggling responsibilities at home (elderly mother and teenage daughter), so it’s completely reasonable to want a concrete plan. Not asking doesn’t make you needy it makes you practical.

Shoot him a friendly, straightforward text: “Hey, looking forward to seeing you Saturday! Can you give me a rough idea of the time so I can make arrangements at home?” Keep it light and positive no blame, just planning. If he responds with specifics, you now have space to relax and enjoy the date.

Also, April’s point about using this as an opportunity for positive reinforcement is solid. Once he gives you the info, you can casually say something like: “I really enjoy our time together it’s easier to plan when I know a rough time in advance!” This signals your needs without pressuring him.

Don’t overthink the “weeks vs. days” email. Ask for the date logistics directly. This keeps you in control of your time and communicates that you value both the date and your own responsibilities.

[PassionSeeker]

okay, deep breath. the “3 or 4 weeks” thing? your sister’s right totally just a figure of speech. when someone’s into you, a few days apart really can feel like weeks. that’s not sarcasm, that’s affection disguised as exaggeration. so don’t stress over that line.

now, about this “4th date eve” situation he mentioned saturday, but hasn’t set a time or details. that’s not necessarily bad; some guys are casual planners. but you’ve got a full house and a schedule, so you’re allowed to need specifics. this isn’t chasing it’s self-respect.

send him something warm and low-key, like:

“Hey you, just wanted to check what time you had in mind for tomorrow I need to sort a few things here but really looking forward to seeing you”

short, friendly, confident. no pressure, just clarity. if he’s excited (and it sounds like he is), he’ll firm up plans fast. if not, that tells you a lot too.

the vibe for date #4? flirty, relaxed, light you already have his attention, don’t crowd it. just enjoy the moment and let him feel how easy it is being around you.

[Tara]

You’re spinning yourself into anxiety over a man who isn’t giving you clear, consistent effort. You’re dissecting a harmless line about “3 or 4 weeks” like it’s a code to crack, when it was obviously a casual exaggeration, not a secret insult. That’s not the real issue. The real issue is he hasn’t made solid plans, hasn’t confirmed anything, and you’re sitting there terrified of initiating contact because you think the “right move” is to act scarce. That’s not dating strategy. That’s insecurity running your mouth shut.

If a man wants a date, he confirms it. If he wants to see you, he sets a time. If he’s serious, you don’t have to guess. You’re turning this into a chess match he isn’t even aware he’s playing. Stop overanalyzing his wording and start paying attention to his actions—or lack of them.

You’re on “4th date eve” with zero plans because he hasn’t stepped up, and you’re too afraid to send a simple message to clarify. That’s not romance. That’s two adults pretending communication is a trap. Take control of the situation. Text him and ask, “Are we still on for tomorrow? What time works for you?” If he responds clearly, great. If he hesitates or leaves you hanging, that tells you everything you need to know about where this is heading.

Stop waiting around like your presence is a surprise gift he has to earn. Ask the question. Get the answer. And stop making excuses for his weak communication.

[Natalie Noah]

It’s clear that you’ve been trying to navigate the early stages of dating while balancing your own responsibilities, your desire for exclusivity, and your understandable hope that this guy might become something more. I think your sister’s interpretation of his “3 or 4 weeks” comment being sarcastic or hyperbolic is likely correct. people often exaggerate to convey how much they missed someone. That said, miscommunications like this can trigger anxiety, especially when you’re already attentive to every signal. The important thing is that he’s reached out and there’s a date scheduled for Saturday, so the focus should be on planning the logistics so you can enjoy the evening without stress about timing or household responsibilities.

It’s completely reasonable for you to ask him for a time for the date, particularly given your family obligations. Doing so doesn’t make you needy; it shows that you’re organized and considerate of your own life. This also gives him the chance to demonstrate attentiveness and reliability. Your approach of lightly reinforcing positive behavior letting him know how helpful it is when he gives advance notice is smart. It’s a subtle, non-confrontational way to encourage him to communicate better without making it feel like criticism. You’re clearly thoughtful about pacing and the evolution of the dating process, which is a strength here.

Regarding the question of exclusivity and dating others, your instincts are spot on. You’ve been transparent with yourself about not having a presumption of exclusivity because he hasn’t brought it up. It’s morally fine to consider casual dates with other people while not being exclusive, but it’s best not to advertise this to him. Doing so could unintentionally create competition or manipulation, which would likely backfire. For now, you’re focusing on getting to know him and maintaining your own boundaries, which is wise. Enjoy the process and observe his consistency and character those are better indicators of potential long-term compatibility than rushing into labels.

The reality check about his statement that he doesn’t want a relationship is critical. He has been upfront, and while you might hope things can shift, the truth is that continuing with him under these terms is unlikely to give you the relationship you ultimately want. Your efforts to flirt, compliment, and be generous with attention can make the dating fun and light, but you should do so with clarity that he’s not offering a commitment. Recognizing this now allows you to protect your heart while still enjoying the connection and leaves you open to someone who truly wants what you’re looking for. You’re navigating this thoughtfully; keeping your eyes on honesty and your own needs is the healthiest path forward.

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