[MCinTX]

Im 21, & have been dating my boyfriend (26) for 3 years. 11/10 we got a home together (we’ve always lived together, we just moved into our first home with both our names on the lease). 3 months later, his mom passed suddenly, leaving his 2 teen siblings parent less. My boyfriend was the amazing man he always is, stepped up & got custody of them. So after thinking long & hard, I agreed to move in w him, as he took over his mom’s house. But after a year now, I have not adjusted, & am miserable in my own home. I’m in the awkward position of being the “brother’s girlfriend” who is only a few years older than them, & they have a SEVERE lack of respect for authority to begin with. I’m paying to live in a home where I clean after people (otherwise it will NOT be done) & I get nothing in return. Regardless of what we try, there’s no privacy, nor do we get any TRUE alone time & that is one thing that I find extremely important. So I’ve made the decision I want to move out- only a few miles away so that I’m still able to help out when needed & can be close by. I HATE doing that to him as I know he has enough on his plate, & he’ll be hurt. Not to mention a large portion of his morher’s furniture was sold so that we could use MINE- which being my family’s actual property, I’d need to take with me. But I am unhappy in my own home, the one place I feel should be my sanctuary. I GENUINELY feel we would ALL be happier, with the exception of seeing my boyfriend even less. I think the kids would respect him more. & constantly being frustrated with even small situations has caused me to be bitter, & I know it’s showing in my relationship with him. So how do I approach him with wanting to move out? If you have any suggestions as far as what I can do to ease the blow, or at least help him see MY situation. I love him with all of my heart & want to do what I can to help him… But I truly feel as though this is the best decision for us all. I’m to the point where I’ve made entirely too many compromises & sacrifices in order to attempt to adjust & appease everyone, with nothing in return. I NEED my “safe place” back, even if that means sleeping alone some nights. I know I’ll make the effort to still spend time with him, but part of me is scared he won’t reciprocate with everything else going on.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Breaking up is hardly ever painless, so trying to avoid hurting him or getting hurt yourself is a good idea, but buckle up, all the same. When you do break up with him, tell him that you love him, but that this situation isn’t right for you and you’ve decided to move on and that you’re very sorry but that staying would turn you into someone neither one of you want you to be. Be prepared for him to want to not want to see you at all. He may decide that he wants to be with someone who can handle the situation (I’m not saying you’re wrong in your decision at all — just advising you to prepare for this scenario.). He’s basically become a single father and dating a guy with kids is not what you signed on for, and many women don’t want that situation. Knowing what you want and what you’re willing to do is important. You seem to know your mind and have made your decision. The breakup will hurt, but not nearly as much as your staying in a situation that is bad for you.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[MCinTX]

Well that’s my problem right there… I don’t want to break up! Now obviously if he’s so upset with me that HE initiates a break up, I know there’s not much I can do at that point. But I actually want to move out and still maintain a relationship. That’s why I’m wondering how to approach it. I still want to be together and make every effort possible to see each other… I just don’t want to live in that house anymore. I need my own privacy and safe place back, so to speak.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You should be upfront and honest with him. There’s no question he’s going to be hurt and he may realize that there isn’t a future together unless it’s just dating “for now”. The bottom line is that he’s become a single parent, and you don’t want to date him as long as he has “the kids”. They’re not going anywhere anytime soon, so it really seems like this relationship is going to be winding down.

I think you’re calling it a “sticky” situation because you don’t want to face the fact that his life has changed immutably. You’re young, and while he is, too, he’s saddled with children. It’s not really sticky at all. It’s very clear. And while it’s very good that you know your self and your mind, the two of you don’t seem like you’re compatible for the long term any more. 😳

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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