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Hello. I’m going to keep this short and to the point. I’m a 23 year old college student, I use to play collegiate football and track and was pretty good on a national qualifier level during my freshman & sophomore years. However too many injuries have sidelined me from sports now in my life. Anyways, me and my “girlfriend” are actually on a break right now, mainly cause of me. We still talk normal but we don’t spend all day and night with each other like we use to and technically we’re not together. She’s 26, does have two kids. That doesn’t bother me and I’m already pretty close to them. Honestly despite the good and accomplishing things I’ve done in my life, I’ve always been the more insecure and unstable when it comes to relationships, especially if I really care about the girl which is definitely the case here. Our first couple of months were amazing and I didn’t pick fights or arguments and complain about stupid things. However once we settled down and I got comfortable, I really started nitpicking everything and I’ve made her feel like I’m constantly on her back 24/7, like about things she posts and says on social media, the people she still talks to in her life that I felt were problems, etc. Recently in the last 2 months our relationship has been just a mess, and we’ve typically only went 2 out of 7 days with no arguing. Idk why I’ve digressed and became this paranoid insecure shell of a man. I hate it about myself… She’s given me so many chances and hasn’t gave up on me like I expected her to a long time ago. She keeps saying she wishes I’d change but all I’ve given her are empty promises essentially with no real change. I’m working on changing, getting my confidence and security to where it needs to be, it’s just a lot harder than people make it seem. I’m definitely the more laid back of the two and she still occasionally likes to party and go out. I got sick of that relatively quick especially with sports being a priority. I just want some honest advice and what you think I may need to do to better myself, for me. And also for her if she sees the change. Either way I want it to be a win-win that way I stay positive moving forward. I have a bad habit of not letting little things go until I’m satisified, and I allow a lot of things to affect me more than I should and I know this, but I don’t manage to keep myself together and I fall apart. I just need some help and guidance.

Thank you for reading.
Erik

[AskApril Masini]

Self esteem isn’t something you pull out of a hat. It comes from real accomplishments, and the fact that you’re a college athlete means that your self esteem is vested in that path. That you’ve been sidelined with injuries is going to affect the way you feel about yourself and the way you see yourself. Without realizing it, there’s a good chance you’re taking out your frustration with your sidelined career, on the relationship. Picking fights over things that aren’t really deal breakers is an indication that you’re not really fighting about those issues — you’re upset about something else and projecting your feelings elsewhere, in this case, onto the relationship. You started your post writing about yourself, and abruptly went into your relationship. I think that’s a sign that you’re more upset about your body, your injuries and your athletic career, which has defined you for so long, changing.

My suggestion is that you put some energy and thought into what you want to do with your life beyond what your body has allowed you to do up until this past year because of injuries. You’re not alone — many college athletes find that they have to put their dreams of playing, aside because of injuries. This is difficult, but ignoring it will create more problems. Consider other career vectors — whether it’s sports broadcasting, sports marketing, sports medicine, working for university athletic division or a professional sports team. When you find your way in the world, which you’ve lost because of the injuries, you’re going to feel a lot more sure of yourself, and you’ll bring that confidence to any relationship you’re in, whether it’s personal, professional or friendship.

Hope that helps!

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