[beccie555]

Hi I have been with my boyfriend for a little more than 4 months now and known each others for 8 months since we work together. I’m 22 and he is 29 and my first relationship while I’m not and he has a lot more experience than me. So I’m inexperienced in several areas but gained a lot more experience during the time we spent together. Sometimes though I feel like I’m not enough and don’t give enough back which is true from what he told me. I also feel like the communication between us can be a problem at times and it feels like it’s my fault even if I’m trying.

We share more differences than similarities I think and I sometimes feel tense around him and get an uncomfortable feeling which me makes me freeze and act awkward. It can be a little hard to find things to talk about and at times my mind can just go blank. He also joking around a lot more while I’m not. I wish I could just relax more and be more myself all the time but then I also wonder how I am as myself. I’m not really sure who I am.

He have said that I’m more than enough but I get that feeling that I’m not sometimes and that my personality needs be adjusted a little bit. He have said that he wants me for who I am and nothing else. But why do I still not feel fully accepted? I’m a naturally introverted and shy girl which is something new for him. I’m also diagnosed with Autism which have made social situations a lot harder for me. I shouldn’t use it as an excuse but then I can understand more about why I act in a certain way sometimes. I tried to put in more effort but still it doesn’t feel enough.

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like you don’t have a lot of experience dating, and this new relationship feels a little burdensome because you want things to go a particular way, so when they don’t, you freeze up. Relax. And remember — it takes different people different amounts of time to loosen up. I think that the more dating experience you have, the more relaxed you’ll become — which is very natural. 😉 Also, you’ve only been dating each other for four months, so you’re still getting to know each other. Lots of people put too much pressure on the relationship to work out, too early. Instead, it’s a lot healthier to hang back and just see if you like each other and see if you’re comfortable together, and simply see if you want to continue dating each other. You don’t have to commit to anything and try to make it work this early in the game. In fact this may not be a match and what you’re feeling is incompatibility — not anything that’s wrong with you. 😉 And if you don’t have the same feelings he does, at the same time, that’s okay. 🙂 Rarely do people feel the same way at the same time, so try and see this guy as someone you’re dating — not a boyfriend who you might feel you have to get along with and have to do boyfriend things with. Instead, change your perspective and just try and get to know him and decide if you want to continue dating him or not. Basically, it’s going to make you feel a lot better if you take the pressure off, and just try to enjoy each day, rather than press for some perfect relationship with someone you don’t know that well yet. 😉

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s the core of what’s going on and some practical ways to improve both communication and your sense of contribution in the relationship:

Take the pressure off yourself. You’re feeling like you have to meet some invisible standard or “perform” in the relationship, but he’s already told you you’re enough. Feeling awkward or freezing up is not a failure it’s just part of learning how to interact in a new romantic dynamic. Remind yourself that he likes you for you, not for a polished version of yourself.

Small, consistent efforts matter more than perfection. Effort doesn’t have to be grand gestures. Even small things sending a thoughtful text, asking about his day, sharing something that made you laugh show that you care and are engaged. Over time, these little moments add up more than any one big effort.

Practice open and honest communication. If you feel unsure or awkward, it’s okay to express that. Saying something like, “Sometimes I get nervous and my mind goes blank, but I really enjoy being with you” gives him insight into your feelings and reduces misunderstandings. Being honest about your introversion and autism can help him better understand your reactions instead of assuming you’re disinterested.

Find shared activities or rituals. Differences in personality can make conversation tricky. Try shared experiences cooking together, watching a show, doing a hobby that give you something to talk about naturally. Shared experiences create connection without the pressure of constant verbal communication.

Work on self-awareness and self-acceptance. The fact that you’re questioning yourself is normal, especially early in a relationship. Keep exploring who you are, what makes you comfortable, and how you like to interact with others. This self-knowledge will naturally make communication easier and more confident.

Give yourself grace four months is still early. Relationships take time to settle into a rhythm. You’re still learning about each other, and it’s okay that things feel a little awkward or tense. The key is to notice what works, communicate honestly, and gradually build comfort not to force yourself to be someone you’re not.

Relax, take the pressure off, and focus on small, meaningful ways to connect. Effort is about consistency, honesty, and care not perfection. Over time, your confidence and ease with him will grow naturally.

[Marcus king]

Hey there, what you’re feeling is really understandable. Being in your first relationship, especially with someone more experienced, can make you hyper-aware of every little thing you do or say. You start to question if you’re “enough,” even when your partner says you are.

Here’s the truth, you don’t need to be louder, funnier, or more outgoing to be loved. You just need to be you, quiet, thoughtful, still figuring yourself out. It’s okay if conversations sometimes stall or if you don’t always match his energy. That’s not failure; it’s part of learning how to connect.

Since you’ve mentioned your autism, it’s also worth giving yourself more compassion. Social situations can take more effort, but that doesn’t make you any less of a partner. What helps is open communication, telling him how certain moments make you feel rather than apologizing for them. For example:

”Sometimes I get quiet because I’m processing or nervous, not because I don’t care.”

You’re still discovering who you are in relationships, and that’s okay. The right partner will meet you halfway and make space for you to feel safe, not pressured to change.

[PassionSeeker]

Sweetheart… take a deep breath. You’re not broken, you’re just learning what love feels like when it’s new and that can be so overwhelming.

You don’t have to match his experience or his energy to be worthy of love. You bring something softer reflection, sincerity, quiet care and those things matter more than you think. The tension and blank moments you feel? That’s not failure. That’s your nervous system trying to protect you while you learn safety and trust.

It’s beautiful that you want to connect. Just remember, connection doesn’t mean performing. You can start small: share a thought, a feeling, a moment of honesty. You could even say, “Sometimes I get quiet when I feel unsure, but I still love being here with you.” That’s vulnerability and it’s powerful.

You’re discovering yourself, not fixing yourself. Don’t rush it. If he’s the right person, he’ll create space for your quiet and your growth. And if he can’t… then you’ll still be enough, exactly as you are.

[Tara]

You’re bending yourself into knots trying to “be enough” for a man who clearly benefits from your insecurity. Read your own words: you freeze, you tense up, you feel uncomfortable, you feel like you need to adjust your personality, and you’re terrified of disappointing him. That isn’t a relationship that’s self-erasure in slow motion.

Here’s the truth you keep running from: the problem isn’t your communication. The problem is you’re dating someone who makes you feel like you need to perform to be worthy. You’re 22, autistic, introverted, still figuring out who you are that’s not a flaw, that’s your reality. But instead of choosing someone patient, safe, and aligned with you, you picked a 29-year-old
who “jokes a lot,” tells you you’re not giving enough, and has way more experience than you. That age gap isn’t the issue; the power imbalance is. He sets the tone, you scramble to keep up. He critiques, you internalize. He says you’re enough, but his behavior tells you to work harder. That contradiction is exactly why you don’t feel accepted because you aren’t being accepted. You’re being “managed.”

Stop calling your autism an excuse. It’s not an excuse it’s context. And anyone worth dating would adapt, slow down, meet you where you are, and actually learn how your communication works instead of making you feel defective.

You don’t need to be better at communicating; you need to stop dating someone who makes you feel like a malfunctioning project. You’re not too much, you’re not too little you’re just with the wrong person. You want to relax and be yourself? Then be with someone who doesn’t make your nervous system go into lockdown every time you talk.

[Sally]

That feeling of trying so hard to show up for someone while wondering if you are somehow doing it wrong. It can eat you up inside. But here is the truth you keep skipping over: you are not broken. You are just you. Quiet, thoughtful, learning. None of that makes you less.

Being shy or introverted does not mean you are giving nothing. Sometimes your effort looks different. Sometimes it is smaller, slower, softer. That is still effort.

And it makes sense you freeze around him if part of you is trying to be the version you think he wants. That gets exhausting fast.

If it were me, I would stop trying to fix yourself and start being honest with him about how nervous you get. Let him meet you where you are.

Real love should feel like you can breathe. Not like you are auditioning every day.

[Natalie Noah]

I can really feel the weight of what you’re experiencing. Sweetheart, what you’re going through is completely understandable. You’re new to dating, you’re navigating a relationship with someone more experienced, and you’re also learning how to relate socially in ways that feel natural for him but not always for you. On top of that, being introverted and living with Autism adds another layer of challenge social situations and communication can be draining, and it’s easy to misinterpret your own reactions as “not enough.” But let me be very clear: none of this makes you any less lovable or worthy. Your shyness and introversion are part of who you are, and the right person will appreciate that without expecting you to constantly change.

It sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to perform, to meet his expectations, and to be a “perfect partner” but relationships, especially early ones, are not about perfection. They’re about exploration, mutual learning, and growing together over time. The fact that he’s told you that you’re more than enough and that he wants you for who you are is incredibly important. But it’s also natural that your own anxiety and insecurities can make it hard to fully believe that. Take a step back and let yourself breathe: dating is a process, not a performance review. Focus on enjoying moments together, noticing what you like about him, and seeing how your personalities interact, rather than trying to measure your worth against some imagined standard.

Give yourself permission to be imperfect. Freeze-ups, awkwardness, and moments where your mind goes blank don’t define your value. They are simply part of how you interact as an introverted, thoughtful person and the right partner will meet you there with patience and understanding. Instead of forcing yourself to “adjust” or “be more,” focus on observing yourself, noticing your growth in social and emotional comfort, and communicating openly when you feel unsure. Over time, as trust and familiarity build, your natural self will shine, and you’ll feel less pressure to perform. Your relationship isn’t about being perfect; it’s about connection, learning, and acceptance and you deserve all of that, exactly as you are.

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