[GoDucks1]

Hello, my name is Lorenzo. I am stuck in an awful situation and desperately need advice.

I’ve been dating a girl for around 3 years and have grown very close to her. She is my best friend, but I am no longer in love with her. I am not physically attracted to her anymore, and honestly cannot remember the last time that I was truly sexually enticed by her. Let me tell you, first, before I go into my issues, that I have felt this way for around 4-5 months, but just don’t have the heart to act on my feelings.

My girlfriend is a wonderful person that has tons of issues with her life. She is financially, emotionally, sexually, and just overall dependent on me almost everything. Her parents neglect her in every way, they have affairs on each other, and she just cannot turn to them for anything, including money, as they are in tremendous debt due to living way out of their means.

She is having to take out loans for private college now, as that is what her family has bred her into thinking she deserves, private school. She loves Portland and does not want to leave me or the city, so she continues to take out loans for school so she can stay here and not have to go back to Idaho, where she is originally from.

She is a kind person, but not as kind as she used to be. I was once attracted to her, but no longer am. I care for her well being so greatly. We have become very, very close friends, but I have simply lost the combination of love and lust that is so crucial for a relationship to last. She depends on me for her happiness, as she has shunned friends to be able to spend time with me.

I am not trying to be a braggart, but I am from a very wealthy family. We have been blessed with financial stability that she just does not have. We have always paid for her food, I have bought her lavish gifts, and pamper her in a way that she could not do now if I were to break up her. I honestly don’t know where she will find the money to eat. She is working on a law degree and just does not have the time to get a job. I feel like my parents have taken her on as a child. With that being said, I am heading to an age where I will be “cut from parent funds.” I don’t know that I will be able to continue feeding her this lavish lifestyle that is used to. She also expects that I will be the one to help pay off her hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt from having to pay for school. I will not be making that kind of money, as I am in a profession where it will take me a long time to be able to even come close to my parent’s income. Along with cutting me off, my parents will, essentially, be cutting her off too. It’s a financial burden that I just don’t think I can handle.

I am a very emotional person. I have a depression disorder and live in the gloomy Northwest where it is now the dead of winter. Every time I think of letting her go, I get so upset at the fact that I know she will be completely crushed. She is also an unstable person who relies on me so much for stability. If I were to tell her that I didn’t want to date anymore, I can only imagine the torment she will go through.

I enjoy her company. Like I said, we are great friends who know everything about each other. She is basically my best friend. I would never want to hurt my best friend, but I want to move on with my life for all of the reasons above and for one more reason—here comes the curveball

— I have fallen for another girl.

I met a girl who I am very attracted to. We sat by each other in class and grew very friendly. We have a ton of things in common and I am very attracted to her, more so than I have ever been with anybody. I never flirted with her just out of guilt of hurting my girlfriend who so desperately depends on me. When it came time for finals, we started a study group. One night, coincidentally, nobody showed up for our study session at my apartment except for her. Naturally, instead of studying, we talked for hours. Before she left for the night, I kissed her. We made-out and certainly could have done a lot more, but I stopped myself. She knew I had a girlfriend, so naturally, she became very confused. I told her all about my situation, and she completely understands and is trying to help me through it. It’s amazing, she is not one bit pushy or trying to get me out of my relationship. She is such a caring person. She is studying in Australia for the semester starting next week, so I will not see her until May. I have told her that I will hopefully be out of my current relationship by then, and that we will, if things go as I plan, be able to start building a relationship the natural way. The other night, I met up with her to talk and things got a little out of hand. We ending up doing things, not sex, but other very very sexual things. Which leads me to my next dilemma–

I am a very religious person who has always believed that cheating is, in no way, condonable on any account. I have cheated on my girlfriend with someone who I want in my future — is that wrong? I want to be with this girl and not my girlfriend, but I can’t get out of my current relationship at the moment.

My girlfriend has had to move home so we will be living 5 hrs away from each other until at least May. This sounds terrible to say, but I miss the new girl more than my girlfriend. A lot more.

I have fallen for another girl, but am so greatly depended on by my girlfriend and do not want to break her fragile heart. That is my dilemma in a nutshell.

What do I do?

Sincerelly,
Lo

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re making way too big a deal of this. 😳 The fact is that you are no longer interested in dating your girlfriend, and if you put yourself in her shoes, she won’t want a boyfriend who isn’t in love with her. Nobody would! So you’re not really doing her a favor by hanging around out of guilt. You have to break up with her, even though it’s uncomfortable. It’s nice that you want to take care of her, but you can’t and it isn’t your responsibility. It’s hers. She’ll figure things out. If she’s smart enough to be in law school, she’s smart enough to make adjustments — but remember that that’s her opportunity, not yours.

My advice is to break up with her right away. The reason you’re cheating on her is because you’re too fearful to face the discomfort of breaking up with her, so your’e subconsciously creating drama instead. The drama will cause the break up, but the better and more mature way to let someone go is to be honest with them. I know it’s uncomfortable and difficult, but you won’t die from it — and neither will she. It’s time for you to face the music and break up with her today so that you can both move on in your respective lives.

I hope that helps. Please let me know how things work out, and follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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