[valxoxo]

So about a month ago, my boyfriend and i went on a “break.” i caved the first week in, being as i was so lonely without him i was doing destructive behavior (drinking/partying), so i called him and asked for the break to be over. he claimed it was too “early and all he did was work and he wanted to spend time with his friends since he didnt get a chance to.” i went insane over hearing this answer that i let a friend convince me to go to a party with her the next day. now he is very anti- drug and alcohol. i went completely out of my mind wasted and im the type of girl who doesnt do drugs, drinking is as far as ill go. my friend is a really bad influence which is why she convinced me to come to this scene in the first place. she was sober and convinced me to do cocaine, when i had no idea what i was doing. i was weary about it but she kept insisting so finally, drunken me, caved and did it. it was posted on snapchat ( a social media source) and his friend saw it. instead of his friend confronting me and asking if i was going to tell him, his friend told him instead. he called me raging mad, screaming through the phone about how he was “done” and then hung up, ignoring me for the rest of the night.he took all of our pictures off instagram that night even and i was chrushed. i went to his house the next day and he told me to “give him a few days” and when i asked if we were broken up he shrugged. after two weeks of stringing me along thinking we had hope, he came to my house for 5 minutes, telling me he still loved and cared about me, but he was just “done.” my friend went to go talk to him for me. she said the only reason he broke up with me was because of the cocaine and that he said he misses texting me and that when she mentioned me moving on one day he got upset. she asked him if he could ever see him getting over it and coming back in the future and he said “as of right now, i dont know” i took that as a good sign, since he was still mad and it wasnt a clear no. my other friend then texted him and asked him about the whole situation and, ive known him for over 2 years, i know how he texts and he wasnt typing. he said completely different things to her like “i dont want to get back together with her at all, i was falling out of love with her anyway, now i cant trust her since she didnt tell me herself.” my friend said at least the “falling out of love” part was BS because you cant fake love and literally even on the break we would facetime at night telling eachother how much we love eachother. he has terrible anger issues and sees a therapist while i have really bad depression and also see one. we balanced eachother out in that area, helping eachother with those issues. i put a lot of strain on him,i will admit, for the 2 1/2 years we were togehter, do to my depression but we handled it since we loved eachother. he lied to me a lot as well.his friends from his childhood werent so fond of me so he isolated himself from them when they started to insult me. and when he was best friends with a girl he used to like and lied a lot to me about how much he talked to her and what about, i started to get suspicious. he talked to her about our issues and me all the time, and i only knew that by snooping. he lied to me so much about her throughout our whole relationship that eventually he had to cut her off because he was begging me not to leave. so every time he begged me not to leave, i didnt, because thats how much i love him. gosh we even discussed marrige, thats how serious this was.now that we broke up, hes friends with all of them again! which isnt good in my favor if he ever comes around. my friends’ hypothesis is that right now hes in such denial and shock that i actually did that, that right now he cant think of all the good times we’ve had. and considering his anger issues, its going to take him a while to calm down, months even. but they believe he can get over it, since how serious our relationship was, besides the fact ive asked multiple guys and theyve said that they would be pissed but never break up with their girlfriend beacuse of it. maybe it was the “straw that broke the camels back” but even that doesnt make sense to me because if we’ve worked through such hard times we can definitely work through this right now. and ive taken all of his BS and theres been no limit for me, and i would hate to see this go over such a stupid thing that we can work through. thats why my friends think this will be ok because the love we had for eachother was so strong and that we got through so much that he is just so mad and when it fades, the feelings he has for me will resurface. they all think he’ll come back but im my own worst enemy and im thinking so cynically because its been a month and the last time ive heard from him was two weeks ago. my friend wants to go meet up with him again to see what he feels but i dont know if thats a good idea. its either that or show him what hes missing? make him jealous? miss me? make him remember all the good times we had? but my friend reaching out to him i feel could either make it better or worse. please tell me what to do to get him back! please hes the one! i know it and i cant let him get away!!!

[AskApril Masini]

How old are you all?

[valxoxo]

im 18 and hes 20. we met when i was 16 and he was 18. my friend believes now that he got out of this relationship, he can be free in college for a while and then get his wake up call. this makes me sick and i cant even imagine him hooking up with other girls. he got me a promise ring and everything, i know we were too young to talk about something that serious, but thats how much we loved eachother. im so scared i lost him for good and i dont know how to get him back. i know time is key with everything but im terrified ill lose him to a girl his age. my friends say to make it look like im ok without him and having a good time without him and itll make him jealous and want to be the one who makes me happy. but i dont know how to do that and i dont know if that will even work. i know i cant push it and keep badgering him but honestly i know hes the one for me, even if people think we’re too young to think so, my other boyfriends couldnt hold a candle to him. they say when you know, you know and i do. please help

[AskApril Masini]

Got it. So you’re 18 and you’ve been with this this guy for over 2 years, but he recently broke up with you. The break up started with his asking for a break, during which time you snap-chatted a photo of yourself doing cocaine on the internet, and for him, that was the last straw. 😳 It sounds like drugs and alcohol are deal breakers for him.

So the thing is, while you are very certain that he’s the one for you — he may not feel the same way. 😳 Lots of times one person wants the relationship to work, and the other one is ready to move on. It’s very common in break ups. 🙁 And I know it’s difficult to understand this, but love isn’t enough to make a relationship work when there are practical problems that drive you apart, day to day. For instance. He’s 20 and his friends don’t like you. That’s a tough burden for a 20 year old guy who wants to hang out with his friends. 🙁 One of the reasons he wanted a break was to spend time with his friends. At your ages, friends are very important, and ideally, you and your boyfriend, whomever that might be, have mutual friends in common who support the relationship as well as the two of you individually. You don’t have to like ALL of each other’s’ friends, but it certainly helps a long term relationship when you have friends in common. Also, if he’s very anti-drugs and alcohol, you have to understand that whether or not you agree, these are his deal breakers. Putting your photo doing drugs on the internet was probably your way of lashing out at him, indirectly. 😳 But the method angered him more than the actual drug use. This wasn’t a great move for getting back together. 😕

Since it’s been two weeks since you’ve heard from him, and he seems to be pulling away and going off to college, my advice is to focus on your own life, and be your best self, play the field, and if he does come back to you, you’ll be able to talk to him and see him from a position of strength, not desperation or weakness. 😉 I know you want him back and you want things back the way they were, but in relationships, it only takes one person to end it, and two to get it back together. Without him, the best you can do is to work on you — and that’s really a great opportunity, even though you may not see it that way today.

Please let me know if you have any questions, and let me know how things go.

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[valxoxo]

thank you for the advice 😀. i just cant see him moving on so quickly due to how serious our relationship was. yes i went too far with the drug and alcohol use but we went through so much more, and my dealbreaker was lying, and i withstood that for him and he begged me each time he lied to stay and i did. so the one time i make a mistake he jumps and packs his bags. im very confused about how he just did a 360 on me because of one mistake i regret deeply, and he knows im not really a drug person either. thats another reason why my friends are optimistic because he is so mad (his huge anger issues) he cant see any of the feelings he has for me and is lashing out and wants to do his college things, but one day he will get his wakeup call when he sees me happy or when he remembers how much he misses me when he gets over it. ultimately thats what i want right now, but i will work on myself like you said, because i do want to be a more confident and strong girl, more like the girl when he first met me. maybe that’ll get him to get him to come around, because i know moping and sadness isnt sexy. but other than confidence and time i dont know what else to do

[valxoxo]

oh and also should i contact him anytime soon or should i send my friend like she wants to? or should i wait for him to text me first? or should i wait a few more months to text him again?

[AskApril Masini]

I understand that you think since you took him back when he lied, he should take you back when you used drugs. The thing is, he already had one foot out the door when he asked for a break in the relationship after two years of dating. A break is the way some people break up. It’s not very up front or what you wanted, but the reality is, for many people, it’s the best they can do.

I don’t think you should contact him or send your friend to see him — because it’s just going to remind him that you’re still there, wanting him, and nothing’s changed. After two years, a break up doesn’t come out of the blue. As you said, he’s wanting to be with his friends, and enjoy college and probably dating other people since he’s been committed for two years now. This is normal — even though you may not like it. 😳 Instead, go live your own life and be your best self. If he is going to miss you, this will make him miss you sooner than if you’re showing up, contacting him or sending a friend to talk to him. If he does come back to you, let him come back to a new you, who’s doing great, is independent, and has a great life. He’ll be much more likely to connect with that new you, than the one he left for a break….

How does that sound? Let me know how things go….

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