[Fiyamoshie]

I am having a situation that isn’t easy to come to a determination of what to do. I’m a single mother of two kids, and I stayed single for over a decade (I am under 35) and gave up a lot of my youthful years to raise the children. I decided about a year ago, that it was time to maybe start dating and finding someone special. So I dove straight in to dating. I have pretty high standards because I don’t want to settle. But it seemed like no matter how good of a quality of man I dated they would not ever give me a girlfriend label or commit in any way. I had decided that I would just give it a time limit of a month and if a guy had not given me a girlfriend label by then I would move on to the next and eventually I would find mister perfect. Well about August I went on a date with a man, we live two hours away from one another so we met halfway at a restaurant and had lunch. He seemed really genuine and sweet. A perfect gentleman. I had decided to go out with him again, this time, driving the two hours to his home to watch a movie and eat dinner he made. We ended up sleeping together, which is not something I normally do with any guy, infact up until this point I had not had sex in over ten years. A couple more dates passed over the period of a month, and I brought up the exclusiveity question. He stated that he was not ready for a relationship with anyone because of how his ex wife had treated him so badly and left him devistated. He made the comment that there is no feeling in the world worse than having your children ripped away from you. I felt very sorry for him and just figured that maybe over time, he would open up a bit more to a relationship once he got to know me better and seen I was nothing like her. I continued to date him but missed my period. I had my tubes tied when I had my youngest, but apparently that failed. I did not expect that I could ever be pregnant so I thought something else was wrong with me, maybe an STD, so I went to the doctor. No STD, I was PREGNANT. I told him and at first he was real quiet. He did not say much at all. I figured it was shock. Over the next couple of weeks, he would make little comments about the baby, possitive comments. Things like, “if it’s a girl I’ll have to get a shotgun when she turns 16” and some other little cute jokes. Well then I decided at about 10 weeks pregnant that I would have the exclusivity talk again because at this point it has been a WHILE. So I asked why he was still ‘online’ on his dating profile a lot. He stated he keeps it to make friends. I got curious so I asked him if he was dating women. Suprisingly he said yes and was honest about it. I asked if he was sleeping with any and he said yes, one other woman. I immediately told him he needs to end it and do the right thing and work on a relationship with me for our babies sake. And I went on to call her a whore and tramp and say some pretty mean things out of anger. I went a little crazy and told him he needed to tell me infront of her that I am prettier than her and she is the scum of the earth and to never contact him again. He not only refused but he called me out on my crazy. I explained after I calmed down, that I was just very upset that I was not his girlfriend or that he had so little respect for me and his unborn child that he would expose us to STD’s that other woman might be carrying. He stated he understood but that he just did not want a relationship with anyone. Since then, he has insisted that I give the baby up for adoption, he is still dating me, and when we are together it’s amazing, but he’s not committing and getting rid of the dating profile and other women. I am really unsure of what else I can do to drive him towards doing the right thing with me and this baby. I am not ready to be a single parent again but I also am not open to the idea of just giving my baby away to a stranger either.

How can I get him to understand my point of view and give a relationship with only me a chance? I have a very close friend who is a psychiatrist and she suggested I back off and just go with the flow but I’m not comfortable with the fact that he is seeing another woman at the same time and chatting up countless others while I am pregnant with his child. I am trying my very best to be good to him but I get little to no effort back. What can I do about this?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When a guy tells you that he is not interested in a committed relationship — believe him! 😉 It sounds like he’s being super clear about his reluctance to have a committed relationship with you, and you keep trying to get him to change his mind, which isn’t working. 😳 I know that you’re disappointed and frustrated, but the reality is that you both want different things.

It’s unfortunate that you had your tubes tied and then got pregnant in spite of the prior procedure. I hope you’ve talked to your physician, and possibly an attorney about what’s transpired. In terms of your relationship with this guy, your question about how you get him to commit is a little complicated. Normally, I’d tell you to buy [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b],[url]https://askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you can understand in detail how to find, get and keep a guy. But since you’re pregnant with his child, prior to there being a commitment, you’ve got a much more difficult road ahead. You’re going to have to compete for him, knowing that he’s single and dating. Instead of trying to get him to see things through your eyes, try to see things through his eyes. 😉 If the two of you are locked on opposite sides of a battle, this will go nowhere good. You have to try and seduce him into seeing you as the woman he wants, not insisting to him that you be that person.

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