You’ve been through a lot, and I think part of what’s making this so heavy is that you haven’t really had much space to heal between one heartbreak and the next. You’re trying to recover from your marriage, from the loss you went through, and from being let down by people who should’ve made you feel safe. That kind of pain doesn’t just disappear, it settles into you and makes guilt feel like second nature.
You didn’t break up with a good man. You broke up with a man who showed you red flags early on. The temper, the anger, the way he dismissed your worries that’s not love, that’s control. And you’re not wrong for feeling scared or uncomfortable. Your gut was warning you, and you listened. That’s strength, not guilt.
People like him can twist things around until you start doubting yourself. He says you “dwell on things,” that you’re “not doing anything about your depression,” that your “family takes advantage.” He’s putting words in your head so he doesn’t have to look at his own flaws. You started to see that, and that’s why you ended it. You did the hard thing the right thing.
You asked why you still feel guilty. I think it’s because guilt is familiar to you. You’ve carried it for years about your marriage, about decisions you had to make, about trying to keep everyone around you okay. But guilt doesn’t always mean you did something wrong. Sometimes it’s just the echo of old pain that hasn’t been forgiven yet.
You mentioned you’re starting computer art classes—that’s a good move. It’s a way to put your hands and your mind into something creative, something that belongs only to you. Don’t let fear talk you out of that. You don’t need to be perfect to keep going you just need to keep showing up for yourself, even on the shaky days.
And one more thing you deserve peace. You deserve a man who listens without raising his voice, who makes you feel calm instead of tense. Don’t let this guilt trick you into thinking you let go of something good. You let go of something that could have hurt you more down the road.
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