[ellen_tryingagain]

I’m trying to present this clearly because I need perspective. I (39F) caused our breakup through deceitful behaviour, multiple misleading calls and emails behaviour I now recognise was driven by unbearable stress. Over the last year, I’d been in chronic pain, fighting two lawsuits, nearly lost my dog, and watched my business fail. The combination made me irrational and desperate; after finally getting medical help and medication, I’m calmer and clearer.
Now there’s another layer: doctors found fluid in my brain, and surgery is a possibility. It’s high risk and terrifying, and I feel vulnerable in a way I never have. Throughout our relationship, I supported him in many ways, and I’ve worked to repair the tangible harm I caused, including financial restitution plans. Despite that, he’s chosen distance right now. He’s angry understandably and not stepping in to support me during this frightening medical chapter.
I’m asking myself, and asking you: in a situation where one partner caused real harm but is now facing a serious medical crisis, what are reasonable expectations for emotional support? Is it fair of me to ask for presence or small acts of care before full forgiveness is earned? I don’t want to pressure him or minimise my responsibility, but I also don’t want to be abandoned at the scariest moment of my life. Practically, how should I approach a conversation with him that acknowledges my wrongdoing, lays out my restitution plan, and asks for limited, specific support even if he cannot fully forgive me yet?
What steps have worked for others to rebuild trust while navigating urgent health needs? How do you ask for help without making him feel coerced, and how long should I accept this space as part of making reparations?

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