[teresa_ready36]

I have been on-again, off-again with my boyfriend for about a year. The relationship is intoxicating: when we’re together it feels warm and effortless, but he keeps hurting me and keeping secrets. Early on he flirted with other women (we worked through that), then he dropped a bomb — he’d never told me about a fifth child from before his marriage. Finding out that late felt like a betrayal.
Complicating everything: his late wife died suddenly years ago and he speaks of her with enormous reverence. I get it — grief is real — but I also feel like I’m forever competing with a memory. Jealousy and insecurity creep in, and I want to be “number one” in his life. He says I expect perfection because I’m “perfect,” and that everything is really about me — but his words sometimes cut. Still, the chemistry and comfort pull me back every time.
We go 2–3 weeks without seeing each other sometimes; I can be strong for a while (I didn’t call for a month once) and then I cave. I know, logically, there are red flags that make him a risky long-term partner for me and my kids. I want stability and someone who can meet my standards for a future I can be proud to show my children. Emotionally, though, I miss him fiercely and find it nearly impossible to walk away permanently.
I’ve tried distance, dated others, and reminded myself of the reasons to leave — but the magnetic pull keeps winning. I need encouragement and practical strategies to stop the cycle. How do you build the muscle to stay away when the heart keeps breaking the rules? When do you admit that love isn’t enough and choose your future over the nostalgia of what he is in the moment? What concrete steps help you move on for real (daily routines, boundaries, therapy, accountability)? I want to protect my kids and myself — how do I choose the safe, loving path instead of the familiar, painful loop?

[Sweetie]

I get it — it’s hard to break the cycle when you still have strong feelings for him. But you deserve someone who gives you stability and respect, not someone who leaves you guessing.

To move on, try these:

Take a break from contact to give yourself space., Create a new routine — Focus on things that make you feel good and strong., Talk to a therapist — It’ll help you understand why you keep going back. Accountability — Share your plan with a friend to keep you on track. Be kind to yourself — Moving on takes time, and that’s okay. Choose your future and peace over the emotional rollercoaster. You deserve better.

[PassionSeeker]

That situation is so complicated. The heart can be so stubborn, can’t it? But listen, love isn’t supposed to hurt this much. It sounds like you already know what you need to do. Start with setting boundaries no more contact unless it’s for something that’s truly important. When you feel yourself slipping back, remind yourself of the strength you have. Focus on building a life that makes you feel proud of yourself and your kids. Therapy could definitely help you unpack those emotions. And when you feel like you’re going back into the cycle, pause. Take a deep breath, remember what’s at stake, and know that your future matters more than clinging to a painful memory. You deserve someone who sees you first.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

ugh babe… i feel this in my bones. chemistry can feel like oxygen, but it doesn’t pay bills, heal past trauma, or keep your heart from being stomped on. 💔
you want stability for your kids? then treat this like training your brain, not negotiating with your heart. journal the red flags so every time you miss him, you remember why you left. therapy isn’t optional, it’s armor. the pull of nostalgia isn’t a compass, babe. your future, your kids, your peace? that’s the only north you follow. 💋

[Ask April Masini]

Okay, hold on. I need you to help me understand something here.

When you say “Complicating everything, his late wife died suddenly years ago” was your boyfriend still married when the two of you got together? Because that matters.

And I’m trying to get a clear picture of what’s actually hurting you in this relationship. You mentioned he talks about his dead wife, you found out about a child from before his marriage, and there was flirting with other women (which you say is settled now). But what’s really the problem? Is it all of that combined, or is there something else going on?

Here’s what else I need to know. Who’s the one calling for these breaks, you or him? And what’s the reason each time?

How many kids do you have? And is he helping out financially with what they need?

What does your money situation look like right now?

I know these are a lot of questions, but I need the real picture here so I can actually help you figure out what to do.

Answer honestly, this isn’t about judging you, it’s about getting you some real advice that’ll actually work.

[Author]

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