[orangeblossom]

My question is a confusing one. Two months ago my boyfriend of 10 months ended our relationship. We had been doing long distance (because of college) for about four months, which had its ups and downs. Relatively, however, the relationship was still going really well. We were very serious and in love. We both considered each other to be perfect for one another and we had talked many times about having a future together. The breakup came as a huge shock to me. He broke up with me because he began having doubts about us in the long term. He still had feelings for me and didn’t want to break up, but thought it was the right thing to do. He didn’t want to keep us going, only to break up after years of long distance, because it would be even harder. However, only days after the break up, he contacted me. We began to communicate, over texts and phone calls. I saw him once, but nothing happened except we said goodbye before going back to college. For about a month after we broke up, he basically acted like we were still together. He told me he missed me, flirted with me constantly, told me I’m the only girl for him, and even expressed a desire to get back together and see each other. I began to hope that we were headed towards getting back together. However, after a month, he decided that we needed to stop talking and take some time apart to figure things out. After about three weeks of barely any communication, he told me that he decided that we need to treat our relationship as though it is over. He said he missed me a lot, that he doesn’t want to move on or date anyone else. Still, he maintains that we can’t be together because he can’t commit to me and doesn’t know if he ever will be able to. I do not understand why he is so afraid to commit. It’s not that he wants to date other girls, because he has had the opportunity and doesn’t want to. It’s not that there’s something wrong with our relationship, or something wrong with me (in his opinion). He has told me many times that I’m perfect, that I did nothing wrong, that he doesn’t want to lose me or change a thing about me. Yet that’s not enough to make him commit. I guess I just want to know 1) Why is it so hard for him to commit to a relationship right now? and 2) What should I do? Should I continue to talk to him as a “friend”, flirting and acting like nothing changed, when I know that there’s a good chance he’ll never want to be in a relationship again? Or should I cut off communication, try to move on and forget about him? I truly, truly love him and I want to believe that things will work out, but I don’t want to waste time on someone that’s never going to give me what I want. It’s still really hard to accept that we aren’t together, and it’s even harder to accept that we never will be. But if that’s the way it’s headed, I’d rather start trying to put my life back together. Please help me! Thank you so much!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]1) Why is it so hard for him to commit to a relationship right now? [/quote]

The “why” questions require analysis that only he can give, so my advice is not to ask why he can’t commit to a relationship, and instead to accept the fact that he isn’t willing to commit to a relationship with you any more. 😳 I know it’s hard to accept that, and that’s probably why you’re asking WHY he doesn’t want to commit — so you can find the problem and fix it. But when someone says they don’t want to commit to you, and you’re not married and don’t have children, it’s a good idea to take them at their word and move on.

[quote]2) What should I do? Should I continue to talk to him as a “friend”, flirting and acting like nothing changed, when I know that there’s a good chance he’ll never want to be in a relationship again? Or should I cut off communication, try to move on and forget about him? I truly, truly love him and I want to believe that things will work out, but I don’t want to waste time on someone that’s never going to give me what I want. [/quote]

You should cut off contact and move on. You’ve given this relationship 10 months. It didn’t work. Remaining friends on social media or otherwise is just going to prolong the pain and your ability to move on. I know you love him, but that’s not enough to make this work. I think you know what you have to do, but it’s hard for you to accept it. You’re not alone — but you’re on the right track.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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