[jodi]

[b]hello ..

i’ll try to keep it short as i can!!

a year ago,,i fell in love with a guy 3 years younger than me,,we were deeply in love ,we were the perfect match,before he said anything,i say it first.we had plans and everything to be together.i do love him so much , and so is he,,the problem is that i came from a very famous and well known family.
and he is from regular one,,i don’t care about these things and i was ready to fight against my family just to be with him..
he always told me to not tell anyone about our relationship,,but i told my closest sister and she forced me to break this relationship, i was not thinking about anything especially that am afraid that she’s going to tell my parents who are very strict about these things,,i got panic and sent him a msg that i want to broke up with him..
and turn off my mobile, during a week he kept calling but i didn’t answer,,after that i realized that i was wrong and i shouldn’t do what my sis advice me to,,,but it was too late,,
i needed him so bad ,,so i sent him a msg saying that am i the right woman for u? are u ready for me and ready for my family?

i didn’t have any response,,he was online days later and the surprise that,,he wasn’t the same person i know,,he changed,,and kept saying that he hates me the most coz i insulted his feeling and destroyed his confidence about him,,that’s why he hates me,,i offered on him to come back again,,to be lovers but he refused,,he asked me to delete him from my life,,,he rejected me and hurts me with a lot of insulting words..

after that i decided to forget everything saying that he doesn’t deserve me especially am well educated and preparing my master,,but he left school and has no job!

i was doing fine,,three weeks later (this is the longest time we didn’t spoke)…he calls me,,

but i wasn’t around the phone,,i was surprised ,,,why did he call,,why,,after trying to live my life again,,why did he calls??
i didn’t reply on him…now,,i start again to miss him,,miss his words,,his laugh and his craziness ,,
i was reminding my self all the time how much he hurts me and left me with cold heart but now after the last call am not sure of my decision ..
help me dr,,am going insane here,,

i found out that i love him sooooo deeply…

i start to question my character coz he thinks am tooo pushy and demanding
..

he always said that i have a strong and strict character!!

and i was pretending that i forgot him but am not!!

plz answer me quickly,,what shall i do??[/b]

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you have a conflict with your family. Just because your family is famous doesn’t mean you can’t be with someone from a non-famous family. But in your case, you say that that is a problem. And even your boyfriend didn’t want you to tell anyone the two of you were dating. Before you get into another relationship with anyone, you should be clear in your own head whether you are willing to be honest with your family and date whoever you want as long as they are a good person, or whether you prefer to abide by your family’s wishes and date someone who fits in with your family. If you don’t get clear on this issue, you’re going to bring conflict to whatever relationship you have with anyone you date from a “regular” family.

So figure that out first.

Next, your boyfriend was hurt because you broke up with him due to class reasons. He wasn’t from the right class, and you succumbed to family pressure to break up with him. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was just “from the wrong side of the tracks.” He has every right to feel hurt and wonder if this will come up again with you if he goes back with you.

It sounds like you are lonely since the break up, and when he called, he stirred up old memories. But getting back together with him will lead you right back to family problems again. So don’t get back together with this guy now. Figure out what part your family plays in your personal life, and then be true to your decision.

[jodi]

[quote=”April Masini”]It sounds like you have a conflict with your family. Just because your family is famous doesn’t mean you can’t be with someone from a non-famous family. But in your case, you say that that is a problem. And even your boyfriend didn’t want you to tell anyone the two of you were dating. Before you get into another relationship with anyone, you should be clear in your own head whether you are willing to be honest with your family and date whoever you want as long as they are a good person, or whether you prefer to abide by your family’s wishes and date someone who fits in with your family. If you don’t get clear on this issue, you’re going to bring conflict to whatever relationship you have with anyone you date from a “regular” family.

So figure that out first.

Next, your boyfriend was hurt because you broke up with him due to class reasons. He wasn’t from the right class, and you succumbed to family pressure to break up with him. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was just “from the wrong side of the tracks.” He has every right to feel hurt and wonder if this will come up again with you if he goes back with you.

It sounds like you are lonely since the break up, and when he called, he stirred up old memories. But getting back together with him will lead you right back to family problems again. So don’t get back together with this guy now. Figure out what part your family plays in your personal life, and then be true to your decision.[/quote]

i can’t ,,i just can’t to take away the role of my family on me,,coz i’v always think about them,,,

trying as hard as i can to please them,,he always told me,,he knew that he is a second priority ,,and my family is the 1st..

but i have the right to live my life as i want,,not as my family decided for me,,now,,they’re tryin to hook me up

with another boy has the standers they want!!..

tell me april..what shall i do,,,i admit that am still living under my family shadow,,

but what about if the man i loved,,gone for good,,then it is going to be to late to fix it.

shall stopped thinking that there is NO hope between us,,

especially after his last call,,,i wished that he didn’t coz i was trying to forget,,and i was almost there,,

but that call make me miserable,,knowing that he still thinks of me,,still missing me,,

am really scared ending up with a man i’ve forced to marry with..

he’s my first experience in love,,and am 26 years old,,spending all the time before,, studying and having a great deal with
my education to please my parents.

[AskApril Masini]

Please understand I was not criticizing you for putting your family first. If that’s your decision, then that’s okay. You can also change your mind at some point, and then you can change it again. It’s very normal to have different feelings about parents and family throughout your life.

That said, if you love someone and want to be with them, and your family doesn’t approve, you have to choose: your boyfriend or your family. Making choices is a test of maturity.

You seem to be very clear that your family comes first, so unless you can find a boyfriend your family approves of, you’re always going to have conflict within yourself, and probably drama in your relationships. It sounds like the first part is happening now.

Remember, it doesn’t have to be black and white. You can go to your family and tell them how you feel about this man and what happened, and that you’ve chosen to put them first, but that you’re sad and lonely and wish that they can help you find someone appropriate to date, that you are crazy about, too! Your family doesn’t have to be just the arbiter of who is a good boyfriend for you or not — they can actually be a resource and help you find someone. Maybe even someone amazing. Try talking to someone in your family — if you can broach your parents on this subject, you may be surprised at what they reveal about their own pasts to you. It may bring you even closer than you are.

[Ethan Morales]

If I’m being straight with you, I think April nailed the core of it: this isn’t just a love problem, it’s an identity problem. You’re standing in the middle of two worlds the life your family built for you, and the life you want to build for yourself. And until you decide which one you actually want to live in, every relationship you have is going to be haunted by that conflict. You can’t love someone freely while part of you is still asking for permission.

From the guy’s side, I get it too. Imagine being him feeling loved and then abandoned, not because of something you did wrong, but because of who you are. That kind of rejection doesn’t just bruise someone’s ego; it hits their self-worth. When he said you destroyed his confidence, I believe that wasn’t exaggeration that was him speaking from a place of real pain. You represented something beautiful to him, and then you became the person who confirmed his deepest insecurity: “I’ll never be enough for her world.”

Now, when he called you weeks later that’s emotional whiplash. It doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to come back. It might mean he’s confused, nostalgic, or just curious if you still care. But that single call shouldn’t undo all the progress you made trying to heal. Sometimes the person who hurt us can’t offer closure they just reopen old wounds because they still live rent-free in our hearts.

Here’s what I think you need to do: take a step back and sort out your boundaries with your family. You can’t build something real with anyone this guy or the next if your choices are still being made out of fear. You say you have a strong personality; now’s the time to use it for yourself, not against yourself.

And if you ever do talk to him again, don’t come from a place of longing come from clarity. Tell him you understand the hurt, that you’ve grown from it, and that you’re working on the part of yourself that let fear win last time. If he’s matured too, maybe there’s space to reconnect someday. But right now? You owe it to yourself to figure out what kind of woman you want to be not who you want to be with.

[Tara]

You blew up your relationship because you panicked, caved to your sister, and treated him like he was disposable, and now you’re shocked he doesn’t worship you anymore. Actions have consequences, and his reaction isn’t “confusing.” It’s predictable.

You didn’t “break up” with him. You abandoned him. One message, then vanishing for a week? That’s not a breakup, that’s emotional whiplash. You told him he wasn’t worth fighting for, and now you’re offended that he believes you. You crushed his confidence, humiliated him, and then came back acting like he should be grateful you changed your mind. That’s not love. That’s entitlement.

He didn’t change. You just finally saw the part of him that isn’t willing to be walked over. He’s angry because you treated him like a shameful secret. You talk about your “famous family” like you’re royalty and he’s beneath you, but the truth is you’re hiding behind their status because you’re too afraid to stand on your own. You broke his trust, and trust doesn’t snap back just because you regret the consequences.

And now you’re spiraling because he called once, and suddenly you want the drama back. You’re not missing him, you’re missing the validation. You want him to chase you again so you don’t have to face the fact that you were the one who destroyed it. His call doesn’t mean he wants you. It means he had a moment of weakness, got curious, or wanted closure. Nothing more.

You keep calling him uneducated, jobless, “not deserving” of you, and yet you’re the one begging for answers, going insane, unable to let him go. That’s not superiority. That’s insecurity.

[Sally]

That kind of love sticks to your ribs, even when it ends messy. And honestly, what happened between you two sounds like fear on both sides. You panicked, he felt thrown away, and now you’re both hurting in different corners of the room.

But here’s the thing… guys who really want to be with you don’t talk to you with hate in their voice. They don’t tear you down like that. I know you miss the sweet parts everyone does but the person he is right now isn’t the one you fell for.

If you call him back, you’ll be reopening a wound that hasn’t even scabbed yet. Give it time. Let it breathe. You’ll see things clearer when the hurt stops shouting.

[Serena Vale]

You’re not crazy, you’re just torn. You love him, but you also feel tied to your family’s expectations. That’s a painful place to be in, and it makes every decision feel heavier.

Here’s the truth in the simplest way:
You can’t build a relationship with someone and keep hiding behind your family at the same time. He felt like he was second place, and honestly… he was. That hurt him, and that’s why he pulled away and reacted the way he did.

And now that he called again, it woke up everything you were trying to bury.

But before you think about him, you need to think about you, what kind of life do you actually want? Are you willing to stand up to your family for love? Or are you choosing the path they want for you?

Neither answer is wrong. But you have to be honest with yourself, because if you don’t make that decision, every relationship will feel like this, fear, guilt, pressure.

Right now, don’t run back to him. Don’t jump into a marriage you don’t want either.
Slow down. Get clear. Talk to your family honestly. Tell them how all of this has made you feel.

You can’t change the past, but you can choose what you do next. And that choice needs to come from you, not fear.

[Member]

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