[UnspokenAnger94]

Before I begin, I’d like to point out that I may be young but I’ve always been mature for my age. That will be one of the key problems since some people might think my biggest mistake is that I’m too young to understand when I love someone. I’m 18 and the guy I’ve been seeing is 24. I’ve been seeing him for over 2 years now, off and on. He’s never actually asked me to be his girlfriend but neither of us has ever liked labels such as that. We were together, and that was all that mattered. I’ve been in few relationships, and all have lasted quite a while, otherwise I dont like dating. But my relationship with him has been the longest. I’ve loved him for a very long time, and after the first year I actually fell in-love with him and everything we had. My main problem with him was always his innability to stay with just me. He’s immature to say the least and isnt quite ready to stop being a kid despite his age. I didnt have sex with him until the 2nd year so I know that he’s never used me for just sex, since he was willing to wait until I was ready. And he’s never raised a hand to me or done anything too terrible. He is…well damaged badly. Drug problems, drinking, anger, never happy with what he has in his life, whether it be a job or a friend, what have you. Nothing was ever good enough. He was never happy. Still isnt. I was one of the only people that could calm him and take his mind off things. But even though I was good enough for him, and he did/does love me, he still went off to find someone else to entertain him. He’s always come running back to me and to be honest, for a long time it bothered me. I tried so hard to control that part of him and make him stop flirting and running around town with all the other girls. I finally accepted that he couldnt stop. He doesnt know how to and hes not ready to. It’s just how he is. So I caved in and said, “That’s fine, go have fun. Just as long as you come HOME to me afterwards.” Which he always did and I was happy with him. We were comfortable together in ways that no one could really match. Needless to say, it didnt last long. My jealousy and resentment started to make things bitter between us and end of February I got the courage to say I needed to let him go. I did. Or I thought I did. I still love him and want to be with him, even though now he’s with someone else. He’s not happy with her because she’s trying to control him the same way I did. I’m okay with an open relationship now that I’ve realized whats important to me. And I’ve given him advice about how she’s feeling and why she’s so mad at him all the time. That she would be mad every day just like I was because he wont let go of someone else to be with just her. He’s unhappy with her and still wants me, and I’ve told him that he’s the one making the choices in his life. So he has no right to complain about hating his relationship when he’s the one that chose it. I know this doesnt seem to have a question…but I just need to know what to do. I’m okay with his lifestyle, and I’m willing to be here for him for whatever he needs. But…I need to know what I should be doing and if what I’ve been doing is even going to help anything.

Another pointer, many people have different concepts of what a relationship is and are honestly okay with open ones and in this situation, MY situation, a relationship is when we’re happy together nomatter who else is involved.

If you have anything to say, I’d appreciate it. Even if it’s something I dont want to hear. At the point I’m at right now, anything would be fine. Anything to reassure me that I’m going to be okay about this.

Thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve chosen a guy with drinking, drug, self esteem and fidelty problems. He’s probably a liar, too, since cheating and lying go hand in hand. A man with these characteristics is not a good relationship partner. Love is a feeling that we all have for many people and things in our lives — but wisdom is knowing when to behave certain ways. Just because you love someone or something doesn’t mean you should be in a relationship with them or that doing so is wise. In fact, it’s often destructive.

This guy will never get better and take care of himself as long as he keeps finding women to enable his behavior. When you decide his behavior is good enough for you to befriend him — or even be in a romantic relationship with him — he has no incentive or boundary to heal himself. So aside from what you’re doing to yourself by choosing someone who isn’t healthy, you’re doing a disservice to him by supporting him socially, emotionally, and otherwise.

As for yourself, you may be mature, but you don’t have a lot of life experience — and my advice is to get some away from him. I can guarantee that you will find other men to love — all of whom will be better choices for you than this guy. Open relationships aren’t a great idea because they demote intimacy (and I’m not talking about sex). If he’s cheating or even straying, he isn’t valuing you above all other women, and there’s an experience of being highly valued that can’t be replaced by any form of open relationship. I’d like to see you have that experience!

I hope you can find the strength to let go of this guy who needs help you can’t give him, and move on to find a healthy, monogamous relationship with a man who will give his whole self to you and only you — and who will want the same in return from you.

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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