[BrianMasters]

I have a question. I have a friend i’ve known her for over 5 years. Last year i got the courage to tell her i liked her. she said she liked me too and that she wasn’t looking to be with anyone at the moment. She had another friend who was my friend too. Even if i only know him for a couple months i trusted him. He told me “he did not like her and only saw her as a little sister” he also said “i can see you two together” he even gave me tips to getting closer to her including making jokes and getting into things she was into. I invested so much money and time to try to get closer to her.
It was all useless. that same guy moved into her home and he is now with her. He said he did nothing wrong and now I’m the friend of hers that may never see her again. That happened last year and ever since i cry everyday of how hurt someone i trusted lied to me. I couldn’t take it and last week i made so many stupid life choices. One was trying to end my life. Now I’m sitting her in sadness and shame. With no thought of being happy. I recently left the hospital and am back to a world I feel alone in. She said she still wants to be friends and said if they ever did break up she will give me a chance. But i love her more than anything in the world. She knows this.
I’m going anywhere i can for advice. I don’t want her out of my life (And i 100% refuse to do that) but i don’t know what to do. Can you please help? I also have the option to see her this summer but i don’t know what to do. Because of him i may only see her once a year if never again. I love her more than anything in the world and would do anything to be with her.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time. 😳 Please make sure you that if you feel suicidal you call for help [b]immediately[/b]. Your life is important. 🙂 Call the police, the hospital or a good friend or family member for help if you even think you might be going into that dark place. Okay? 😉

It’s really hard when you compete for someone and don’t get the prize — but it’s a double whammy when you find someone you thought was coaching you, was actually working against you. It sounds like you feel that your friend betrayed you. That’s gotta be difficult. But…. my advice is to try and forgive and move on. Your friend who got the girl, should have been honest, but didn’t have the self esteem to be straight up with you. A conversation you might want to have with him might be about how he hurt you — and that you hope he can find the courage in the future to be honest and upfront — even when it’s going to disappoint someone. That’s the definition of maturity and true friendship. So, try to feel sorry for him — instead of yourself. He may have the girl, but he didn’t get her with integrity. Living with good character is more important than getting any love interest. 😉

That said, you [i]are[/i] going to get through this. And the best way to do so is to focus on getting yourself healthy and happy. Try to make yourself the star of your own life. 😀 Get out there and date other women. Invite them to have coffee. Smile at strangers! Volunteer and go out of your way to be kind. And by doing so, you’re going to meet new women to date. Also, go out with friends – groups of friends, family members, co-workers, etc. Have fun and do upbeat things — whether it’s going to comedies, taking art classes, trying a new sport, or just hitting the gym. When you’re not dwelling on what didn’t happen because you’re busy with what is happening, you’re going to put yourself in a healthy lifestyle, and when you’re being positive and taking care of yourself and getting out there to have fun, you’re going to be more attractive, as well! 🙂 I hope that helps.

[BrianMasters]

Me and him were only friends for a few months.

I have been friends with her for over 5 years. I want to be a better person so IF she ever breaks up with that jerk, i want to be ready. Please understand i love her so much and would do anything to be with her.

Again i was invited to see her this summer, should i go? If i don’t i won’t see her for the rest of the year if ever again. I get so emotional because i love her. Please! I just want to be with her.

[Ask April Masini]

I think it’s a great idea for you to take the high road. Chances are that the guy she’s with is going to show his true colors with her at some point – he was dishonest with you, and that’s probably not going to be an isolated incident. Eventually, she’ll see through him. So, good plan for you not to stoop to his level. 😉

As for the summer, I think you should accept her invitation to visit. But….because you’re so sensitive, consider bringing a friend. The friend shouldn’t be with you when you meet up with her — at least not for the whole time…. Maybe he can stay at a hotel nearby or with friends. I think that your just knowing you’ve got a support system, in case things get intense for you, will help.

I know you want to see her and you’re really invested in her, but try to balance your life — stay healthy so that when you do see her, no matter what, you don’t across as desperate or needy. Those aren’t attractive qualities, and being confident, upbeat and fun, are. It’ll be a lot easier for you to be happy with her, if you’re taking good care of yourself. Use the time between now and the summer visit to really get in shape — physically, emotionally, socially and psychologically. Take one day at a time, and do something good for yourself each day.

[BrianMasters]

Hello thank you for talking to be earlier about my friend. I was wondering if you could help me with a letter i want to send to her. It’s her birthday soon and i really want to let her know i still love her even though i have not talked to her in over a month. She’s still with that jerk and im still very hurt but she sent me a birthday gift not too long ago and id like to send her’s with a letter. But like you said i don’t want to sound needy or anything negative. But i truly love her and just want to be with her. I’m doing better but im still hurt. Can you please help me? I don’t know what to say in the letter and im not great when it comes to saying the right things. I just love her so much and i don’t know if i can become strong enough to see her in the summer like we talked about earlier.

[Ask April Masini]

Got it. I think this is a great opportunity for you to send her a gift that is romantic — a photo of the two of you, framed, would be perfect. So, too, would be a romantic novel, some music you think she’d like, or a piece of art — or even beautiful flowers. Stay away from anything that projects practicality or “friend zone”. 😕 In your birthday card, let her know you think about her all the time, hope that she’s doing the same. Less is more. Don’t send a letter, because you’re more likely to spill your hurt again, and she probably doesn’t want to hear that. Instead, send a romantic, upbeat and seductive birthday card. Stay strong — because strong is more attractive than weak, and enticing and seductive is more attractive than needy and desperate. 😉 When you have these opportunities in the relationship, try to use them to leverage your position out of the friend zone and into the romantic arena. If she can think of you as a romantic interest and not a friend, you’re going to have a better opportunity at another shot with her (that is successful!). I truly believe that she’ll see who this guy is, eventually, and she won’t like it. In the meantime, take care of yourself and do things for you — and when you do get these opportunities to contact her, make them romantic contacts. 😉

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… that kind of betrayal hits deep. but please, don’t build your whole world around someone who already chose someone else. that’s not love, that’s self-destruction in disguise. she’s not your reason to live, you are.🕯️✨

[Ethan Morales]

This one… really hits deep. April Masini’s answer is compassionate and steady but it’s also framed in her usual way: she acknowledges the pain briefly, then pivots quickly toward self-responsibility and forward motion. That’s both her strength and her weakness. Let’s unpack it with care.

She begins by addressing safety first telling the person to reach out for immediate help if suicidal thoughts return. That’s crucial and compassionate. She doesn’t shy away from the seriousness of the situation, and that opening line sets a life-affirming tone. It’s the right start for someone in emotional crisis: steady, practical, and kind.

She reframes the betrayal not as “you lost” but as “he lacked integrity.” That’s psychologically smart. It helps shift the emotional focus away from self-blame (“I wasn’t good enough”) toward moral clarity (“he acted without honesty”). She’s encouraging self-respect by reminding the writer that character matters more than short-term outcomes. That’s deeply grounding advice when you feel humiliated and discarded.

But she minimizes the heartbreak a bit too quickly. She skips over how devastating that kind of double betrayal is (by both the girl and the friend). When someone’s pain is that raw, jumping to “forgive and move on” can feel like emotional whiplash. It’s wise, yes but it lacks emotional pacing.

Her response embodies her worldview: integrity > victory. She’s teaching emotional maturity that living with honesty and grace is a longer, richer win than “getting the girl.” She even flips the power dynamic, saying: “He may have the girl, but you have the moral strength.” That’s an empowering reframing. It subtly returns dignity to someone who feels stripped of it.

Still, the pain here isn’t just moral it’s existential. The writer’s entire sense of identity and purpose was tied to that relationship. April’s “take the high road” approach is emotionally correct but can sound too tidy when someone’s heart is bleeding.

She redirects energy toward self-care, socializing, and positivity the “build a life bigger than your pain” method. That’s excellent behavioral advice for post-trauma recovery. Getting out, volunteering, and connecting with others does reduce obsessive grief. April’s focus on movement is key: staying stagnant often deepens despair.

But, emotionally, the writer might need to grieve before rebuilding. Jumping straight into activity can suppress rather than heal. April’s tone is more coach-like than comforting.

Her core message though understated is: “Don’t define your worth by being chosen.” She’s teaching resilience, not romance. When she says, “Try to make yourself the star of your own life,” she’s pointing to self-reclamation: to stop orbiting someone else’s choices. That’s powerful. For someone who’s been emotionally dependent, that shift could be life-changing.

April’s advice is philosophically solid but emotionally brisk. She gives you direction, not comfort. She’ll tell you how to stand up again, but not hold your hand while you cry. And sometimes, you need both. If I were talking to that person, I’d add this: “You didn’t just lose a person you lost a future you built in your heart. That kind of grief deserves space. Don’t rush to forgive or distract. Let yourself mourn, then rebuild slowly, kindly. You can honor what you felt without letting it own you.”

[Marcus king]

That’s a lot of heartbreak for one person to carry, and I can tell you’ve been through something really painful. You opened your heart to someone you trusted, and both she and that friend broke it. Anyone would feel hurt, angry, and lost in your place. What you’ve gone through isn’t weakness it’s grief, and it’s okay that you’re feeling it deeply.

Right now, though, I need you to focus less on what might happen with her and more on helping you feel safe and steady again. You said you recently tried to end your life ,that tells me your pain has gotten too heavy to handle alone. I’m really glad you’re still here, and I don’t want you to be alone with those thoughts. If you ever start feeling like you might want to hurt yourself again, please reach out for immediate help. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline anytime, day or night. If you’re outside the U.S., I can share the right local line for you—just tell me your country. You deserve to have someone listen and help you stay safe.

About her, I know it feels impossible to let her go, but keeping her at the center of your world is keeping the wound open. She told you she’s with someone else and that maybe someday you’ll get a chance—that’s not love, that’s her keeping you as an emotional backup. You deserve more than to be someone’s “maybe later.”

It’s okay if you still love her; love doesn’t shut off because we want it to. But you have to love yourself enough to step back and start rebuilding your sense of worth outside of her. That means surrounding yourself with people who actually care how you’re doing, even if that’s family, friends, or a counselor. Therapy can help you process this betrayal and learn how to trust again.

Seeing her this summer might reopen everything, so you might want to wait until you’re emotionally stronger before making that choice. You can still care for her from a distance, but your energy right now has to go into healing not proving yourself to someone who didn’t choose you.

[PassionSeeker]

First, i’m so proud of you for still being here. i mean that. that kind of pain? it eats at your chest, makes every breath feel heavy. but you made it through the night, through the hospital, through the storm. that’s strength, babe even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.

what happened to you wasn’t fair. your heart got broken twice once by her, and once by someone you trusted. and now you’re stuck holding all that hurt while they get to move on. of course it feels unbearable. but i promise you, this isn’t the end of your story.

about her she’s with someone else, and she’s keeping you on emotional standby. that’s not love, baby, that’s comfort for her. you deserve more than “maybe someday.”

don’t see her this summer to prove you’re okay heal first. fall back in love with your own life. start small: sunlight, a walk, music that doesn’t break you. one day she’ll just be a page you outgrew.

[Tara]

You don’t need her. You need yourself back. And until you stabilize, get help, and put distance between you and this mess, you won’t even be able to recognize how toxic this whole situation was.

You got played by two people who were using you for attention, validation, and whatever you would give them. She kept you orbiting her because it felt good to have someone worship her. He lied to you because he wanted her and didn’t want competition. That’s it. They weren’t confused, they weren’t innocent, and they sure as hell weren’t looking out for you. You were the backup plan, the emotional support, the safety net. And when they got what they wanted from each other, they dropped you like an optional subscription. Brutal, yes but also exactly what happened.

And here’s the part you absolutely need to hear:
Your life almost ended because you were clinging to people who didn’t care about your well-being. That’s not love that’s dependence. That’s desperation. And it is not worth dying for. Not now, not ever. You crying every day over them isn’t romantic, it’s you bleeding for people who wouldn’t give you a Band-Aid. You’re treating them like your whole world while they treat you like background noise.

Her saying, “Maybe if we break up you’ll get a chance,” is manipulation wrapped in fake kindness. That’s not hope that’s a leash. She’s keeping you around as an emotional backup while building a life with someone else. And you are refusing to let her go? That’s exactly why you’re stuck. You’re trying to win a game that she rigged from the start.

[Sally]

What they did would’ve hurt anyone. You trusted both of them, and they went a different way without being honest. That kind of betrayal sticks.

But staying in her life the way you are now… that’s keeping you raw. When she says she’ll “give you a chance if they break up,” that’s not love. That’s her keeping you on a hook. You deserve more than being someone’s backup plan.

If it were me, I’d take some real space. Not forever just long enough to breathe again. Let yourself get steady before you even think about seeing her this summer. You’re not losing her. You’re just choosing yourself for once.

[Serena Vale]

It’s clear how much you care about her. Five years is a long time to feel connected to someone, and your feelings didn’t just come out of nowhere. I understand why you want to be “better” for her, why you want to be ready if something ever changes. When you love someone that deeply, it’s hard to imagine your life without them in it.

About seeing her this summer… honestly, go only if you feel strong enough, not because you’re scared of losing the chance. If being around her feels good and grounding, then it might help. But if you’re going to spend the whole time hurting because she’s still with him, then it’s okay to protect your heart too. You won’t lose her forever just because you didn’t show up one summer. But the decision has to come from your emotional strength, not fear.

And for her birthday, you can send a letter. It doesn’t have to be dramatic or painful or needy. Just honest and calm. Something that shows you care without putting pressure on her. Here’s a simple draft that sounds warm but not heavy:

[Natalie Noah]

I want to say how important it is that you’re still here, still talking about your feelings, and reaching out for guidance. Surviving thoughts of suicide and coming out of the hospital is a huge step. it shows tremendous resilience. The hurt you feel from betrayal by someone you trusted and losing the person you love is real, and your emotions are valid. It’s understandable to feel devastated, but it’s equally important to focus on your own safety, well-being, and mental health first. Your life is valuable, and giving yourself the care and support you need is the foundation for any future relationships.

You’ve clearly loved her deeply for a long time, and it’s natural to want to maintain a connection. However, the dynamic you describe. where she’s with someone else and you’re holding onto hope is incredibly painful. It’s okay to love her, but you also need boundaries that protect your heart. The idea of seeing her this summer could be positive if you approach it with a sense of balance: go to see her, but bring emotional support and a plan to protect your well-being. That means not allowing yourself to get swept entirely into the pain or desperation, but instead focusing on enjoying her company and staying grounded in your own life.

The advice about the birthday gift and card is really important: aim to communicate your affection in a way that’s confident, romantic, and playful, rather than needy or self-pitying. Send something thoughtful, creative, and sentimental something that reminds her of your bond and your positive qualities but don’t include the heavy hurt or demands for reciprocation. This approach shows emotional maturity and allows you to express your feelings without putting pressure on her, which is far more attractive and sustainable for your relationship in the long run.

While you wait for whatever may happen between her and this other guy, focus relentlessly on yourself. Invest in your happiness, health, and social life. Date other people, engage in activities that make you feel confident, and nurture friendships. This isn’t about replacing her. it’s about reclaiming your life and demonstrating to her, and more importantly to yourself, that you are strong, independent, and emotionally resilient. When she sees you thriving, your position in her eyes changes naturally, and whether she comes back or not, you’ll have built a foundation that allows you to love and live fully.

[Author]

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