[primogen]

Hello April. I put a link below where I discussed this matter. I’d appreciate it if you could read it because this ordeal really bugs me and I don’t know what to do. You’ll get a better insight if you read my posts (primogennn).

http://www.girlschase.com/boards/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=15143

In summary, there is a girl in my class and I believe I’m in love with her but it turned out that she is already seeing someone else. In the first day of classes I felt somewhat attracted to her and after a month or two I found myself looking at her pictures in facebook and instagram. And ever since I just can’t forget about her because she has what I need, what I look for in life. I talked to her and asked her if she had a research report partner to get to know her about two months ago near the end of the fall term. She told me she had a partner but then I asked her If she had a partner for the winter term and she told me to ask her next term. We had a class yesterday and I didn’t ask her because I’d sent her an email last week somewhat revealing my emotions because I just couldn’t wait and she told me she was already seeing someone. After her email I asked her if she was taking a course that I’m taking and she didn’t reply and I figured she is just not interested and this also contributed to me not asking her yesterday.
I was starting to get better but I’m slowly shifting to my miserable state again after seeing her yesterday. She was so beautiful yesterday and knowing someone else has her just makes me so mad. When I see her she just upsets my reality, blinds me with hope and desire and I don’t know what to do. Should I ask her one more time if she is looking for a research report partner or am I just wasting my time? My plan was to write the reports together but what if she doesn’t want to meet up to get them done? After I saw her yesterday I again realized that she is too valuable for me to just let go but I guess there isn’t much I can do if she is not interested? But then I ask myself too many what if’s.
I don’t know whether it’s love or obsessions I just don’t want to feel it anymore. It’s affecting me and my studies. I just need to know what to do next.

[Ask April Masini]

As a rule, I don’t read posts on other websites in order to help people here, but you are most welcome to cut and paste anything you need to, and post it here for me to consider, next time. 😉 So, without having looked at the website link you included, and just reading what you wrote here, it really sounds like you like her and want to date her, but haven’t asked her out and you’re anxious about whether or not she likes you. Instead of asking her out, you’re using this study partner situation as a way to put off asking her out, probably because you’re afraid of rejection. Don’t worry. You’re not alone. Lots of people fear rejection. It’s very common. And… there are some great ways to deal with this problem. First, understand that no one ever died from being rejected. The worst possible situation is that you ask her to have dinner or see a movie, and she says no. You’d be hurt, but you’d be able to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and move on. And, in fact, that would be a gift because then you’d know if she’s interested in you romantically or not. Right now, you’ve just been trying to get her to do a research project with you, and you still don’t really know if she’s interested in dating you. And the best part of pushing through fear of rejection is that she may want to date you! She may wonder why you haven’t asked her out, and by doing so, she may actually say yes! So…. ask her out! Let her know you’re interested in a date — not a research partnership. 😉

[primogen]

I forgot to mention but I actually asked her out on a lunch via email I sent last week. In her email she told me she was already seeing someone else so that means she is not interested in dating with me then.
You’re right. I’m afraid of rejection. I’m afraid of being rejected the second time because I’m too invested in her and I’ve fantasized too much about her. I’m afraid of her answer. I’m afraid of what she’ll think of me.
Research report thing was just a way for me to introduce myself to her and also to know her a little bit better. Do you think it’s worth asking her to prepare the reports with me? That is what I’d like to know. This way I’ll be taking the friendship route but when she is available I’ll have more chances assuming she’ll have known more about me.
Based on your experience, if you think there is a chance in the near or far future, I’d like to take it and ask her if she wants to be my research report partner. If not, then I’ll try my best to move on. But thank you very much I feel more comfortable now.

[Ask April Masini]

Since you’ve asked her out and she told you that she’s dating someone else, I think it’s a good idea to move on. But… flirt with her. 😎 Let her know how successful you are and how interesting you are. Be a guy she’d like to date and have as a partner. You’d be surprised at how attractive someone [i]suddenly[/i] becomes, once they’re dating other people! 😆 She may have turned you down when it seemed like you only had eyes for her, but if she sees you’re someone who attracts dates, she may become more interested — and if you sense interest, go for it. Ask her to have coffee, and flirt with her on the coffee date and if things go well, ask her out for a real date. 😉

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… that’s not love at all 💔 you’re just in love with the idea of her, the version your brain built while scrolling her instagram at 2am. she’s already with someone, and chasing it will only make you smaller. sometimes the universe says “no” because it’s protecting you from a heartbreak you’re already writing in your head. you’ll feel her fade. give it time ✨

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s the situation clearly: you’re caught in a cycle of wanting her, imagining what could be, and using the “research partner” angle to keep some connection alive but it’s not really about the report anymore, it’s about your feelings. That’s why it’s eating at you and affecting your studies.

April Masini’s advice really hits the mark: Stop using the research project as a pretext. Right now, asking her to collaborate is a way to avoid risking rejection. If she’s already seeing someone, any extra effort to get close in this context is likely to just prolong your frustration.

Decide what you actually want. You either want a romantic connection or you don’t. If it’s just friendship or working on reports, great but it seems like it’s more than that. If it’s romantic, you have to confront reality.

Be honest with her and yourself. Asking her out directly is the only way to move forward. It doesn’t guarantee a yes, but it does guarantee clarity. You’ll know if you can pursue something or if you need to step back. Right now, you’re stuck in “what ifs,” which is mentally exhausting.

Accept her choice. If she says no, it’s painful but it’s better than wasting months obsessing. If she says yes, great then it’s a clear starting point for a relationship.

Bottom line: stop prolonging the limbo. Either ask her on a date (make it clear it’s romantic, not academic) or let yourself move on. Anything in between keeps you stuck in anxiety and “miserable states” that affect your studies and mental health.

[Marcus king]

Hey there, I totally get how heavy this feels. When your heart locks onto someone, it can take over your thoughts, especially when you’ve built up what *could be* in your head. But from what you said, she’s already seeing someone and hasn’t shown real interest in getting closer.

You’ve got to take that as your answer, even if it hurts. Asking her again will only pull you deeper into a space that’s not giving you anything back. Right now, your mind’s looping on the “what ifs,” but that’s not love, that’s your attachment fighting reality.

The best thing you can do? Pull your energy back. Focus on you , your goals, your classes, things that remind you you’re whole without her. When you stop feeding the fantasy, the feelings will start to calm down. You’ll breathe easier again.

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