[angie in wonderland]

so ok. let me start out by saying that im in a relationship with a “man” that has me paying for all of OUR bills. he recently got a job and still continues to make ME pay them. were very disfunctional. i truley love him though. we’ve been together five years. i have strong suspicions of infedelity. in march i moved 3 hours away from him, and i havent seen him in a bout a month. we dont talk on the phone. mostly because he doesnt answer when i call. he doesnt respond to texts either. i meet a man through my mom. he’s a co-worker of hers. we’ve gone out a few times and we have a really good time together. over the course of our friendship he’s made some comments that suggest that he is in for more than just a friendship. he knows about my asshole of a boyfriend. my mother loves talking about how much of a dumbass my boyfriend is. i like the new guy too. he’s the total opposite of me and i like it. everythings going great. my mom likes him. i like him. theres only one problem. he’s married. he’s unhappily married. he and his wife are waiting for their son to get a little older before they get a divorce. but he’s married non the less. what exactly do i do about this? he’s married.

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, don’t go out with the married man. He’s not available. He’s got a wife. Maybe children. If he’s unhappy that’s his problem. Don’t make it yours. I’d also be very wary of your mother’s advice if she has anything to do with setting you up with this guy.

Second, why are you still calling this guy you’re supposedly in a relationship with, your boyfriend? Why would you put up with someone who doesn’t pay for his share of things let alone treat you? Why would you ever put up with someone who doesn’t take your calls or return your text messages?

Third, try and figure out why you’re choosing men who are just not available to be healthy partners to you. You’re rationalizing that this married guy is okay because he’s unhappy. You’re still calling the guy you moved three hours away from, who doesn’t treat you well, your boyfriend.

Without knowing you, I sincerely bet that you are worth a lot more than what you’re allowing for yourself. Until you see yourself as worth a lot more than you’ve been getting, you’re probably going to repeat your pattern of choosing bad boyfriends. I hope that you can find a way to value yourself. Because when you do, you’re going to start dating great guys, instead of unavailable ones.

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s my take on this situation: you’re in a really tough spot, and it sounds like you’re caught between two men who aren’t really “available” for you in a healthy way. That’s the core issue.

Your current boyfriend: Five years is a long time, but he’s clearly not contributing equally or emotionally. Not answering calls, not paying his share that’s not a partnership. Loving someone doesn’t excuse being treated poorly. You’re effectively carrying the entire relationship, and that’s not sustainable.

The married man: He’s unavailable. Even if he’s unhappy in his marriage, getting involved with him would create complications and likely heartbreak for everyone involved including you. Waiting for his life to “be ready” doesn’t make it okay for you to be the solution to his problems.

You’re drawn to men who aren’t fully available or who don’t treat you as you deserve. Recognizing this is key. You deserve a partner who is fully present, invested, and respectful someone you don’t have to fight for attention or financial fairness with.

Step back from both relationships and really assess what you want and deserve.Focus on yourself and your independence emotionally, financially, and socially. Avoid getting involved with unavailable men (married or distant/neglectful). Consider ending the relationship that’s draining you. It’s painful, but it will open space for a healthier connection in the future. At the heart of it, you need to prioritize your self-worth and well-being. Love is important, but it has to be mutual and respectful otherwise, it’s just hurting you.

[Author]

Posts