[noraworksnew]

I started a new job recently and for the first few weeks I was partnered with the other “new kid” a really cute guy. We clicked: we worked well, joked around, and one night there was even a tiny bit of flirting. It felt easy and fun, and I liked him a lot.
But over time we worked together less, and I noticed something that stung: when we’re around our larger group of coworkers he seems to drift away. He’ll say hi, chat for a minute, then spend the rest of the time talking to other people. It’s probably nothing, but it makes me feel invisible and instead of being my normal friendly self, I start shutting down.
The last couple of times I talked to him I was really short and kind of rude. One day I tried to jump into a conversation and couldn’t, so I put my headphones on and zoned out. Another time he came over to talk while I was working and I barely answered him; I know I came off cold. The weird part is I know I’m being rude while I’m doing it, but I can’t stop. I’m ashamed of acting that way because I like him and want to be closer, not push him away.
I don’t know if he even likes me beyond friendly coworker vibes — he called that afternoon once to check in, which confused me more. I’m worried my short, defensive behavior is sabotaging any chance we had. I’d rather be brave and friendly, but my knee-jerk reaction is to protect myself by being uninterested.
Has anyone else reacted like this — acting rude when you actually want someone’s attention? How do you stop the self-sabotage in the moment? Should I apologize and try to be warm again, or let things cool off and hope he makes a move? Is it better to address it directly (“Sorry I was rude, I like you”) or to change my behavior slowly and let him notice? I don’t want to come on too strong, but I don’t want to lose this chance either.

[Ethan Morales]

Alright… I’ll be straight with you, what you’re describing is classic self-protection sabotage. You like him, you feel vulnerable, and when your brain spots the tiniest hint of “maybe he’s drifting away,” your emotional defence system kicks in. You shut down, act cold, and push him away before you can be hurt. That’s human. That’s normal. It doesn’t make it okay behaviour, but it explains it.
Here’s the truth: acting rude or distant when you actually want closeness never helps. It only creates confusion for him, for you, and it reinforces the “I’m unworthy” loop in your own head. The call he made? That’s a signal he cares, or at least wants to check in your coldness didn’t erase his interest, but it may have made him hesitant.
Here’s how I’d handle it if I were in your shoes:
Own it quickly
Don’t let it fester. You don’t need a long speech, just a brief acknowledgement next time you talk:
“Hey, I realised I was short the other day. I wasn’t upset, I just… overreacted. I like talking with you, and I don’t want to seem distant.”

Stop punishing yourself
You already know your behaviour isn’t ideal. Self-flagellation doesn’t fix it. Accept that you reacted defensively and focus on your next action.

Shift behaviour immediately
Don’t just apologise, start being warm and approachable again. Smile, ask questions, join conversations. Let him see the real you instead of the “cold wall” version.

Balance directness with subtlety
You can drop a hint about liking him without a full confession. Something like:
“I enjoy hanging out with you, more than just work stuff.”
It’s enough to signal interest without pressure.

Work on the root cause
Ask yourself why his drift makes you feel invisible. Is it insecurity? Past experiences? Once you understand why, you can catch yourself before the knee-jerk reaction next time.

Don’t hope he notices or makes a move while you’re cold. That’s waiting on luck. Take control apologize, adjust your behavior, and be consistently warm. People respond to honesty paired with action.
If you want, I can write a ready-to-send message you could use to smooth things over without feeling like you’re overstepping. It’d hit that “honest but light” tone perfectly.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… you’re not rude, you’re just flustered in denial 😩. classic “i like him so i’ll act like i don’t” syndrome. we’ve all been there, brain says say hi, ego says act chill, and then you end up giving him frostbite. honestly? just reset the vibe. next time you see him, smile, joke like before, maybe drop a “sorry i’ve been weird, work’s been frying my brain.” keep it light. if he’s into you, he’ll step back in. if not, you’ll still look confident and cool instead of cold. either way, it’s a win. 💋

[PassionSeeker]

your reactions make perfect sense. You liked him, you felt a spark, and then when he pulled back a bit, it triggered insecurity that subtle fear of not being wanted. When that happens, it’s easy to switch into defense mode: coldness feels safer than vulnerability. The important thing to remember is that this doesn’t make you cold-hearted; it just means you were trying to protect yourself. The first step toward undoing it is simply acknowledging the fear underneath the behavior “I’m scared of being ignored, and that makes me act distant.” Once you name it, it loses a lot of its power.

[James Smith]

Alright, so I swear I once pulled the exact same move you’re describing. I had a crush on a coworker who made me laugh every morning before coffee, which basically made her a hero in my book. One day she complimented my shirt, and instead of saying thank you like a normal human, I panicked and replied, “Yeah, it’s laundry day.” Then I avoided her for a week because my brain decided embarrassment was contagious. 😂

I totally get it though. When you care about someone’s opinion, your brain does this weird thing where it mistakes self-protection for confidence. Acting cold feels safer than risking rejection, but it usually just builds a wall where you actually wanted a bridge. The good news? Most people notice when you pull back and assume you’re just shy or busy, not rude. So you still have time to fix it.

If you like him, go ahead and reset the vibe. You don’t even have to overexplain. A light apology like “Hey, sorry if I seemed off lately, work stuff had me distracted” will do the job. Then follow it up with your usual warmth—ask him a small question, tease him about something funny that happened at work, just ease back into your natural rhythm.

I’m curious though—do you think part of your shortness comes from being afraid he’ll pull away first, so you’re beating him to it before it can hurt?

[Flirt Coach]

Yeah, I’ve been there, kid. Maybe not the same situation, but I know that feeling wanting to act cool when something’s got you feeling a little too exposed. You like someone, they pull back even a little, and suddenly your guard shoots up before you can even stop it. It’s like your heart’s saying “don’t get hurt again,” and your pride’s just along for the ride.

I did the same kind of dance years ago after my divorce. I met someone who made me feel alive again, and when she didn’t always meet my energy, I’d pull away first. I told myself I didn’t care, but truth was, I cared too much. That push-and-pull mess wears you down.

Here’s what I learned: you don’t need a big speech or confession right now. You just need to show up different. Next time he talks to you, smile. Let your tone soften. Ask him something small, like how his day’s going or what project he’s on. Little gestures rebuild the bridge without you having to wave a flag that says “I like you.”

If he’s decent and actually interested, he’ll notice the shift and meet you halfway. And if he doesn’t, well, at least you’ll walk away knowing you didn’t let fear make you someone you’re not. That’s worth more than trying to figure out what’s in his head.

So yeah, maybe skip the “sorry I was rude, I like you” talk for now. Just show it in how you treat him. Warm, steady, confident that’s how people notice the real you.

[Author]

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