[JesseKim]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now and we still adore eachother. I’m 18 and he’s 19. We also lost our virginity to one another last May. I enjoy sex but he seems to want it ALL the time (like most 19 year old guys I know). That wouldn’t be a problem except that if I say no it turns into a HUGE fight, I mean to the point of almost breaking up. It’s gotten a little better recently and we always work it out, but I know he resents me because he feels like I get whatever I want and he doesn’t.
It’s very difficult for me to see him unhappy but I don’t know that breaking up would make either of us happier. And, honestly, if we broke up and were miserable, I know he’s too proud to come back to me. I don’t want to lose the man I love over sex, but I just can’t (and won’t) force myself to sleep with him whenever he wants it. We’re moving in together in a few months and I have the hope that maybe something will change, but I’m not sure. I love him so much but at the amount we’re fighting I am, of course, being drawn to look at other options, such as leaving him for the good of both of us. I don’t want it to come to that but no matter how many times we talk it out we fight again a week later. I need some advice, should I stay and hope it gets better when we live together, or should I leave and risk losing something great? The next few moves I make are going to be life alterring, and I don’t want to make the wrong decision for either of us.

[JesseKim]

someone? please?

[joe2424]

Hey JesseKim,

Here to help, been there and done that! Ok, what is going to settle you man down is age. He’s at a maturity level right now that is difficult to deal with for the both of you. The more he presses the issue, the less you want to do it right? Happens to the best of them. What he needs to realize is that you’re not a 7-11, and you’re not open for business 24-7. My now wife, who was my girlfriend at the time, told me that if I don’t quit my B.S. that she would close up shop completely. Well, that got my attention real quick, and I backed off. I started working for it, and doing things to make her want to have sex! You shouldn’t ever feel that you need to have sex to keep your man. If this relationship is the real deal, and you love each other unconditionally, then sex cannot break it apart. No one likes to argue, but stick to your guns. Is there a compromise that can be worked out? I’m afraid moving in together will just make it worse as it stands right now. What else can you say other than he’s 19, and doesn’t know squat about treating his women. Your BF is in for a rude awakening when he comes to grips that the women has the Vajayjay, and she is in control of the sex life! Make sure you think things out completely before you do something drastic. He sounds like an alright guy, he’s just horny! Let him get mad, he’s got to learn this lesson eventually, might as well be now! Good luck!

[tricia]

That’s a big NO for me. Relationship is not all because of sex. After reading your story, I think the only reason behind your dates and meet ups was to conduct that such thing. If love is real, then sex should be set aside and what matter most is your presence.

[JesseKim]

He does love me and says he likes sex because its an intimacy thing. But today for example we were together and i wanted to have sex but then as he pushed harhder i didnt and then a fight began. We actually broke up today and ended up together again because he finally said “i love you, dont leave” yet he broke up with me. I’m so lost at this time and he says we can just stop but I don’t think HE can.

[katdawg]

you should stick to your guns. i’m now 36 and i’m still single. i was married to the wrong man for 9 years and got married at 27 and THAT was too young – and you’re how old? i have so many regrets, but i know i can’t go back and change anything. what i realize now at my age is that i should have saved something as sacred as sex for marriage. it’s hard, very hard. as i’m turning to religion to help me through life i am learning as i go. i’m in the same situation as yourself – but at 36. wow! i’m realizing i don’t want sex unless it is in a loving committed relationship and i’ve learned that that means marriage. my experience at 19, when i thought i was in love and wanted to do whatever it took to keep a “boy”, i found myself pregnant. unfortunately i took a life. BIGGEST regret of my life and now that it is very difficult for me to get pregnant – which is part of why i let my ex husband go – i get angry (at times). do you think at your age you’re ready for consequences should your actions create a human life? is HE ready …that should be the question? there’s a whole lot of life ahead of you and as my father once told me there are a MILLION men on this EARTH….is this one really worth it and is everything you WANT in a man? first off…he’s not respecting you and what you’ve expressed. so…is this rape…since your no does not mean no to him?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

I am here to help, and happy to answer any questions you have. 😀

[Natalie Noah]

You are deeply in love with your boyfriend, and that makes the situation even more complicated. You clearly care about him and your relationship, but the recurring conflicts around sex are creating stress and emotional strain. The key issue here is consent and mutual respect: no one should feel pressured to have sex, and arguments or threats of breaking up in response to a “no” are not healthy. Your feelings and boundaries are completely valid, and a loving, mature partner should honor them rather than trying to push past them or make you feel guilty.

It also seems like your boyfriend is at a stage where his desire for sex is very high, which is common for someone his age, but his inability to respect your limits is a red flag. The pattern of fighting whenever you say no can escalate over time, especially if you are planning to move in together. Living together will increase intimacy and stress in a relationship, and without a foundation of respect for each other’s boundaries, these fights could become even more frequent and damaging. His repeated push-and-pull behavior breaking up during fights and then begging you not to leave can create an unhealthy dynamic where the lines between love and control get blurred.

The important thing here is to prioritize your emotional and physical well-being. Staying in a relationship where your “no” isn’t honored can lead to resentment and long-term damage, even if the love is real. It might be helpful to have an honest conversation with him, outside of arguments, about your boundaries and expectations for a healthy sexual relationship. If he cannot respect your limits or continues to pressure you, it may be necessary to reconsider whether this relationship is right for you, regardless of your feelings for him. Love is important, but mutual respect, trust, and safety are essential for a sustainable, happy relationship.

[Member]

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