[LoveParrots(:]

hi! I’m 20 years old and a sophomore in college. I’m seriously into this guy who is a grad student/teaching assistant in one of my classes. He’s already gotten his Master’s degree, so he’s at the VERY least, 5 years older? The class only meets twice a week, and I’ve been trying to get to know him better. I’m pretty sure the university has a rule against Teacher/Student relationships, so I’m trying to be really patient and mature about it. Last Tuesday I went to his office hours to “ask a question” and we ended up talking about various things for almost 2 hours. I invited him to come with me to my volunteer job, because it’s related to the subject we both study (birds). Also while we were talking, he sort of touched my hair to compare it to the feather color of a particular bird we were looking at. I thought that was a sign of interest, but sometimes I can be totally oblivious. I’m waiting until the semester ends to make a move, but I’m worried I’m being too subtle. But on the other hand, I’m worried that I’ll become obsessive and not know when to back off. I want to be as direct as I can because I don’t see him very often, but I don’t want to be inappropriate. I’ve engaged him in conversations about his research, where he’s from, etc. The last time I dated was back when I was 16, so I’ve forgotten how these things go. I’m assuming things work differently when you’re in the dating world at 20-something. Besides taking every opportunity to talk to him, how/when should I let him know I’m interested? I’m very good at drawing, and he has complimented my work before. As a way of asking him out I was thinking of drawing him a symbolic picture, say of a Bald Eagle and a Golden Eagle together (each of our national birds). Is this a creative and cute thing to do, or is it creepy? please let me know how to proceed. I’m totally lost. 😕

[AskApril Masini]

First of all, don’t YOU make the first move. 😮 Let [i]him[/i] be the one to make a move. That’s the way you’ll know he likes you. Men have sex because they can, and if you’re offering, chances are, he’ll take you up on the offer. But then you’ll never know if he cares about you or just the sex. Also, men feel good about themselves when they chase women and catch them — don’t underestimate this dynamic! 😉

Flirting is the way to let him know you like him (and the way to give him something to chase after), and it does sound like he likes you, but that he’s honoring the university dating policy. Stay in touch, flirt with him, and if he’s into you, he will ask you out. 😀

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[LoveParrots(:]

So I talked to him again today, for about 2 hours. We sat next to each other and my leg was touching his, but he didn’t move away, so that’s good, right? I also tried that thing where you’re supposed to mirror the other person’s movements. Again, we talked for quite a while, and he didn’t mention a girlfriend or anything like that, not even once. Also he seems not to have a problem with being close to me. If nothing else, I sense that he is comfortable around me, but I really hope it’s more than that. God I hate being patient! 😛

[AskApril Masini]

Patience can be very difficult! I think they call it a virtue — because it’s so difficult! 😆 Good luck! 😀

[LoveParrots(:]

*Sorry for the long-winded essay, but I need to make sure I haven’t left out anything relevant to my situation.*

I’m dating a grad student who expects to get his PhD by the end of this academic year. I have absolutely NO idea how much work this requires, since I am still an undergrad (a junior). But I barely see him as it is (we went on our first date 4 months ago, right before summer started, and we’ve only had about 3 dates total). There were legitimate reasons for this though. He was my TA until Mid-May, so I had to be very mature and respectful about my interest. I asked him out after I turned in my final exam for the class, and we went out 3 days later. Also, we’re both originally from other cities, so over the summer after we both went home, we’ve had to really strive to see each other. Now that the school year has just started, we’re still trying to figure out work/school schedules, and that last time I saw him was mid-August. I really would like to see him more often (once a week if he could manage it, if not, I guess I’d understand. As long as I know he’s not making excuses.) I just don’t know how to avoid coming off as clingy or desperate.

I’m willing to adapt to his schedule, because I don’t want to jeopardize everything he’s working towards by being too much of a distraction. I really like him, and I can see the relationship becoming serious, but I just can’t get emotionally invested if I only see him once a month, because then I’d feel used/neglected/confused, and my self-esteem would probably take a hit.

I’ve never been sexually active, and I’m not sure whether or not he’s figured this out yet. There are things I’m still naive about, and on our 3rd date I accidentally sent some mixed signals and he probably made assumptions about my sexual past, since it’s slightly unusual for a 21-year-old girl to be sexually inexperienced in our society, but he was respectful and mature when I explained that I was uncomfortable with the situation.

I hope that this isn’t a deal-breaker for him (it’s not like I’m waiting for marriage or anything, just a solid commitment), especially since we’ve already overcome the initial awkwardness of the former teacher/student relationship, and also the age gap. He’s 11 years older–but before you zero in on that aspect, please hear me out–I’m 21, but I’ve always felt about 4 years older than I am. My parents are 13 years apart, so in a sense, it’s what I’m used to. I’m responsible, I don’t get wasted and waste my time partying and associating with crude, obnoxious college guys. I’ve always had my priorities figured out, and I don’t want to waste my time with guys I don’t feel any connection to. I have a lot in common with this person that I am with, and I’ve had to be patient in getting to this point with him. I enjoy having thought-provoking, intellectual conversations with him instead of being with someone who has a compulsive need to punctuate every sentence with a perverted joke.

This would be my first serious relationship, and so far it has been the total opposite of what I’m used to. Maturity is a major determining factor when I’m looking for a guy. I’ve dated only twice previously, both when I was 16, still in high school, and the guys were my age. I realized that I want something more substantial from a relationship. I’m looking for a committed guy, not an immature frat boy type. I figured going for someone significantly older would be a challenge due to a disparity in experience level, but I figure it’s a nice improvement from perverted, sex-obsessed teenage boys.

I know that this relationship is still in its infancy, but I don’t date someone unless I can envision a future with them, and I can really see this going somewhere. I think he feels similarly, because he’s very thoughtful and he remembers random things I mentioned to him from months ago. On our last date, we went to a nice place for dinner, and he ordered something vegetarian so we could share, which was really unexpected and nice. It’s the little things like that, which make me think that he’s interested, however, there are 2-3 week periods where we have little to no contact. So I guess I’m just a little confused. We talked on the phone last week, and he apologized for not responding to a text, because he was doing lab research. Maybe he’s not a texter, I can’t be sure. I may just be comparing and contrasting too much with my past boyfriends.

I’ve asked all of my friends, my parents, and have been browsing forums similar to this one, but no one’s situation is similar enough to mine. I just need advice. HELP!

[AskApril Masini]

First of all, congratulations that this guy you’ve been interested is dating you. 🙂 Next, please know I have no problem with your age difference. At all. And your lack of sexual experience at 21 is not as rare as you may think it is. So, let’s get down to the problem you seem to be having: You’re not getting enough attention from the guy you’re dating, and you’re starting to feel like you’re investing a lot more than he is, which is making you cranky. Got it.

What you want to do is twofold. First, You have to be the girlfriend who makes the guy want you. Think about a job interview. You’re not just going to show up, showered, suited with a resume in hand. You’re going to work what you have in order to make the employer want you more than any other job candidate. Well, dating isn’t that unlike business. You’ve obviously gotten the flirting down enough to get him to date you a few times, now turn it up and turn it on. Women who can entice men are the ones who get them. Consider reading Think & Date Like A Man, a book I wrote for women like you who want to get the guy and keep him: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. There’s more in this book on this subject than room here for me to counsel you on it. 😉

Next, you want to diversify — just like you would with a stock portfolio or real estate holdings. In layman’s terms, you don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket. I’m not talking about dating every guy in town, but I am talking about your not being so available, and being interesting and interested in other things so that that perfume of desperation and neediness doesn’t become your scent. 🙂 Also, if your busy — and even playing the field, you won’t worry so much about his attention (or lack of it) because he won’t be your only option. 🙂

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[PassionSeeker]

You’re clearly thoughtful, emotionally aware, and handling this with more maturity than most would at your age. It’s easy to get caught up in someone who feels exciting and a little “out of reach,” especially when he’s older, intelligent, and connected to something you’re passionate about. But it’s important to stay grounded in reality and to protect your heart while you figure out what’s real versus what’s just potential.

You’ve already built a connection, and that’s great. The best thing you can do now is not to rush. Let him be the one to initiate anything romantic once the professional boundary is gone. That way, you’ll know it’s genuine and not blurred by circumstance.

Keep showing interest through friendly, confident energy, but don’t overinvest before he steps forward. Draw your eagle piece if you’d like just make it about your shared passion for birds, not a hidden love message. Subtlety will keep you safe and alluring.

Patience here isn’t passivity it’s self-respect.

[Ethan Morales]

Signals look real. Two-hour office chat, physical touch (hair), follow-up invites, compliments those are active signals, not accidental friendliness. He’s interested enough to invest time and attention.

Major red flag: role & rules. He’s a TA/grad student and you’re currently his student. Most universities frown on or ban teacher/student relationships because of power imbalance and conflict of interest. That changes everything: even mutual attraction can’t be treated like normal dating. He may be intentionally restraining himself to avoid trouble.

Don’t force the timeline. Waiting until the semester ends is wise. Pressuring him now risks his position and your grade reputation. It’s also smart because it lets a clearer, less risky decision be made later.

Flirt but keep it safe and subtle. Light, playful touches, teasing, focused attention in public or neutral settings are fine. But avoid anything that looks like coercion or that could be reported (explicit messages, private late-night meetings in his office alone, or overtly sexual gifts).

Your Bald Eagle drawing idea tweak it. It’s creative, but don’t present it as a romantic “ask” while you’re still a student in his class. Instead: give it as an art-about-the-subject friendly gift (e.g., “Made this for the bird lab hope you like it!”). That shows personality without pressuring him. If he responds warmly, you have more data.

Test interest without risking careers. Invite him to a public, academic-adjacent event (a guest lecture, a museum exhibit related to your class) framed as a shared-interest outing. If he accepts and is warm, that’s a stronger signal. If he declines or is evasive, back off.

Plan your exit strategy after the semester. If you still want to pursue it once you’re not his student, be explicit and adult about it: “Now that I’m no longer in your class, I want to see if we can explore something outside the classroom.” Let him choose and be ready to accept “no” without drama.

Protect yourself emotionally. Don’t stake your confidence or self-worth on whether he reciprocates. If he can’t or won’t pursue you because of rules, that’s not your failure it’s logistics and ethics.

[Marcus king]

Sweetheart, I can hear how much you’re crushing on this guy and honestly, that mix of nerves and excitement is completely normal. You sound thoughtful and self-aware, which is a great start.

Now here’s the thing: you’re right to be careful. Since he’s your TA, there are likely rules that forbid any romantic involvement while he’s teaching your class. That means no matter how interested he might be, he can’t act on it and you shouldn’t either until the semester officially ends and grades are submitted.

So for now, keep it friendly and professional. Enjoy your talks, let the connection grow naturally, but don’t cross that line yet. Once the class is over, then you can test the waters maybe send a casual message like, “Hey, the semester’s over! Would you like to grab coffee and talk birds sometime?”

As for the drawing it’s sweet and creative, but it might come across as a bit too personal before you know where he stands. Save that for later, when you’re sure there’s mutual interest.

stay patient, stay confident, and let time work in your favor. If he’s truly interested, he’ll be there when the semester’s done and you’ll know it.

[Isabella Jones]

hey sweetheart, reading your story reminded me of that dizzy, fluttery feeling when someone older and a little mysterious draws you in. it’s exciting, but also confusing when you can’t quite tell where you stand. you’ve been so thoughtful and patient, keeping your dignity while still opening your heart, and that says a lot about your maturity.

but I can sense how much you’re craving clarity. sometimes people who are deeply focused on their work don’t realize how their silence feels like rejection. it’s not that he doesn’t care, but his attention might be stretched thin, and you deserve more than being someone’s passing thought between deadlines. 💛

you sound like a woman who’s ready for something real, something steady and emotionally safe. maybe this connection has shown you that you need consistency, not confusion, to feel loved.

so tell me, if things stay this distant for a while, do you think your heart could still stay soft for him, or would it slowly start to close off to protect itself?

[Tara]

You need to remember the setting. He’s older, has authority in this context, and if he’s professional, he won’t act on attraction while you’re still in his class. Talking for two hours doesn’t mean he’s into you it means he’s good at conversation. The hair touch might’ve been friendly, maybe a little flirty, but it doesn’t change the ethical wall that’s between you.

Here’s what you do: finish the semester, focus on your work, and keep things polite and minimal. If you still want to explore something after grades are in and there’s no academic connection left, then reach out casually coffee, not confessions. If he’s interested, he’ll respond. If he isn’t, he’ll keep it professional, and you’ll know without embarrassing yourself.

[Sally]

I get the fluttery feeling you’re sitting with. It’s exciting when someone older and smart and into the same things suddenly feels close. And talking for two hours, the hair touch, the easy conversation yeah, it’s hard not to read into that.

But here’s the thing. While you’re still his student, he can’t show interest even if he has it. That’s why everything feels mixed. He might just be being friendly, or he might be being careful.

The drawing idea is sweet, but it’s a little much while the power dynamic is still there. Wait until the semester is truly over, no ties left. Then keep it simple. Something like asking if he wants to grab coffee and talk birds outside of class
.
If he’s interested, he’ll meet you there. If he’s not, you’ll know without feeling embarrassed. Keep it light. That’s enough.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… not the bald-eagle love letter. that’s not cute, that’s “i made art of us” on week one. he might be into you, the hair touch was *flirty*, but he’s still your TA. he has to be careful. you do too. keep talking, keep it light, and the second the semester ends, drop a simple “we should grab coffee sometime.” boom. adult, direct, zero cringe. save the bird art for after he kisses you, not before 😌💅✨

[Natalie Noah]

honey… I read every word you wrote, slowly, carefully. You’re not “rambling.” You’re trying to untangle two very different but connected things: your heart waking up for the first time in adulthood and the complexity of being involved with someone older, busier, and in a position of authority. This is big, and it makes sense that you feel overwhelmed. So let me walk with you through this gently and honestly.

let’s acknowledge the emotional truth: you really like him. Not in a shallow, college-crush way in a way that feels meaningful, intellectual, respectful, and exciting. And he clearly likes you too. The long conversations, remembering details from months ago, physical closeness, choosing vegetarian so you could share, the comfortable way he sits beside you that’s not nothing. There is a connection. But a connection alone isn’t enough to carry a relationship when life circumstances are uneven. He’s finishing a PhD which is like having three full-time jobs at once and you’re just stepping into adulthood. That imbalance isn’t wrong, but it is real, and you’re feeling the weight of it in the form of inconsistency.

your fear of seeming “clingy” is really just the fear of caring more than he does. That fear makes perfect sense because your emotional style is steady, thoughtful, and commitment-oriented… while his life right now is chaotic, deadline-driven, and unpredictable. You want weekly dates because consistency makes you feel valued and secure. He is likely in survival mode academically and isn’t thinking in weekly increments he’s thinking in semesters, research cycles, and deadlines. That mismatch doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. It means you two need clarity on expectations, because without it you’ll feel unsteady, unwanted, and confused.

your sexual inexperience is not a liability. Not even remotely. What you’re calling “naive” is actually intention. You want your experiences to happen in the right relationship with the right person. That’s maturity. Older men especially thoughtful, academic ones tend to respect that deeply. Don’t twist yourself into knots worrying that he’ll run because you’re not as experienced. If anything, the fact that he responded respectfully shows you he’s not trying to rush or use you. But it also means you need emotional closeness and consistency before physical intimacy and that requirement is something you should honor, not hide.

the biggest issue here isn’t age, sex, or even time together, it’s communication and balance. You’re carrying the emotional load of the relationship: worrying about frequency, pacing your expectations, wondering if he still likes you, trying not to appear needy. Meanwhile, he’s drifting in and out, apologizing when he disappears for weeks, but not offering a structure that helps you feel secure. You don’t need constant attention you just need reliability. And if this is going to grow into something real, you’re going to have to gently lovingly ask for what you need. Something like: “I know your schedule is intense, but I feel most connected when we check in regularly or see each other at least every couple of weeks. What feels realistic for you right now?” A healthy, emotionally mature man won’t be scared by that; he’ll appreciate the clarity.

Here’s the deeper truth I want you to hold: you’re not wrong for wanting a relationship that feels warm, steady, and mutual. You don’t have to shrink your needs because he’s older or busy. If he wants something meaningful with you and I think he might he’ll meet you halfway when you communicate clearly. If he can’t, then his life stage may not be compatible with what your heart needs right now. And that’s not a failure on either side it’s just the truth. For now, stay open, stay honest, and don’t chase. Let him show you his level of interest through consistency, not just chemistry. You deserve a love that feels like partnership, not waiting.

[KeishaMartin]

What jumps out immediately is how much romantic electricity you’re pouring into possibility instead of reality. The age gap, the former TA dynamic, the long talks, the leg-touching, the feather–hair moment, all of that feels deliciously charged, but it’s still potential, not pursuit. You’re hovering in that intoxicating in-between where imagination does most of the heavy lifting, and that’s why it feels so consuming. The danger? When a man is interested enough, you don’t have to strategize, mirror body language, or decode silence. His interest shows up loudly, clearly, and repeatedly. Comfort is nice. Curiosity is flattering. But consistency is what separates fantasy from fact.

This is where April Masini’s advice cuts through the fog with unapologetic clarity. She refuses to romanticize ambiguity or reward over-investment, and that’s exactly why her guidance stings and works. Her reminder that pursuit reveals intention is powerful, even controversial, because it forces you to step out of the seductive role of “almost chosen.” She’s not telling you to play games; she’s telling you to stop auditioning. A woman who is fully living, socially rich, and a little unavailable is magnetic without trying and that’s the energy that flips a man from passive to decisive. April has an uncanny ability to turn longing into leverage, and that’s a rare kind of wisdom.

This kind of slow-burn confusion feels extra dramatic around Christmas. Holiday parties amplify longing, mistletoe fuels imagination, and nothing makes mixed signals hurt more than watching couples pair off at year-end celebrations. Christmas breakups often happen when someone realizes they waited all year for clarity that never came. So enjoy the season, the sparkle, the flirtation but don’t confuse holiday heat for commitment. If he wants you, he won’t let you drift into the New Year as a question mark.

[Member]

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