[chichi55]

I am new to this website and I stumbled on a few of your articles that partially resonated with what I am going through but not entirely. It is a pretty long story, so I hope you are willing to hear me out.
For as long as I can remember, I have always been socially awkward. When it came to guys, it was much worse. I have somewhat grown out of that awkwardness (emphasis on “somewhat” but it’s still hard. Since I entered college this past year, my physical appearance has been changing for the better (and it still is). And with a change in physical appearance, guys have started to pay attention to me more (well kinda…it was more attention than I received in high school though). I have met guys who I thought a relationship would happen, but to no avail (i never had sex with them). For some, I didn’t mind staying friends. Others, I did not have a problem cutting them off. But this particular boy has been stuck on my mind. We’ll call him O. So I met O earlier this past semester. I got along with just fine as he seemed to get along with others as well. I could tell he was very charismatic and out going. Well one day we exchanged numbers (well i put my number in his phone and told him about….I know, I know…why??) and he texted me later that night. We talked a little bit, nothing big (O hates texting) and asked me to call him the next day. Well, like and idiot, I did, and he wanted me to come over the same day (around 7 or 8 at night….yes I am an idiot). since it was dark outside, I wanted O to at least stay on the phone with me while i walk to his place, which he wasn’t willing to do at first, but decided to wait outside. I came over and we talked for awhile. the conversation quickly got into sex and relationship (a big NO NO, I know) . In the mist of that, he asked if I wanted to be a FWB relationship, since he did not see himself being in a relationship for awhile. But a FWB relationship was not was I was looking for, but I didn’t explicitly say “uh, NO!” but did tell him I was looking for a relationship (he probably thought i was clingy). Well continued our conversation and next thing you know, I’m making out with him! I can’t lie, it was nice. he dropped me off at my dorm and I was elated the entire night. The next morning, i texted him good morning ( another mistake I made) but I didn’t think anything of since I’m sure he didn’t think of me in “that” way. But he sounded so distant i literally wondered what I was doing wrong. Well the coverstation was short and sweet. The next few days, however, he was on to the next girl (or other girls) and practicely forgot all about me. As you can tell, I was hurt. I honestly had so much hope in this guy. I really wanted him to be my boyfriend ( since i never had one) and he just up and forgot about me. I feel so pathetic getting all worked up over a just making out , cause its not like I slept with him (thank God), but still…. I feel like the reason why I am upset is because he only thought of me as a f*ck buddy and not as a potential girlfriend but I know there’s more to it than that. I don’t know anymore. I want to have more faith in guys, but I feel like for as long as I am in college, guys don’t want girls like me, girls that want to wait for commitment. For awhile, I resented him, but I’m “cool” with him now. Still, I can help but harbor angry feelings for him everytime i think of him. I keep telling myself that i’m over him and I don’t care what he does, but i guess i’m not. or am I? Your help would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
Chi Chi

[AskApril Masini]

The best way to get over him is to focus on other things — and if you’re looking for a guy to be your boyfriend, then you have to act like a woman who is girlfriend material. That means giving him something to chase after and win over. I know you don’t think that what you did was throwing yourself at him, but you made it way too easy for him, and then you got upset when he wasn’t interested. There are men who want to date you and treat you like a girlfriend, but you have to be willing to find them, and act like the girlfriend they want. 😉 If you change your own behavior, you’ll have better luck finding men with better behavior. 😀

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[ncsaturn]

Do you think as your outward appearance has changed you have kept what you think is the past unattractive image of yourself? I used to weigh 120 lbs, then I went up to 210. I just had a hard time reconciling the difference in my appearance. I lost almost 60 pounds but I still had the unattractive image of myself.

It also seems you have a lot of negative self speak going on. I say this especially in regards to you put in after thoughts of your sentences. It feels like you are saying “I want to say I know I am not right before you can say it. I know I am wrong”. If you are beating yourself up…try to stop.

Good luck. It really is tough to get someone out of your thoughts at times. It can seem like a bad tape loop.

[AskApril Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.
😉

[Member]

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