[Anonymous]

I have been seeing a really great guy for a month now and although we share a bed 5 nights a week and cuddle and have amazing foreplay, he always stops at the point where I think we’re going to have sex. Ive tried asking him gently why he stops, but he just says I will “understand eventually”. He obviously has no erectile problems, and is so loving and affectionate. He has told me he loves me and tells me lots of stuff that he says hes never told anyone else. The only reason I can see for this is that he is still a virgin. He has told me his last relationship was 10 years ago and only lasted 8 months. He really is my dream man, and although sex doesnt make or break a relationship, I really want to have sex with him. I’ve tried to reassure him when we are having foreplay by telling him “thats nice” etc….What do I do? I cant ask him outright as I dont want to make him feel emarrassed, and I want him to tell me the reason when hes ready. Please help!dora

[Anonymous]

Dora,

I have to admit this sounds like a mystery. There is not really any way to know what is going on unless you are able to discuss it with him. If your relationship is serious enough to include sex, then this is something you should be able to talk about with him.

Good Luck

[Anonymous]

I think you should just be honest with him. Tell him what you want. Tell him that you want to have sex with him. If he shys away then I think you should come right out and ask him if he is a virgin. More likely than not, if he is then he is embarrassed about it and doesn’t want to say it out loud, but if you were to ask him where as his reply would only have to be yes or no then it probably wouldn’t be so bad for him especially if you comfort him if he does admit to being a virgin. Honesty is really the best policy no matter how hard it may be to tell the truth. In the end it always gets you want.

[AskApril Masini]

Do not have a talk with him. If you do, you’re going to make him feel self-conscious and pressured. In addition to which, you’ve only been dating him a month, so slow down, cowboy! 😆

The first thing I’d advise you to do is not to spend five nights a week with him. It’s too much too soon, and you’re making things too easy for him not to chase you. In addition to which, if you’re not in his bed so much, he may want you more. Right now, if he’s not ready to have sex with you because it’s too soon in the relationship for him to have sex or to tell you why he’s not having sex, your being there, literally, in his bed five nights a week is probably making things difficult for him.

So if you want to find out more about how he feels about you, back off and give him something to chase. He’s got to feel like he’s the man in charge in the relationship — not the one being pursued. If you can readjust your behavior to allow for this dynamic, I think you’ll find he’ll be a lot more interested and open with you.

[Member]

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