[RT86]

The rundown: so I’ve been seeing this girl I met online for a little over 3 weeks now.I have been talking with her fairly regularly and we have been hanging out 1-2 times per week. I’d say we pretty much hit it off from the beginning. We are both attracted to each other, have great conversation and have some great things in common. Recently she has introduced me to her close friends and I felt like things were going very well and progressing at a good pace. We have been physical with each other, but no sex…which I am completely ok with and find it refreshing to get to know someone first before we hop in the sack with each other. Overall I really like this girl, she has lots going for her, a great career ahead of her and I can 100 percent see myself in a relationship with her…I also thought/think it still could be mutual.

The issue: Just the other night we hung out, grabbed some ice cream at a local shop and watched a movie together. Overall the night went real well. The next day we had a date planned, this had been planned prior to hanging out the previous night. I made reservations at a nice restaurant, everything was set. The same day I received a text basically saying she didn’t really want anything right now (obviously meaning a serious relationship) but she was still up getting dinner and spending time together. I preceded to call her and ask what was up…long story short she felt things could be moving real fast and she doesn’t know if she’s ready to be with someone again. She said these feelings just hit her the previous night and doesn’t really know where they came from or why she feels this way. She likes hanging out with me and is attracted to me but I think since all of a sudden things are growing stronger between us and becoming a reality she just shut down and got scared…idk, maybe I’m completely wrong. I know that her past consists of long term relationships that didn’t pan out and she hasn’t really lived the single life…ever to my knowledge. So I’m thinking this is a phase she is just going through because she obviously likes being in relationships.

Part of me wants to cut ties and move on because I’m scared of being in a grey area with her if we continue to hang out…not knowing where I stand. The other part of me likes her enough to stick it out and continue to put myself out there for her because I do see great potential between us.

Our last conversation (the one I mentioned above) was left at “lets just play it out and see what happens”. I plan to not contact her and give her some space with hope that she will realize she may not want to loose me and so she can figure out what she wants to do.

Overall I’m just looking for any advice you experts may have. I’m not real good in these situations and would hate to look back at this and say “once again I messed up”. Any advice is much appreciated.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Do you have a specific question?

[RT86]

Wondering why she up and said she didn’t want anything serious out of the blue when everything was going very well?

[RT86]

And any advice on how to handle it, under the assumption I want to try making this work.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Wondering why she up and said she didn’t want anything serious out of the blue when everything was going very well?[/quote]

It may have been out of the blue for you — but I don’t think it was for her. Consider that for her, you’re one of several guys she met online. The two of you hung out for three weeks, and when you finally asked her out on a date, she decided it wasn’t a good match for her.

I know you want to make this work, but you’ve only invested three weeks in the relationship and she’s decided she’s not interested. My advice is to move on and find someone who wants to date you! 😉 I agree with you not to “play it out and see what happens”. I think that was her way of politely brushing you off.

You might want to look back and see what you could have done differently. I don’t know how old the two of you are, but if she was looking for a serious relationship, then three weeks of hanging out might have been better spent dating instead to show your intention. However, if you’re looking for a slower pace, then she’s just not the right woman at the right time for you. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[RT86]

Thanks for the advice, much appreciated. We actually went on 4 dates…sorry, thats what I meant when I said “hung out”. Either way, not sure if that makes any difference. Today she said she still wants to hang out. No plans have been made and maybe I will if she takes the initiative to plan something to do.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t be too available. Nice guys finish last, and if she thinks you’re someone who’s valuable and wanted by others, she’s going to want you more. 😉

[RT86]

Perfect, thought that may be the way to handle it. Think I just needed to hear it from someone who knows what they are talking about. I’ll play it cool and see how it goes 😎 Thanks again!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome!

Let me know how it goes. 😀

[RT86]

Quick question, would you recommend I disappear for a week or two or keep very light convo via text every few days or so? Or maybe call her? I’ve responded to her few texts shes sent but waited a few hours to respond. This is the part of dating I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the best at (playing hard to get), but I’m attempting to improve it. This is generally the part where I crash and burn and loose the girl. Once again, I appreciate the advice 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Im glad you asked because this is the part of dating that very often feels unnatural to so many people — men and women — because it’s different than the rest of your life. In fact, until you get used to it, it will feel like you’re learning a new skill or a new sport. But once you understand the reason for dating to win, and become good at it, you’ll see the result!

What you want to do is to make yourself more attractive to her, and the simple concept is that something that’s valuable is more desired than something that’s common. Now, you have to make yourself valuable. If you are too available, you’re easy to get and not valuable, but if you only call or contact her every now and then, and she’s waiting by the phone, really excited to hear back from you, you’ve let her know your value — because you’ve recognized it and cultivated it yourself!

I know you want her, and the frequent contact makes you feel good, but that’s a short term “high” because you’ll lose her if there’s no desire to hear from you on her part. Leave her wanting more — which means returning her texts the next day — or not at all. Instead, call and ask her out on a date. And if she doesn’t respond. Back off for a few weeks.

Also, don’t wait for her to take the initiative to plan a date — YOU take charge. Women are in charge of their own lives every day. If you want to really make an impact on her life, then YOU plan the date, and you be the one to initiate the invitation. When you do have contact with her — whether it’s in person, on the phone or by text — if you’re making yourself scare, then really make her happy to hear from you when you’re in contact. In other words, don’t be cool to her when you’re in contact — but cool the amount of contact.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[RT86]

This is great! So would you suggest putting a time table on calling her to ask her out? Give it a few more days? Will I come off needy if I call her up even tonight? Our last correspondence was through text (small talk/flirting) Monday night, she had the last words. Thanks again 🙂

[RT86]

I ended up calling her today, we talked for about a half hour and we have plans to go out this Friday! Anything I should keep in mind as I try progressing this into something more serious over time? Anything I SHOULDN’T do or avoid doing through this process?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m happy to answer your questions — but it really seems like you want a lot of specific advice, and rather than spoon feed you each step of the way, I’m going to suggest that you buy (it’s only $8.99) the book I wrote for men who want to get the girl, Date Out of Your League: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It’s an automatic downloadable e-book, so you can buy it and read it immediately! It’s got answers to all your questions, and I think it’s going to be particularly helpful to you because it’s got a lot of details. That way you can skim it or re-read it cover to cover.

Let me know if you have questions after you read it.

Good luck! Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[RT86]

Thanks again for all your advice! I tried purchasing your book from your site but had a few challenges downloading it. I sent an email to your tech support email and still waiting to hear back. I am eager to start reading your book!

Also to give you an update, I am still talking with this girl and have been on another date since my last email! Once again it went very well. I took your advice and have been hanging back a little more and have cooled the amount of contacts, trying to leave her wanting more and I have noticed a positive change! I am still working towards a relationship with her, but have been taking it more slowly.

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