[vb2007]

Hi all,

I am in my first (and forever) relationship with an amazing girl, almost my age (21). We started out nearly 2 years ago, and it was wonderful for quite sometime. Then slowly, problems started creeping in, and from the past few months, it’s only getting worse. And it’s ALL due to me. I deeply love her, and she loves me equally crazily. Yet, at times, I get mad at certain things she does (she does a few mistakes here and there, but they’re all really minor.) I don’t want her to be perfect with me, I want to give her full freedom with me…. but I really don’t know what happens to me at times. I have lost my temper, and screamed at her and slapped her, even in public. I know it’s just HORRIBLE.
But I really want to overcome this and treat her with all the love in the world.

I have assured her many many times that I am trying hard to improve myself, mainly my temper and lack of patience and understanding. I do really try, but some days later, I am back with that problem. She’s really tired of all this… and she’s stopped talking to me, for sometime. She obviously needs a break. But I really don’t want to lose her. She is my everything. Its so paradoxical. We love each other so much, but when I feel she is not giving me enough attention/importance I go wild. I feel very very sorry for her. In site of my ridiculous behaviour, she stayed with me hoping I will change some day. Now she’s completely lost hopes.

I don’t want to trouble her anymore. If leaving her is the best thing I can do for her, I am ready for that. But I want to try one last time before that, and put in my best to improve and get her back to me. The main problem is I lose temper easily, and that upsets her, and it in turn aggravates the situation. I don’t know what’s happening to me… I act violently with someone who deserves to be worshipped!

Please help me out with your advice. I really need her back. And most importantly, I want to be great with her, and never get upset with her. She is very badly hurt, and I want to really change and heal her heart…

Thanks a lot!!!!
Suhas

[kai]

You seem like a very aware, intelligent and sensitive guy who really loves this woman. Unfortunately, you also (by your own admission) have a violent temper and have hit the woman you love so much. My suggestion would be to get yourself into some type of anger management counseling — one geared towards dealing with domestic violence. Once you’ve taken this step, perhaps you could ask her to attend some of the sessions with you.

I think you need to seek help for yourself as well as for anyone else you may become involved with. If you don’t, you will end up hurting someone with you going to prison.

[ThinkingRight]

You seem to have recognized you have a real problem. Good, although you will continue to repeat this behavior until you get professional help or end up in jail. Look at what trouble you have already caused yourself. It will only get worse. This is crazy behavior, you MUST STOP NOW!! Cowboy up, stop being a little whiner and be a responsible loving caring man. And please get professional help and stay away from this girl before you hurt her and end up in state prison. Take my word for it, state prison is no fun.

[Ask April Masini]

The relationship you had with your girlfriend is over. The reason it ended is because of your temper and because you hit her. Don’t contact her again. It’s done.

Understand that the violence is what lost you the relationship, and unless you find a way to stop acting out by yelling and hitting, you will continue to lose relationships. Any healthy woman will not want to be with you as long as you lose your temper and strike them.

The good news is that you’re aware of this problem and you’re not denying it. I’m glad you recognize this as a serious problem. That’s the first step to curing it.

Make sure you have outlets for your energy. Lots of men get out their aggressions by playing sports, running track, or doing something active with their bodies that makes them sweat, exhausted, and uses up that energy in a positive way. Everybody’s body has a different chemistry, and alleviating your feelings, like anger and rage, by using a punching bag, playing racquetball or one on one pick up basketball are all great ways to take care of yourself — and your relationships. If you find that this is helping, make sure you workout like this regularly. It will keep your relationship with a woman healthier, if when you feel angry you go for a run or hit the gym or go for a big swim rather than taking it out on her.

Understand that life will continue to throw you curve balls — of that you can be sure. There will be many situations where you will not get what you want — whether it’s having a girlfriend do or say what you wanted her to, or a boss at work do or say what you wanted him to, etc. Maturity and wisdom will be yours when you accept the way the world works, and learn to roll with it instead of warring on it.

Be sad that you lost this girl because of your temper, and vow to change yourself, so it never happens like this again.

I think you can do it.

[Ethan Morales]

Reading this carefully, the key issue here is violence and loss of self-control. Your girlfriend leaving you is not about minor mistakes or love lost it’s about safety. Any healthy person, no matter how much they love you, cannot stay with someone who hits them or lashes out. That’s not just a “relationship problem,” that’s a boundary and safety issue, and it cannot be ignored.

The good news is that you recognize the problem and feel genuine remorse. Awareness is the first step toward real change, but awareness alone won’t fix it. Change requires consistent action over time. Right now, trying to “get her back” without fixing yourself first is dangerous both for her and for you.

Immediate safety first: Stop all attempts to contact her. Trying to win her back before controlling your anger will only reinforce trauma for her. She deserves space and protection.

Anger management is non-negotiable: You must find professional help immediately. This could be a therapist, counselor, or anger management program. The goal isn’t just to “not hit her” it’s to understand why you explode, learn coping strategies, and permanently change the pattern.

Physical outlets: Channel your energy constructively sports, exercise, martial arts, or other rigorous physical activity. This alone won’t solve the core problem, but it’s a necessary tool.

Self-reflection and growth: Start journaling, meditating, and building emotional awareness. Learn to recognize triggers before they make you act out.

No relationships until change is proven: Do not enter another relationship until you can stay calm and respectful under stress, for weeks and months at a time. Otherwise, the cycle will repeat.

Right now, this isn’t about “getting her back” it’s about becoming someone safe and mature enough to have a healthy relationship in the future. If you commit to this path and show long-term change, you may have the chance to be in a healthy, loving relationship later but it cannot start with her until the violence stops.

If you want, I can create a step-by-step plan you can follow over the next few months to completely take control of your anger and start rebuilding yourself. That will be far more effective than trying to talk to her again right now. Do you want me to do that?

[PassionSeeker]

You’ve taken the most important first step acknowledging the problem and wanting to change. Like April wisely said, the relationship you had with your girlfriend is over, and you must not contact her again. The violence ended it, and until you truly address your anger, any relationship will suffer the same fate. But this isn’t the end of you. It’s the beginning of healing.

Seek professional help immediately anger management counseling, especially programs that deal with domestic violence. Learn to redirect that energy into positive outlets: running, boxing, swimming, or any physical activity that exhausts anger before it can harm. You must teach your body and mind to respond differently when frustration hits.

Accept that life will always bring challenges, and that strength comes from calm, not control. Feel the loss, but let it motivate transformation. This change isn’t just for her it’s for the man you want to become. Believe, as April does, that you can overcome this and grow into someone capable of love, respect, and self-control.

[Marcus king]

Suhas, it’s good that you recognize what’s happening and truly want to change, that’s the first step. But you need to understand this clearly what’s happening here isn’t just a temper problem, it’s abuse and it has already caused her deep emotional harm. Slapping or screaming at someone, especially someone you love, is never acceptable under any circumstance. If you genuinely want to become better, you must take full responsibility and seek professional help, anger management therapy, counseling, or both. Change won’t happen just through promises or willpower alone.

Right now, she needs space and safety more than anything. Let her heal. The best way you can show love is by not forcing her to stay while you’re still working on yourself. Instead, focus completely on fixing the root of your anger, even if that means doing it alone. This process takes time, effort, and humility but it’s the only path to true change.

If you ever want to be with her again, or anyone, you’ll need to prove through consistent action that you can handle your emotions without violence or control. Let her see that version of you, not through words, but through who you become. Right now, love means letting go and doing the hard work to ensure she and you never go through this again.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

hey babe… i’m gonna be real with you, it’s good you see what you’ve done and that you want to change. but love alone doesn’t fix this. 💔
violence isn’t a “temper issue,” it’s control, and it needs serious help like therapy, anger management, accountability. she deserves peace, not promises. if you truly love her, give her space and focus on becoming someone safe maybe not for her, but for you first. ❤️‍🔥

[Flirt Coach]

I’ll be straight with you because this kind of thing needs honesty, not sugarcoating. You said something real important that you’ve screamed at her and even slapped her. I can tell you already know how wrong that is, but I need to say it anyway: that can’t ever happen again. Not once. Not for any reason. It’s not just about losing your temper it’s about crossing a line that breaks trust, safety, and love all at once.

The fact that you’re owning it and want to change is a start, but wanting to isn’t enough. You’ve got to do the work. I’ve been angry before not in the same way, but I’ve let emotions get the best of me and hurt people I cared about. What I learned, the hard way, is that anger doesn’t fix pain it’s a cover for it. There’s something deeper under that rage fear, insecurity, maybe a feeling that you’re losing control. Until you deal with that, it’s going to keep showing up no matter how many times you promise to change.

Talk to a counselor or anger management therapist. You’re young, and if you start working on this now, you can change how you deal with emotions for the rest of your life.

Give her space and mean it. Don’t try to talk her into coming back until she wants to. She needs to see proof, not promises.

Work on you first. Learn to sit with anger before it explodes. Go for a walk, hit the gym, count to a hundred, whatever you’ve got to do. Learn to recognize the moment before it happens. That’s the key.

Accept that she may not come back. That’s hard, I know. But if she doesn’t, you still owe it to yourself and to the next person who loves you to become a man who never lets anger control him again.

You said you love her enough to let her go if it helps her heal. That’s the right mindset. Love isn’t about holding on tight sometimes it’s about stepping back and fixing what’s broken in you so you don’t keep passing on that hurt.

[Marcus king]

Suhas, first, I want to be very honest with you: your awareness is a good first step, but what you’ve described losing control, yelling, and slapping her is abusive behavior, even if it’s not constant. Loving someone doesn’t give anyone the right to hurt them, physically or emotionally. Right now, her stepping back is her protecting herself, which is completely understandable.

You cannot fix this alone just with effort or apologies. To truly change, you need professional help. A therapist or counselor can help you learn anger management, impulse control, and healthier ways to communicate and deal with frustration. Until you do this, any attempt to “get her back” could put her at risk of more harm.

[Tara]

You want her back because you can’t stand the silence that exposes who you are without her. But she’s not your redemption arc. She’s your consequence. You don’t fix this by making promises. You fix it by disappearing from her life and fixing yourself somewhere far away from anyone you could hurt again.

Verdict: You don’t get forgiveness. You get work. Therapy, accountability, and distance. Stop calling it love. Call it what it is — control. And kill it before it ruins another person.

[Author]

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