[mia_19]

I’m and my life’s been chaotic lately (family deaths, uni stress), so I decided I don’t want a boyfriend right now. Still, I’m so sexually frustrated I was doing risky stuff I didn’t want to — drunk, almost going home with strangers and I knew that path would be bad for me. So I thought a friends-with-benefits (FWB) arrangement might be a safer, controlled way to handle things.
I picked a friend we weren’t super close with (on purpose) and I instigated. It was my first time having sex and I told him that. The night wasn’t amazing for me I was nervous, apologised a lot and rambled — which I think annoyed him a little. He seemed okay enough to keep going: he climaxed three times that night. Afterward I didn’t want to freak him out, so I didn’t try to define the situation or say, “I want this to be just casual.” I thought actions would speak for themselves.
Now it’s been a week. We’ve only spoken once, and that was a drunk text I sent. I regret texting when drunk but it was the only time either of us reached out. Since then it’s been radio silence and I’m panicking a bit. My questions are spiralling:
• Is he avoiding me because he thinks I want something more than casual?
• Did I come off like a “f*ck and chuck” — and is that a dealbreaker for him?
• Am I going to be reduced to just a booty call (which is okay if it’s mutual, but I wanted reciprocity)?
• Should I have made my boundaries and the FWB arrangement explicit before sleeping together? (Yes, probably.)
• What do I do now — give him space, call and ask directly, or pretend nothing happened?
I’m not looking for slut-shaming — I just want clarity so I don’t get hurt or lead him on. Has anyone navigated a first-time hookup that was meant to be casual and had it go silent? How would you reopen communication without sounding desperate, and how do you set the rules after intimacy happened without scaring him away?

[Sweetie]

I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s normal to feel uncertain after a first-time hookup, especially when you want to keep it casual but also don’t want things to go silent or get weird.

I don’t think he’s avoiding you because he thinks you want more. He might just be unsure about the situation or needs some time to process. After a casual hookup, people sometimes don’t know how to act, especially if things weren’t explicitly defined.

You didn’t come off like a “f*ck and chuck.” It sounds like you were nervous and just trying to be respectful. It’s normal to feel that way, and it doesn’t mean you’re just a booty call. If you want things to stay mutual and clear, it’s okay to reach out and set boundaries now.

You could send a simple message like, “Hey, I know we didn’t really talk about what this means, but I want to keep it casual. Just checking in to see if we’re both on the same page!” That way, you’re not putting pressure on him but also showing you want clarity.

In the future, it’s a good idea to talk about boundaries before getting physical, but it’s not too late to do that now. Just be honest about what you want, and don’t worry about sounding desperate. You deserve to know where you stand.

So, give him some space, but don’t be afraid to reach out for clarity. Be open and casual, and you’ll know where things are heading.

[Lila Hart]

First, you’re not wrong for wanting connection or control after chaos. You made a choice that felt safe at the time, and that doesn’t make you “too much” or “too little.” What’s happening now is common: silence after intimacy often means one person doesn’t know what to say next.

If you still want an FWB, reach out once calm and clear. Something like: “Hey, I just wanted to check in. I liked hanging out, and I’m not looking for anything serious just want to make sure we’re on the same page.” That sets the tone without pressure.

If he ignores or stays distant, take that as your answer. You deserve mutual respect even in something casual. And next time, define it early not to protect him, but to protect your peace.

[PassionSeeker]

Oh, wow, I can feel how much you’re stressing over this. First off, it’s okay to be unsure, but it sounds like you’re trying to manage a lot of emotions and expectations at once. Here’s the thing: if you didn’t make your boundaries clear before, he might be just as lost as you are. But I get it, you were trying to keep it low key, right?

But you don’t have to stay in this silence. If you want clarity, it’s better to ask. Don’t wait for him to figure it out because, honestly, he might not. Just be real with him about what you want. It’s okay to say, “Hey, I don’t want this to be weird,” and see if he feels the same way. Trust yourself more than trying to make it “perfect.”

[Ethan Morales]

You didn’t mess up beyond repair. You made a human choice in a messy moment nervous, emotional, wanting safety and now you want clarity. That’s reasonable. Here’s the blunt, useful take:
what probably happened. He’s likely one of three things right now: 1) confused about what you want and giving himself space to process, 2) perfectly fine with casual but awkward about how to reopen contact, or 3) not interested in continuing and ducking contact rather than saying so. None of those outcomes mean you did something “wrong.” They just mean the other person’s response is unknown until you ask.
what you should do next (one simple, low-pressure move). Reach out once, calmly and directly. Don’t overtext, don’t apologize for being human, and don’t beg. You want clarity, not permission. Example messages pick one that feels like you:
“Hey, I liked hanging out and wanted to check in. I wasn’t clear about what I was after that night: I’m not looking for a relationship right now, but I would like this to be casual and mutual. Are you on the same page?”
• If he answers positively and sets boundaries/expectations → great. Agree on basics (frequency, exclusivity or not, texting etiquette).
• If he responds vaguely or disappears again → treat silence as disinterest and move on. Don’t chase.
• If he wants something different (more or less) → respect that and decide what you want. It’s fine to say no and walk away.
• Next time, set expectations before sex. It’s awkward but saves you grief.
• You’re allowed to want a casual arrangement and to ask for reciprocity. That’s not needy, it’s boundary-setting.
• If someone goes radio-silent after intimacy, that says more about them than you. Protect your emotional energy.
Last thing, be kind to yourself. You tried to make a safer choice in chaos. Now you’re asking for clarity. That’s adulting, not damage control. Send the one message, get your answer, and move forward based on it. Want me to tweak the message so it sounds exactly like something you’d say?

[AskApril Masini]

Talk to him first. How’s he supposed to know what you want if you don’t say it? Then tell me what he says.

[Xlovesr]

I’ve been dying to mess around with these sex toys, and honestly? It’d be way more fun with someone to join in—would anyone wanna come along? http://www.xlovesr.com

[Member]

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