[jeez]

I recently moved back to the Midwest from New York and i am living with a good friend (Lets call him Paul). We have been friends 10 plus years. Since moving back I have started a new relationship with a guy I really like (let’s call him Brandon). We have been dating almost 3 months. I noticed whenever I brought Brandon around, Paul’s demeanor would change. I thought it strange but pretty much ignored it. Now, Paul is telling me he is in love with me and always has been. And that he can’t stand to think of me with anyone else. We have never been intimate, never dated…always just friends. I love him as a friend but I am not interested in him romantically. I wish he never would have told me because now I am afraid it will ruin our friendship and crush him. Is there anyway to keep him as a friend and continue dating Brandon? Should I move out? Help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes, you should move out. The relationship has changed, and your male roommate is in love with you, and has told you so. Dating other men is going to crush him because he will have a front row seat to all of it. It’s also going to interfere in your relationships with whoever you’re dating.

I never advise men and women to be friends because one person always likes the other more and this creates confusion, tension and even heartache. If you accept this, and move out, at least you can set a boundary that allows you to date men without feeling guilty, hurting someone else up front and personally, and letting your roommate know with your actions, that relationships happen because people follow certain conventions like dating, that make life easier. You may be doing him a big favor in the long run, with this tough love move.

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