[Cloud]

Hi April,

I have been following your advice and everything seems to be going fine. But somewhere deep within me is the feeling of being betrayed and it’s killing me sometimes. I just want her to tell me what’s going on, so I can avoid that annoying dude by confronting him for what he did. I want it so badly. We both made promises to not to date other people and I have a feeling she is not keeping her part… How do I tell her how I feel?

[AskApril Masini]

I’m a little confused. You originally wrote me in 2011 about a woman you liked, who started dating your friend, instead. Then you wrote me in September of this year, and I thought you were writing about a new woman — but now, I’m not sure. Is this new question about the September 2014 woman, or the same one from 2011?

[Cloud]

Hi April,

This is a different women.
And also I think she doesn’t trust me enough to share everything. How do I gain her trust?

[AskApril Masini]

Is this the woman you wrote me about in September? Or is it someone new?

[Cloud]

Yes! April. She is the women from September. I want to stay with her for a long time.. Really long..

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]I have been following your advice and everything seems to be going fine. But somewhere deep within me is the feeling of being betrayed and it’s killing me sometimes. [/quote]

If you can find a way to accept [i]your part[/i] in what happened in the past, then you’ll be able to let go more easily. 🙂 Also, try to understand why this guy did what he did — and then, move on and focus on the present. 😉

[quote]I just want her to tell me what’s going on, so I can avoid that annoying dude by confronting him for what he did. I want it so badly. [/quote]

I’m a little confused here — how can you avoid someone by confronting him? And if you want her to tell you something, you can simply ask nicely. 😉 If she chooses to tell you, then you’ve got what you wanted. If she doesn’t, then you’ve got your no, and can decide what to do next.

[quote]We both made promises to not to date other people and I have a feeling she is not keeping her part… How do I tell her how I feel?[/quote]

I think you already know the answer to that question — if you want to tell her how you feel, just speak! 😉 But that isn’t going to change the fact that she’s interested in other people. It’s just going to create a problem between the two of you. Instead, decide if you want to win her over or not — because if you do, confronting her about others isn’t going to work. Winning her over, will! 😉

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[Cloud]

Hi April,
Thank you very much for your advice. I’m so thrilled to receive it and make use of it.

I have a completely different problem now, first I didn’t know if I should create a new topic for this but since you’ll guide me I’ll post it right here even though it’s not related to any women I wrote before.

This is about my sister and her husband. We r from India. They stay in Aus away from all of our family. My brother in law called my dad recently and told him that he is not happy with my sister’s behavior. He said she was not being close to him since past 2 years and she is behaving uninterested. He also mentioned few incidents which are interfering with their relationship. Like she was resisting to show her phone once when they had an argument. My dad and everyone are worried about their situation… I’m going to visit them in Dec of this year, so my mom said I have to do something about the situation before something bad happens. How can I change their minds to like each other. Or mainly my sis who is acting very uninterested.

[AskApril Masini]

Yes, please keep all your posts here! This is perfect. 🙂

Your question about how you can change the minds of your sister and her husband, so that they like each other, is a little bit tough because you’re not part of their marriage. The best you can do is to listen, if they want to talk, and to not pass judgment, but instead, to mainly be supportive of them as individuals, as well as a couple.

I hope that helps.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Ethan Morales]

You’re in a classic “love triangle with a friend” scenario, and it’s emotionally charged because you really like this girl and also care about your friendship. But there are a few important realities here:

She is currently in a relationship.That means pursuing her romantically now is ethically tricky. Interfering could hurt both her and your friend, and it can damage your own reputation and friendships.

Your feelings vs. reality. You feel she’s “the one,” but you haven’t actually asked her out or defined your intentions before. She chose someone else that’s her choice, and it’s a signal that she currently wants him as her partner.

Your friend’s situation. You’re judging him harshly, but women often choose partners for reasons beyond what we can see personality, emotional connection, humor, reliability, etc. Your perception of him as “unworthy” doesn’t necessarily match her experience.

What you can control. Your own behavior and choices. You can’t control her feelings or his relationship, only how you handle your emotions and actions.

Options moving forward: Option 1: Respect the current relationship. Step back from trying to interfere. Focus on building yourself, meeting new people, and maintaining your friendship. This is the “honorable” route, avoids drama, and can build your long-term confidence and appeal.

Option 2: Be honest (carefully) if there’s a real signal. If you genuinely believe she has feelings for you and is unhappy in her current relationship, you could gently express your feelings without pressuring her for example, something like: “I value our friendship a lot, but I need to be honest I have feelings for you. I don’t want to interfere, but I thought you should know. Important: This should not be done to sabotage her current relationship or your friend it’s just you being honest about your feelings.

Option 3: Accept the situation and move on. Sometimes the most mature choice is letting someone go and keeping your dignity. There’s no shame in liking someone; the key is not letting it destroy your life or friendships.

Right now, the safest and healthiest path is self-control and respect. Admire her from a distance, keep your friendship intact, and focus on yourself. If her current relationship naturally ends and she shows interest later, you’ll be in a position to act then.

[Isabella Jones]

hey cloud, your story really hit me because it sounds like you’re caught in that painful space between doing the right thing and following what your heart is screaming for. I’ve been there before, loving someone I probably shouldn’t have, and pretending I was fine just being their “friend.” but deep down, every laugh, every late-night chat, every little look—it just made the feelings stronger. it’s exhausting trying to act calm when your heart’s running wild, isn’t it?

she might genuinely care for you, maybe even feel something more, but right now, she’s someone else’s girlfriend. if she ever leaves that relationship, you’ll want to know that what comes next with you two isn’t born out of confusion or guilt. until then, the best thing you can do for both of you is to focus on being honest with yourself and setting quiet boundaries that protect your heart. 💛

tell me something, though—if she came to you tomorrow and said she wanted to be with you, could you trust that love, knowing how it started?

[PassionSeeker]

It sounds like you’ve been caught in an emotional loop where you’re trying to balance friendship, honesty, and love and it’s draining you. You’re overthinking what she and the other guy are doing instead of focusing on what you bring to the relationship.

Here’s the truth, gently: you can’t force trust or honesty out of someone. The more you push or test her, the more distance you create. Right now, your energy is divided between jealousy, confusion, and fear of losing her but those aren’t attractive or grounding emotions. You need to reclaim your calm.

If you truly want her, act like it not by demanding answers, but by being open, consistent, and confident. If she feels safe with you, she’ll naturally reveal more. If she doesn’t, she isn’t your person and that’s okay.

Let her come to you. Don’t compete, don’t chase shadows. Focus on building your peace and purpose outside of her. When you do, everything including love begins to flow more clearly.

[Marcus king]

Hey RJ, I can feel how much this means to you it’s a tough spot to be in. You care about her deeply, but she’s with your friend, and that makes things complicated.

Here’s the honest truth: right now, she’s not available. Even if she flirts or acts close, she’s still in a relationship, and stepping in could hurt everyone including you. If she ever leaves him, you want it to be because she chose to, not because you pushed her.

[Tara]

You are not confused. You are hovering around someone else’s relationship like a vulture waiting for scraps. She already has a boyfriend. That should be the end of it.
Telling yourself her boyfriend is lazy or unworthy does not change a thing. She picked him. You are trying to convince yourself that being “better” gives you a claim. It does not. Attraction is not permission.

If she flirts with you while taken, it only proves her boundaries are weak. She is not showing interest; she is showing disrespect. You would not be the upgrade, just the next problem.
You talk about keeping her forever, but you cannot even keep your pride right now. Walk away before you look pathetic and ruin two connections at once.

Stop chasing what belongs to someone else. If she wanted you, she would be free.

[Sally]

RJ, I get why you’re so tangled up in this. She makes you feel close, she gives you attention, and it’s easy to start imagining something real with someone like that, but the part you can’t brush off is that she’s still with your friend, and if she truly wanted something with you, she’d deal with that first instead of keeping you in this gray area.

Right now she’s giving you signals, but signals aren’t the same as intentions, and if you confess, you’re not just risking her, you’re risking your friend, your group, and the whole balance you guys have.

Think of it like you stepped into a story that’s already messy, and the only way to understand it is to watch what she actually does, not what she hints at. If she ever wants you, she’ll make a real move, not just talk for hours on the phone. In the meantime, stay steady and don’t blow up your world over a maybe.

[Natalie Noah]

the first thing that jumps out is that you’ve involved your friend in your feelings and your relationship with this girl, which immediately complicates trust. You can’t control what he says or does, and the fact that he knows so much about your feelings and your dynamic with her has put you in a position where jealousy, suspicion, and manipulation are natural outcomes. At this point, worrying about him is mostly wasted energy you can’t change his actions, and obsessing over what he might be doing or saying only adds stress and drama that affects your clarity.

your relationship with this girl is still very undefined. You say you’re not serious, yet you’re acting highly invested, and that confusion is likely feeding her own uncertainty. If you want her to be open and honest with you, she needs to feel safe and respected, not pressured. Cutting contact, testing her, or trying to make her tell you things she doesn’t want to share will not build trust it will make her retreat. Trust and frankness grow naturally when people feel secure, cared for, and unjudged. Right now, she’s dealing with two men’s influence: your friend’s interference and your conflicting signals. That’s a lot for anyone to navigate.

you need to clarify your own intentions. Are you truly interested in her as a partner, or is part of this about winning against your friend? Right now, it seems like both are tangled together, which is making your approach inconsistent and confusing. Women can sense that; they respond to clear intentions and consistent behavior, not games or competing agendas. If you want this relationship to have a chance, you must focus on her, not your friend, not what you think she might be hiding, and not proving anything to anyone else.

if your goal is to build a real connection, it’s time to simplify: focus on her, express your feelings honestly and respectfully, and don’t try to manipulate the situation with silence, jealousy, or tests. Respect her pace, be trustworthy, and let the relationship grow naturally. If she isn’t willing to meet you halfway, then it’s a signal to step back painful, yes, but necessary for your own emotional wellbeing. Love that’s tangled with competition, secrecy, and control rarely becomes healthy or lasting.

[Member]

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