[mayank13]

I and my girlfriend are in long distant relationship.she is going to be in a college next year and I got into a college this year. But she wants me to come to college near her to be college next year as there aren’t good college near my present college. I love her toooo much and she loves me too but the problem is that it would be difficult to continue in different states colleges as the physical presence is something needed for strong trust. And I don’t want to lose her but dropping a year is also risky
What should I do? Please reply soon.thank you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little more. How old are you both? And have you ever had a date in person? Or is this a long-distance only relationship?

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[mayank13]

We had a date once. Almost one and half year relationship. We are now to be 20 years old.

[mayank13]

And one more thing. She gets irritated and frustrated with me frequently. But when she shows love ,that too with no bounds but these mood swings make me more confused. Sometimes I think its not gonna work out ultimately.

[mayank13]

My family wants me to have a career first. But for that I will have to leave her because 4 years long distant relationship isn’t a cup of tea. And I don’t feel like I have the courage and conscience for doing a breakup. I am in a limbo

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’ve been with your girlfriend of four years — since you were 16. Now you’re both 20, and you’ve only had [i]one[/i] in person date during the four years of a long distance relationship.

You’re in college, and she is about to go to college, and she wants you to transfer from your college to hers to be near her. Your parents want you to have a career before you move to be with her, and you don’t want to break up with her, which I suspect you think will happen if you don’t transfer schools to be with her. Hope I got that right! Let me know. 🙂

My advice is that you do not transfer colleges. Since you’ve only had one date in four years, this isn’t a relationship where the two of you get together. It’s an online relationship, primarily. That’s different than an in person relationship. I’m not sure how you met her or what it was you were looking for when you did, and while I’m sure you have feelings for each other, you don’t have the experience with her that an in person weekly dating situation would allow. In other words, you don’t know her as well as you would if you’d been dating in person for four years. That’s not a lot to base a big move and college transfer on — in fact it’s not enough.

I think it’s a better idea for you to focus on your college experience, and if you want to meet up to continue dating long distance, that’s fine, and if when one of you graduates, you decide to move closer to each other to see if the relationship will go the distance in person, that’s fine, too. But moving now and transferring colleges based on a relationship that’s only had one in person date over four years, isn’t a good idea.

Give this time and patience, but be realistic.

And let me know how things go — check in with me! 😀

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[mayank13]

Well not 4 yrs relationship..it is of 1.5 years. I was saying that the future 4 years relationship in long distance isn’t easy. Ok I will think upon and let you know too . Thank you.

[mayank13]

And plus how would I know her if I am not with her

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re right — sorry for the mix up!

But still…. one date in a year and a half of being together isn’t enough time together to base a decision to move to her city and transfer from your college to hers. I think that if you wait until you graduate, and try to spend more time together in person to get to know each other better, during winter break, spring break, weekends, you’ll have a better basis on which to make a big decision like the one you’re considering. You can always make the move in a year or two years — or four years, if it’s something you still want to do after waiting. 😉

If you have any other questions while you’re processing all this, just let me know — and tell me how things go.

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[mayank13]

Thank you so much. I will consider your views and contact again if needed.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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