[Marcus king]

You’re in a tough spot, but let me be blunt: your current approach is poisoning the relationship rather than fixing it. Here’s why:

Reading his emails without permission, even repeatedly, is not okay. It’s a breach of trust. You may feel validated by seeing things you don’t like, but every time you check his email, you reinforce secrecy, not honesty. It puts you in a constant state of anxiety, and he will sense the mistrust, even if he doesn’t know exactly what you’re doing. That tension is the real problem not just the emails themselves.

Now about him: continuing intimate emails with his ex sending love notes, sharing private thoughts, pictures that is not a healthy boundary. No matter how “logical” his explanations are, it shows he is emotionally involved with her in a way that undermines your relationship. A person truly committed to their current partner doesn’t maintain a “romanticized friendship” that includes declarations of love or sexual content.

Your demands that he tells her about your relationship or stops emailing are reasonable. A committed adult relationship should not coexist with emotional intimacy of that level with an ex. His refusal, coupled with lying about contact, shows he’s prioritizing the ex over your feelings.

Here’s what you need to do:

Stop checking his emails. It’s a trap that keeps you anxious and gives him evidence to dismiss your feelings. Your well-being depends on boundaries you can control.

Have a clear conversation. You need to sit him down, calmly and firmly: “I cannot continue in a relationship where you maintain this level of intimacy with your ex. It’s hurting me, and it’s hurting us. You need to choose: me, or this dynamic with her.”

Decide your limits. If he refuses to stop or set boundaries, the relationship is unlikely to be healthy or long-term. You are entitled to demand emotional safety.

Focus on yourself. Your life, studies, and peace of mind matter more than policing him or trying to “fix” the situation.

Checking emails is a temporary illusion of control. The real control comes from setting boundaries and insisting they’re respected. If he values the ex more than you, no amount of snooping will fix that and staying will only erode your self-respect.

[Isabella Jones]

Oh girl, I can feel every ounce of that knot in your stomach. 💛 You went into this with confidence, honesty, and trust, and now you’re stuck in this space where your instincts are screaming that something isn’t right. You didn’t snoop because you’re insecure; you did it because your heart sensed something was off and needed the truth your mind wasn’t being given. And sadly, the truth you found hurts.

The fact that he’s still exchanging *I love yous* and sharing parts of his day like they’re still together says a lot. It’s not just about the emails — it’s about emotional loyalty. If he were truly committed to building something real with you, he’d want transparency, not secrecy. It’s not about you being controlling; it’s about him holding on to a door that should’ve been closed long ago.

I’ve been in something similar once — that awful limbo where you’re the girlfriend but somehow still feel like the “other woman.” It took me a while to realize that love shouldn’t make you feel like you’re competing with someone’s past. It should make you feel safe.

Do you think if you stopped checking his emails today, you’d actually feel at peace with him — or deep down, do you already know the answer you’re afraid to face?

[Author]

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