[conorh1]

i lost the girl i loved to another, well i guess we never went out but i found out we both did realy like each other but i was taken too long and got friendzoned, but were best of friends ever since, she has a bf the last six months weve known each other for 12months, he hates me beacuse how well we get on and how close we are, even sometimes calling me her other boyfriend, sometimes when im very very drunk i say some things i shouldn, i did it last night, shes mad but did say we will still be firneds after it, i dont want to lose her as a friend as i see a possible realtionship in the future and also becuase she is the best person i have ever known, what should i do, leave her alone and let her be happy becuase her bf gives her grief over hangign out with me. i just need some help please 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Here are a few reasons you’re confused:

1. [b]Men and women can’t be friends.[/b] One person always likes the other more — which is VERY clear in your case — and this causes dishonesty and miscommunication. If you were really her friend, you’d be polite to her boyfriend and be happy for her that she’s with someone she likes. But you’re not, because you’re not her friend. Stop being her friend — or what you think is her friend — and you’ll be a lot less confused. 😉

2. [b]You didn’t lose her because you never had her.[/b] The two of you never dated, so there was nothing to lose. 😳

3. [b]If you don’t ask a woman out on a date, you’ll never know if she’d say yes or no.[/b] 😳 You lost a big opportunity by letting the fear of rejection get the better of you. Instead of licking your wounds and feeling sorry for yourself, use this lesson to change your own behavior. 😉 If you want to date someone, then ask them out. If they say yes, great! If they say no, move on and find someone who wants to date you.

So, now that your confusion is cleared up…. change your behavior and make it clear you’re not her friend by not being her friend, and either a) compete for her or b) move on and find someone else to date. 😀

I hope that helps.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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[conorh1]

thanks for the reply, i am her friend, im not rude to her bf, ive never meet the kid, he just hates me, so your saying dont be her friend even though we are already best friends? and she told me she doesn want to lose me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me elaborate — I know you think you’re her friend, but real friends don’t date and they don’t have sex, or stay friends because there’s a possibility of a romantic relationship in the future. That’s not a friendship. 😕 You even posed the possibility that you could leave her alone to be happy because as long as you’re in her life, her boyfriend gives her grief. 🙁 If you were a real friend, you’d do what was important to make her happy. 🙁 Her boyfriend is giving her grief because he recognizes that you’re a man who is competing for his girlfriend. He’s right. You’re trying to confuse yourself by pretending to be a friend — who wants a romantic relationship and is willing to wait in the wings in case that day ever comes. He’s calling you out on what’s really going on — and he’s making it clear to her that he’s unhappy about it. I’m not telling you not to compete — but just don’t hide under the friend zone covers to try and win her over. Instead, be clear about what you want. You already admitted that you lost her because you never asked her out on a date once in the six months before she started dating her current boyfriend. It’s time for you to stand up for who you really are, and for what you want! 😀

I’m sorry if I misconstrued your writing that when you’re drunk you say things you shouldn’t — I assumed these things you said and shouldn’t have, were to him. But it sounds now, like you said them to her, not him — and the fact that you’re speaking out of line when you’re drunk implies that you’re not being honest with her when you’re sober. 😮 Again, that’s the problem with thinking you’re friends with a woman. Real friends are honest — and when a guy has a crush on a woman and wants to date her — that’s not a friendship. That’s a guy who’s in the friend zone and doesn’t want to be.

If you were just a friend, you wouldn’t be confused. There would be nothing confusing about the friendship. But you’re not friends and you want more, and that’s why you’re confused. The reality is that you’re staying in the friend zone so you can leverage that relationship into something more. 😳 And… you don’t want to face possible rejection or competition.

So, in answer to your latest question — you’re not friends, but if you want to stay confused, then keep calling yourself friends. 😉 You have to decide if you want to date her or not, and then act on that. If you don’t, nothing will change.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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