[jmonty78]

I’m 31, a single father (never married) and a business professional in my community. I have a 4 yr old little girl that is so well behaved. I am very blessed, and grateful. For almost 5 months I have been dating a 27 year old woman that I think the world of. I seem to always end up with the girls that are divorced a time or two, or have a car full of kids, no job, etc. Unlike them, this girl has never been married, has been a manager for her company for 8 yrs, has a 4 yr degree, morals, etc.

I like nearly everything about this girl (when she acts normal), and she has a lot of qualities everyone else seems to be lacking, but here is the problem, which she openly admits to…

She has a hard time discussing and showing her emotions. I feel like I have to ”dig” to get her to open up to me and tell me how she feels. The fact that I have to pry to get her to open up to me seems to be a part time job aside from my career. It almost seems to me that she opened up more to me when we first started dating than she does now…and that wasn’t much. I quit trying to have serious conversations with her because I’m to the point where I automatically assume she’s not going to open up to me if I try. She never discusses her feelings with me. When its obvious she is thinking about something and I ask her what it is, she tells me ”nothing”. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I am in a one sided relationship. I always compliment her, and try to do nice things for her, to let her see that I’m not like other guys as I’m assuming she has maybe been hurt in the past, and nothing seems to work. I would give this girl the world if I could.

Its one of those things where, when shes hot, shes hot, and when shes cold, shes cold. There is never an in between. I was to the point where I was beginning to wonder if she even cared at all until one night we went out for drinks and a girl I’ve never met came up to me and was laying it on real thick, and then my girlfriend stood there holding her pool cue, glaring at the girl like she was going to come unglued on her. I will spend a couple days with her and hear from her a lot throughout the day or days and then several days go by where I hardly hear from her and shes real short with me. I just don’t get it. I will also mention that since we first started seeing each other I have been staying the night at her place once or twice a week, yet she has been to my house only a handful of times and never stayed the night. She invites me (and expects me) to come to her family functions, yet never comes to mine.

She has only initiated a kiss with me 2 or 3 times, the other times I have. And we have never ”made out” or had sex, which I find odd at this day and age. I’m not necessarily saying I have to have sex with her, but it would be nice to have some kind of physical contact….I feel like I am in junior high again! I’m sure of it that she likes me and cares for me, otherwise I wouldn’t still be with her. I just don’t understand all the ”wishy washy” I am going through…particularly her not opening up to me at all, being hot and cold, and not being physical with me.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be great. And talking to her about serious relationship stuff….well…I have better luck trying to get my dog to try and talk to me!

Sorry for this being so long winded……..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There’s probably a good reason she’s never been married. 😯 Your girlfriend lacks the skills for intimacy, and you’re clearly not happy about how that’s making you feel. Since it’s not your job to fix anyone, and your girlfriend readily admits she’s got issues with communication, after five months of dating, it seems like there are more minuses than plusses about being with this woman.

Clearly, inability to be intimate, and your lack of a sex life with her — let alone a making out life 😆 — indicates that it’s time for you to consider dating other women. You sound like a great guy who deserves more. I hear that you’ve had tough luck in finding a woman to date who’s been well educated, is financially secure, and has compatible morals, but I would caution against your settling for this woman just because she’s got the education and financial background you’re looking for in a mate. She’s missing the ability to communicate with you in a way that you need to feel valued and cherished by a woman. Don’t sell yourself short.

My advice is to get back out there and start dating. I appreciate your wanting to be realistic, and understanding that everybody’s got something in their baggage department, but the trick is to find someone with matching luggage. You are willing to open your heart and feelings to a woman, and you need a woman who’s willing to do so back.

If you feel inclined, pick up my book called Date Out of Your League, written for men who need a boost in their dating lives. While I’m not suggesting you’re inept at dating — far from it — I do think that some of the tips and advice in this book will help you get a better yield from your dates. Check it out here [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It’s only $14.95, and well worth the price.

[Member]

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