[Anonymous]

I have recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years because im almost 100 percent positive I have fallen for my best friend. I meet my friend last year when we became roommates my first year in college. We dont live together this year but I am practically at their house every day. I think about them 24 hours of the day. This has lasted for the past 8 months when I have felt strongly about them. The hardest part is I can tell my best friend everything on the face of the earth. I trust them with my life. They live about 3 1/2 hours away when we are not at college. I am terrified next year they will head back home and I will still be at this college for another 2+ years. They mean EVERYTHING to me. I have only told one person half the thoughts that are running threw my head.

The main problem is I am a girl and my best friend is also a girl. This doesnt bother me about the whole lesbian thing but thats one thing I have hinted at to her many times and I feel like im going to go insane if I do not say anything to her about it. The problem is she is the best person that has ever entered my life. She practically took care of me when we lived together, she stood up for me, she was my moral support when I needed it. When she wants to hang out we joke around about going on dates, like going out to eat, these things happen on a regular basis. She also calls me a fag and “your gay” all the time as an insalt but I have heard it so many times I have no idea if its really true or not. Its like the “if you say your stupid, you will feel stupid” concept. All I know is that if I dont do something soon I will go insane. But at the same time if I say anything along those lines of ‘Hey I am in love with you’ that would ruin the only friendship I have. I feel like im at the verge of becoming depressed. I need something to help me deal with this problem.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think that you’re trying to preserve a situation that can’t be preserved. If you want a lesbian romance with your best friend, you really need to find out if she’s open to that with you. If you don’t find out, you’re going to make yourself crazy. I can’t tell you whether or not she’s a lesbian or open to that kind of relationship with you, so you have to do the hard work, risk rejection, and let her know what you want. She can’t read your mind.

In addition to which, you really need to break up with your boyfriend if you have such strong feelings about someone else — man or woman. It’s not fair to him, and it’s not fair to you.

Don’t let your fear of being alone keep you trapped in a relationship you don’t want to be in. Being alone is an opportunity to recreate your life and see what else is out there.

So bite the bullet and talk to your best friend about your romantic feelings towards her.

[Member]

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