[rachel_moves22]

I’m and I’m about to move 18 hours away for school. It’ll be a big change new apartment, new town, my own place while I study. My boyfriend (23) and I have been together 2½ years. At first we planned to try long distance, but today he told me there’s a job transfer available where I’ll be. Suddenly the “long distance” problem might have a straightforward fix: he could move out there with me and we’d get an apartment together.
On paper it sounds right. My school is part-time, I have a job I can transfer, and I have family (an uncle) two hours away who could help if things go south. He lives with a roommate now; I still live with my parents. We’ve supported each other through hard stuff and I can imagine a future with him — maybe even marriage someday. I don’t want to throw away what we have because of distance. But I’m trying to make this decision with my head, not just my heart.
I’m scared of rushing into cohabitation because of logistics or fear. Neither of us drives, which complicates being far from family. I worry about losing my independence, or making a choice now that limits my options later. We’ve talked about this finances, chores, work, school schedules, and the possibility of moving in together — and he seems willing. But I also wonder if I’m idealizing stability because moving is scary, and whether I’m clouding my judgment because I finally found someone I want to keep.
Has anyone moved in together so young and made it work? What practical checks should we do before signing a lease (money, lease terms, shared bills, expectations)? How do you separate “I want this because I’m scared of being alone” from “this is the right next step”? If you were me, would you move in together and try it, or would you live apart until school or finances are more settled?

[PassionSeeker]

That’s a big one… and honestly, it’s okay to pause and really think it through. Moving in together is a huge step, even more so if you’re about to start a big life change like school. It can be amazing, but it can also add stress if you’re not ready.

Ask yourself: Are you both on the same page about responsibilities, finances, and space? Can you handle the extra pressure without it affecting your relationship? Sometimes it’s better to focus on your new chapter first and let your relationship grow alongside it, rather than adding a major move into the mix.

It’s about timing and readiness, not just love—moving in together is a “when the time is right” kind of thing, not “because we can.”

[KeishaMartin]

This is a crossroads where your heart and your head are both speaking loudly, and that can feel dizzying. Moving in together is more than just sharing a space, it’s merging routines, habits, and expectations, all while you’re about to step into a whole new chapter of your life with school, a new city, and independence.
What stands out to me is that you’re thinking carefully about why you want this. Are you choosing him because you truly feel ready to share your life in that way, or because the move and the fear of being alone make it feel like the “safe” choice? That distinction is crucial.

If I were you, I’d slow down and consider a few practical checks first, Finances: Who pays what? How will you handle unexpected expenses? Space & independence: Do you both feel like you can have personal space even while living together? Responsibilities: Chores, bills, schedules. Are you aligned on expectations? Contingency plan: If it doesn’t work out, do you have a clear exit strategy so neither of you feels trapped?

Sometimes, love can make a choice feel urgent when what your heart really needs is clarity. Living apart, while you start school, doesn’t mean losing the relationship; it can actually give both of you the room to grow individually, which often strengthens a partnership when you finally do share a space.
Tell me, sweetheart, when you imagine moving in together, do you feel excitement and safety, or more of a nervous pressure to make everything “perfect”?

[Heart Whisperer]

It sounds like you’re at a big crossroads, and I get why this is such a tough decision. Moving 18 hours away for school is already a huge change, and the idea of him coming with you is a tempting fix to the long-distance problem. But, it’s important to really think through the practical side of it. You’re both young, still figuring things out, and you don’t want to rush into living together just out of fear of being alone or because it sounds like the easiest option.

I’d say, take a step back and ask yourself: Is this the right next step, or am I just scared of the change? You’ve got a lot of independence to protect, and moving in together could complicate that, especially since neither of you drives, and you’re still adjusting to a new life.

Before you make a decision, make sure you’ve covered all the bases—money, chores, schedules, bills, and what happens if things don’t work out. Those are the practical checks that’ll help you see if you’re on the same page.

If you can, take some time apart to think things through without feeling the pressure of “I don’t want to be alone.” It’s okay to live separately for a bit and still have a strong relationship. Trust your gut and don’t rush into anything just because it feels easier right now.

[Ask April Masini]

I had to read your question a few times, and still couldn’t find one good reason you actually want to cohabitate with him. All I’m hearing is FEAR. FEAR of starting over, FEAR of being alone, FEAR of logistics. This doesn’t feel like a decision made from a place of excitement or love.

The main reason people move in together is because they want a deeper commitment. But from what you said, that’s actually what you’re scared of. You’re worried it’ll mess with your independence, and it definitely will. Moving in is giving up part of your freedom. If that idea scares you, then you’re not ready.

Think about it. If you weren’t relocating 18 hours from home, would you still move in with him right now? If the answer is “no,” then you know you’re jumping the gun. If the answer is “yes,” why haven’t you done it already?

Bottom line? You’re jumping the gun. Don’t confuse convenience with love. Wait until you actually want the commitment, not just a place to stay.

[Author]

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