Hey GF, I think I can offer some advice to you. The problem you are experiencing is not uncommon to one degree or another. The real problem is whether or not you are going to relate to the cause of your problem and do something to change it or if you are going to be in denial about the issue.
Let me ask you, what happens and how do you act when these feelings come up? You say you act like a “crab”. What does that look like? You are insecure. But that is not the real issue here. Insecurity is the manifestation of a deeper problem.
There are two basic emotions that all other emotions evolve from, love and fear. Love is part of creation, God given and heaven sent. Fear is a man made creation and is part of the illusion created by man. As such, all fear is part of a great big lie that humanity has chosen to believe. Your insecurity, is that based in love or is that based in fear? I think the answer is fear. So fear of what? Fear of rejection, abandonment? There is a specific name for the fear associated with the cause of your insecurity and it relates back to something that happened to you in your past. It could be related to an issue which has created in you a sense of low self esteem which is often attached a lack of self love at it’s core. If your self esteem is low and deep inside you feel unworthy or unloveable, then your ego will ask you how can anyone else love you if you don’t love your self. If you feel unloveable then you will tens to become “clingy” or possessive and jealous in relationship.
The bottom line is that your insecurity within your relationship is not about your BF but about you and will resurface in every relationship you have from here on out until you identify the cause of your fear creating this insecurity and within you. Once you identify the root cause, you can then take action to heal the wound causing the fear and evolve.
Suggested reading on the subject (very helpful):
“The Mastery Of Love” Don Miguel Ruiz
“A Return To Love” Marianne Williamson
“A New Earth” Ekhardt Tolle
Good luck
