[spurrier61]

April,
I was just recently divorced from wife back in February. The problem is that I am still in love with her. We were married for 10 years and a great deal of ups and downs. During our marriage I cheated on her. I tried to work it out, but she would have none of it. I moved out of the house about a month after I received divorce papers. Even after I moved out we talked on the phone quite frequently. However, as soon as the divorce became final she called me and told me to never email or call her again. So, I did as she asked. THen not too long after that in March I found her personal ad on a dating website. So, I answered it with a different name and another man’s photo just to see what would happen.

What happened is she fell in love with me through our emails. I am still writing her as of this post. So, this has been going on for five months with emails back and forth on a daily basis. The really strange thing is that she has never pursued talking on the phone or meeting in person. To this day we have done neither. I was already still in love with her, but through this correspondence I have grown so much closer to her. She has even told me several times that she has never been in love with a man until now. She has never been happier in her life and knows what true love is now.

The problem is that I know she cannot stand me and probably does not love me anymore. I am so much in love with her that I find it so hard to stop communicating with her. What should I do? Should I tell her the truth about that its me and not someone else that she thought she was talking to? Do you think things would work out between us if I did? I realize what I did wrong in our marriage and I am a changed man. I would like to be able to show her some how, some way that I am a good man and I have changed for the better. I do love her so very much. Please help me in any way you can. Have you ever come across a situation like mine?

Spurrier61

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I have a feeling she knows it’s you.

However….. if you want this to go any further, you’re going to have to come clean with her that it’s you she’s corresponding with. Otherwise, you’ll always be romantic pen pals and she’s going to fall for someone who can show up in person. 😕

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[spurrier61]

April,
Why do you say you have a feeling that she knows its me? In emails during our writing each other she has talked about me in a very negative way. The last three years of our marriage were filled with turmoil and were sexless. She slept in our bed and I slept downstairs on the sofa. I want to tell her its me do you think that it would infuriate her to find out that it was me all along? If I were to tell her do you think there would be any way of us getting back together? I really appreciate your help and time. Thank you.

Spurrier61[quote=”April Masini”]I have a feeling she knows it’s you.

However….. if you want this to go any further, you’re going to have to come clean with her that it’s you she’s corresponding with. Otherwise, you’ll always be romantic pen pals and she’s going to fall for someone who can show up in person. 😕

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b][/quote]

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Why do you say you have a feeling that she knows its me?[/quote]

She was married to you. On some level, I believe she knows it’s you. She may not want to believe it — because she needs you to be the bad guy in order to stay apart, which is easier for her. It’s hard to reconcile the fact that someone you love betrayed you. Her feelings are probably complicated.

[quote] I want to tell her its me do you think that it would infuriate her to find out that it was me all along? If I were to tell her do you think there would be any way of us getting back together?[/quote]

It will probably infuriate her that you’ve lied to her about who you are. This wasn’t the best tactic to take since she’s already angry that you lied to her about another woman. But you were desperate and didn’t know what else to do. I don’t know if she’ll want to get back together with you after you tell her that it’s you — but your choices (as I see them) are:

a. Continue like this and have a pen pal relationship that never becomes real life.
b. Tell her who you are and maybe she’ll want to continue communicating with you — or she’ll feel like you’ve lied to her again.
c. Fade away as this “stranger” and try to become a better person in your real life, and after some time, try to approach her again in person as you.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Member]

Posts