[cmstred]

My inlaws have always been a bit too involved with our relationship. There was one point where my fiance and I got into a heated argument and I actually left for the night to cool off. Over night they came over and moved all of my belongings out of my home. This was a huge invasion of privacy and respect. Since then we have been able to resolve our issues and have been living together for a year. We recently had our son four months ago. They are back at it. Questioning my parenting and pushing for him to spend the night already!! I am not ready for this yet and have said it several times. They keep pushing! I had finally made arragments for them to watch him however I had to cancel because it just didn’t work. They got upset and called my fiance and resched!! They called him and got him on their side and now all three of them are against me. Am I being crazy for being upset about this?? they called and created a problem between my fiance and I ( I also offered the next day but they turned it down cause they were going fishing). Everytime they question me are they going to call me fiance and have me over ruled??? Do I have a right to be upset with my fiance for not taking a stand for me???

[April Masini, your AskApril]

In laws can break up a marriage. Since you’re not married, they can make your life miserable — but the truth is that they’re not the problem. You and your finance are. 😳

If you and your fiance can’t unite on parenting and relationship issues, his parents will definitely drive a wedge between the two of you….. but people can only drive a wedge if there is room for it to be driven. 😕

As for the specific problems you mentioned, let’s address them here:

1. You and your fiance had a fight a year ago, and I assume he called them and told them about it. They then moved your belongings out of the house. Here’s the solution: Remember that they didn’t move your things out of the house because they wanted to — he allowed them and he probably asked them to, or at the least, stood by and did nothing. Your beef should be with him, not them. Since you’ve been together and have a child together, why not have both your names on the lease or the title to the house? That way it would clearly be your house as well as his. 😉

2. Since your fiance’s parents want the baby to spend the night, and you’re not ready, tell them when you think you will be ready. Having free babysitting can be a big blessing! It doesn’t sound like they’re bad babysitters — it’s just that you’re mad at them. Maybe you can ask them to babysit for a few hours a week so you can get out and do something nice for yourself, or have a date with your fiance! 😉

3. You recently rescheduled a babysitting appointment for them, and they got upset and called your fiance to complain. Ask your fiance not to bring you these complaints. They’re not really important. And…. when you do reschedule with them, explain that sometimes things will come up and you might have to cancel — is that okay with them? Keeping them in the loop and on the same page with you (or trying to), will keep them from feeling so oppositional with you.

4. You said that his parents called and created a problem between you and your fiance. I don’t know the details, but the problem isn’t his parents. It’s your inability to come to a compromise with your fiance (and vice versa).

I hope that helps!

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