[lacy11]

I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 27. We have been together for almost three years and we are planning to move in together soon, so we are pretty serious about each other. However lately I’ve had a recurring issue come up. When we were first together we spoke about previous relationships and he told me about his first girlfriend and how they were together for so long and she broke his heart, he was 20 when they broke up. I had a feeling there were still a lot of unresolved issues there but i preferred to let it go. Over the years she’s come up time and again and now i really get bothered when he talks about her. The other day, he had a family issue and was very upset. He started talking about how he tries to please his family but he always messes up. I told him he needed to maybe separate himself and worry about starting his own life. During this conversation it somehow came up about how when he was 18 and he felt on top of the world, saying he had his “team” and he always had people to go to for advice.He had his girlfriend and his friends but it all ended when they broke up.It hurt my feelings because i feel like he’s constantly comparing how happy he was back then to how his life is now. It makes me feel like I’m not enough for him. Am i just fighting a lost battle, i sometimes feel as if even when he says i make him so happy, its not enough and he wishes he was back to being young and in love. Opinions? Thoughts?

[AskApril Masini]

Sometimes, it’s better not to make a mountain out of a molehill. 😉 It sounds like he’s working out some issues in his life — which is healthy — and he’s including you in the process, which is a way of building intimacy between the two of you. However, because you don’t have the same or a similar background, you’re starting to feel jealous over what he talks about that has to do with his ex-girlfriend. 😳 Sometimes people use their past to work through their present, and it can be a successful endeavor. However, this is an opportunity for you to talk about how this makes you feel — without cutting him off and making him not want to discuss things with you. If you come on too strong, you may end up cutting the channel of communication the two of you have, so try to talk about your feelings, without judging his. I know that that’s a balancing act, but I think you can do it. 🙂

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