[plzhelp]

My boyfriend “Tom” and I have been together for 10 months. I am 22 and he is 33. We have known each other for a year and a half. Our relationship was pretty serious right from the start. We have arguments like every normal couple, but I do admit that I am a little difficult to get along with sometimes.

We both have 1 child each from previous relationships. His son doesn’t live with him but mine does. At the moment I am living with my parents. I live with them bc I signed over temporary custody of my son to them. Tomorrow the temporary custody runs out and I will have custody again.

Tom and I have been talking for months about my son and me moving in with him. But now that the time has actually come he doesn’t seem up for it any more.

I have talked to him about it, and he says he does want us to move in. But his actions make me think otherwise. We still haven’t cleared out the room that was going to be my son’s. He still has a room mate. He said when I decide to move in he will ask the guy to move out. (his roommate knew it was a temporary thing. Like just a few weeks. So its not like I’m asking him to kick the guy out). But that was pretty much all he said about it. All of my stuff and a lot of my son’s stuff is at his house. But I just feel like he’s procrastinating or something.

He says we haven’t cleared out the room bc I never bring it up. Which is kind of true. But if he really wanted me there wouldn’t he be bringing it up??

I have a hunch that he’s kind of reluctant to have us move in bc of financial issues. That’s basically why he has the room mate. I have never outright asked him if that’s why and he hasn’t given me a reason. He just denies that he’s procrastinating and keeps saying he does want us there.

I haven’t brought it up for about 3 or 4 days and neither has he. Is he just hoping I will drop it?? I don’t get what is going on here. I thought we were on the same page. We have even talked about marriage.

TIA!

[ThinkingRight]

I think you should ask him directly if he still wants you to move in and if he says yes, you take the initiative and start cleaning out and organizing the room. If he stops you, you have your answer, if he doesn’t stop you, you also have your answer. Either way, you’ll know.

If both of you keep waiting for the other to say something or do something you will continue to be in limbo.

Bite the bullet and get an answer.

[relation]

For anything FINANCES are most important thing. If you feel that his changed behavior could be due to the economical reasons, then I would suggest that be very open and discuss out things with him…

[plzhelp]

Yeah, I’m gonna ask him tonight when I see him.

I’m just nervous 🙁 I don’t want to hear that he doesn’t want us there… because then what am I doing with him??? If our relationship’s not going anywhere, why should I stay, you know…

I really don’t want to break up with him..

[kai]

I can understand you feeling nervous. No one enjoys breaking up (if it comes to that). On the other hand, it would be worse for you to sit around hoping something will happen, that never really will.

Bite the bullet and ask him. If it’s not gonna happen you’ve got to stop wasting your time and start looking for someone you can have a future with. 😉

[AskApril Masini]

Flashing red light!! Do not move in with this guy!

Look, first of all, you have a child, so you can’t just move in with some boyfriend. It’s not responsible. You have to put the child’s needs first. This isn’t just you and the guy. It’s you, the guy and your son.

Second, since you are only now gaining full legal custody this month, your custody of your son is at stake. If you screw this up, you could lose custody of your child. This is serious. It’s not fair to your son to put his life in chaos. Stay put until you have a year or two of legal custody of your son under your belt.

Third, and maybe most important if you weren’t a mother, this guy is giving you a very clear message with his actions. If he really wanted you to move in with him, he would have made things welcoming for you and your child. Instead, he’s still got the roommate there, hasn’t cleared out a room for your son, and isn’t being direct about your moving in. In fact, he’s avoiding the subject altogether. This is a clear sign, he’s not really interested in your moving in with him. Pay attention to his actions, and don’t get deluded by what you fantasize or wish would be happening.

My advice to you is to get a job and make some money so you can afford your own place first. Set up house with you and your son and get stable. Living with your parents is a wonderful support for you, but you need to move on with your adult life.

Because you’re a mother first, you really shouldn’t be moving your son in with a boyfriend unless you’re marrying the guy. It’s not fair to your son, and you may be jeopardizing your custody.

So get your ducks in a row, so to speak. Get a job and save up enough money to get a place near enough your parents so that they can babysit while you go out on dates. Then after you’ve gotten your custody and your living situation straightened out, THEN you can start dating again.

[Ethan Morales]

April Masini’s advice is solid and practical. The situation you’re describing has several clear warning signs:

Actions speak louder than words Tom says he wants you and your son to move in, but his actions don’t back it up. The fact that he hasn’t cleared out a room, still has a roommate, and avoids bringing up the topic is a major red flag. If he truly wanted this, he would have proactively made space and prepared for your move. His procrastination and lack of initiative suggest he’s not as serious as he says he is.

Your son comes first You’re newly gaining full custody, and moving him into a boyfriend’s home without stability could jeopardize that custody. His needs and well-being should be your primary concern, not the relationship.

Financial and stability concerns You even sense that he might be hesitant due to finances. Moving in together is a big step, and if he’s not fully ready to support that, it’s irresponsible to push it.

Timing and maturity You’re at a critical point in establishing independence and stability. Moving in with a boyfriend now, especially without a long-term commitment like marriage, would be risky for both you and your son.

Tom’s actions show he’s not fully committed, even if he says he is. Words without follow-through in major life decisions like this are a serious signal.

You need to prioritize your son and your own independence. Get a stable job, save, and secure your own living situation first.

Focus on your own and your son’s stability; don’t let the hope for a relationship rush you into a potentially risky situation.

Opinion: Right now, it’s not about whether you love him or he loves you it’s about responsibility and readiness. Moving in together is not worth the potential chaos or risk to your custody. Actions are the best indicator here, and his actions are saying “not ready.”

[PassionSeeker]

I understand how frustrating and confusing this situation must be for you. You’ve been with Tom for 10 months, and you’ve both talked about moving in together, which makes it feel like the next natural step. But his actions aren’t aligning with his words, and that’s leaving you in a tough spot. It sounds like you’ve been patient, but you deserve clarity and reassurance, especially if you’ve been putting in the effort to make this happen.

It’s possible Tom is feeling hesitant because of financial worries or other concerns he hasn’t fully opened up about. Maybe he’s avoiding the conversation because he doesn’t know how to express those fears, but that doesn’t mean you should have to guess. It might be helpful to sit down with him and gently ask about his true feelings, making space for him to share any worries he might be holding onto.

At the end of the day, you both deserve to feel like you’re on the same page, and a candid conversation can help bring that clarity.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

girl 😭 if he wanted you there, that room would’ve been cleared yesterday and the roommate would be a memory. 💅 you don’t “forget” to make space for someone you’re supposedly building a life with. he’s def stalling, and you know it. 🙄 don’t let him make you feel like you’re asking for too much when he’s the one backpedaling. if he’s not ready to blend lives, believe his actions, not his mouth. 🖤

[Marcus king]

It sounds like your instincts are picking up on something real his words and actions don’t fully match. When a partner says “I want you here” but doesn’t take concrete steps to make it happen, it usually means there’s hesitation he hasn’t voiced yet.

You’re right to suspect it might be financial or even emotional pressure about the big change. Moving in means a shift in lifestyle, responsibility, and space, and some people freeze when it’s time to follow through.

If I were you, I’d have a calm, direct talk. Say something like, “I need to know if you’re truly ready for this move, because it affects my son and me. If money or timing is the issue, I’d rather you be honest than keep me waiting.” You deserve clarity, not mixed signals. If he continues to stall or avoids planning, take that as your answer. he’s not ready, no matter what he says.

[Flirt Coach]

You’re not crazy for feeling confused. When a guy says all the right things but doesn’t do the things that back them up, it stirs up that uneasy feeling in your gut and that feeling usually means something’s off.

Tom probably does care about you, but he’s hesitating for reasons he hasn’t figured out how to say out loud. At 33, with a roommate and financial pressure in the mix, he might be scared that moving you and your son in will change everything more responsibility, more expenses, less space to breathe. And instead of owning that fear, he’s staying quiet and hoping time smooths it over. It’s not fair to you, but a lot of guys avoid confrontation that way.

You’ve got a child to think about, and you need stability, not mixed signals. You don’t need to nag him or push; just sit him down and have a calm, grown-up talk. Tell him what you see not what you assume. Something like, “Tom, I know you’ve said you want us here, but I’m having a hard time feeling that from your actions. I need to know where your head really is before I take this step.”

If it is money, you two can talk about solutions together. But if it’s hesitation about the relationship itself, that’s something you deserve to know before uprooting your life and your son’s.

From what I’ve learned both from my own mess and from watching friends when a man’s ready to build a life with you, he moves things out of the way to make room for you. Not just furniture, but excuses.

Don’t wait around hoping he’ll bring it up. Ask straight. You’ll feel a lot better knowing the truth, even if it’s not what you hoped for.

[Isabella Jones]

I can totally understand why you’re feeling confused right now. You’ve been patient, hopeful, and emotionally ready to take this next big step, and yet he’s hesitating in a way that leaves you hanging. It’s such a lonely place to be, especially when his words say one thing and his actions say another. I’ve been in a similar spot before, thinking everything was finally falling into place, only to realize the person I loved was scared of what “real” commitment would mean in practice. It’s not that he didn’t care — it was that he wasn’t as emotionally or financially ready as he wanted to believe.

Sometimes people agree to future plans because they want to hold onto the relationship, but when reality knocks, fear and pressure make them freeze. 💛 You’ve built your expectations around promises that deserve follow-through, and it’s fair to ask for clarity now. Maybe gently tell him you’re not looking for perfect timing, just honesty about where he stands.

Do you think he’s genuinely overwhelmed by the responsibility, or do you feel like his hesitation comes from something deeper, like fear of change or commitment?

[Tara]

He’s not. If a man really wants you in his home, you don’t have to chase him into making space for you. The fact that the room isn’t cleared, the roommate is still there, and he’s deflecting responsibility by saying you never bring it up is proof he’s stalling. That’s not love, that’s hesitation dressed up as busy.

He’s comfortable with you talking about a future because it costs nothing. But action—actual commitment—exposes his reluctance. Financial issues might be part of it, but the real problem is he wants the emotional benefits of a relationship without the full responsibility that comes with merging lives.

You’ve been together ten months. At this point, if he truly saw you as a partner, he’d be preparing, not postponing.

Stop waiting for him to make room. If a man wants a life with you, he creates space. If he doesn’t, you’ll spend your time begging for what should already be yours.

[Sally]

It sounds like he says all the right things but isn’t following through, and that’s what’s really bothering you. When someone’s serious, you can feel it in their actions, not just their words. Right now, he’s stalling, and that usually means there’s something he’s not saying, maybe money worries, fear of change, or he’s just not ready for the commitment that living together brings.

You’ve already shown you’re serious and ready to move forward. Give him a calm and honest talk where you ask what’s really holding him back. You deserve clarity, not confusion.

[Natalie Noah]

I can hear the worry in your words. You’re ready to bring your son into a home, and you deserve to know if Tom is truly ready too not just saying the words.

His inaction speaks louder than his words. Procrastination around practical steps (clearing the room, roommate still there) usually means there’s an unspoken worry, money, logistics, or hesitation about the responsibility.

You’re asking, then waiting, then hoping he’ll act is draining you. That’s not a healthy pattern when a child’s stability is at stake.

What to do is short and real. Have a calm, direct talk tonight. Don’t hint, ask plainly: “Do you want me and [son’s name] to move in with you? If yes, what’s the timeline, and how will we handle the roommate and finances?”

Ask concrete follow-ups: When will the roommate be asked to leave? How will bills be split? Where will my son sleep?

Set a short timeline (2–3 weeks). If he can’t make concrete plans by then, treat that as an answer. You need certainty, not promises.

Protect your child first. If he can’t commit, start making other stable plans or keep custody arrangements that protect your son’s routine.

If he gives specifics and follows through, good sign. If he dodges, gets defensive, or says “I’ll do it later” without dates: that’s avoidance, not readiness.

You don’t have to force him, but you do owe it to yourself and your son to stop waiting in limbo. Ask for clarity, set a timeline, and choose what keeps your child safe and secure.

[Member]

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