[Awehope]

Dear April,
I met this guy in march- he owns a construction business with about 2-3 employees. He travels nonstop and works as he calls the nite to nite job- wakes up at dark early am and works till late nite pm. We met and fell for each other instantly- he’s taken me on dates when he can which is usually late nite n we hope that the kitchen isn’t closed by then lol. When he is in town- he comes to see me- but he’s never around. I see him like once a week or every 2 weeks. We text and sometimes talk. He had a bad marriage- divorced and he is young around 28. He’s scared- I know so! He says the only thing he can trust is work.

When I’m with him I feel so happy. My friends tell me to stay open N meet others- I go out and see other guys- but my feelings just aren’t the same! I have no interest for other guys. But will he ever come around to spend more time with me. When I ask him- He says as long as he has this job he can’t put much in right now. He says he likes me a lot and wants to be with me- but he says he’s unreliable and wants to but is busy with work and stuff,

My heart really wants to be with him. Actually I think I love him and he has no idea. I’m scared to say something cuz I might overwhelm him or because he’s so insecure- he thinks he’s not good enough for me- in actualiity he is the only one that I’ve met that would be best for me other than him not bring around and the commitment issue- what do I do- should I tell him n risk it!? I feel like just to have him in my life is good … But how come my heart hurts.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, you need to read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], a book I wrote for women. It’s got dating basics and more advanced tips and advice for winning the dating game. 😀 You’ll find that one of the tips is that you should NEVER tell him you love him first or chase him in any way — which includes telling him you love him first.

Men show you with their behavior how they feel about you, and sometimes their words sync up with their actions, which is what you’re lucky enough to have: clarity. Your problem is that you don’t like what you’re seeing and hearing, so you’re trying to fictionalize the truth so you can believe it, and then hold out hope for something that’s more palatable to you. 😳

The reality is that he’s said he likes things the way they are. I don’t know how long you’ve been dating, but at a certain point, if you don’t feel he’s serious about you and the relationship, even if you are, you should decide what’s more important to you, your goals (a monogamous, commitment from a man) or feeling good in the moment even if it means being miserable when you realize there’s not necessarily a future in the relationship. If it’s the former, this isn’t your guy and even though he has wonderful qualities, you’re not compatible because you have different goals and time frames. If it’s the latter, then expect more of the same.

If you do write back, please tell us all how long the two of you have been dating.

And follow me @AskApricom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Awehope]

He and I have talked since march 2011- we kinda broke at one point because he thought he was just teasing us – bit he kept checking in- I ignored him but replied at days response- then I realize I wanted him in my life than not having him at all- we missed each other and cared for lots. That separation if it was was for about 2weeks. But we just kept going as if nothing happened and I asked and he only replied”that he thought then that I deserved better and he was not good for me”

He knows that I want marriage and love. I don’t want to spend countless more years with someone that doesn’t want it either. What do I say or do? I feel Like the timing isn’t perfect. He puts me on the highest pedestal and tells me I’m perfect- and I told him not to bc I do have flaws but he won’t say do otherwise. I compliment him all the time but he thinks he’s not at all great! It’s like we both won’t let each other go cuz we want to be together but it’s hard for him because he’s always gone and unreliable bc of his job. What to say or do? It’s almost a year in march

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]If you do write back, please tell us all how long the two of you have been dating.
[/quote]

Still not sure when you first started dating. I realize you’ve been “talking” since March, but when did you first start to date?

[Awehope]

Well I guess I never established a label on it officially- so I don’t know :-/

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There’s a big difference between talking to someone and dating someone. Talking means you talk on the phone or on the video component of a computer, but you never meet in person. Dating means he invites you to a movie or dinner and he picks you up or meets you at the venue. You spend a few hours together, enjoy each other’s company, touch, kiss — it’s all in person.

So, did you ever go on a date with him?

[Awehope]

Oh yes we have been on dates- we’ve been to dinner… He’s cooked for me, he came to two of my parties abd met a few friends,we have wine nites when he comes over and we talk- most the time when he’s here we talk then cuddle- kiss-show affection and he usually stays with me till rhe next day but he always leaves early for work- so we haven’t had like a normal daytime day together like waking up and making breakfast because he always leaves to go to work. He explains that he just doesn’t have enough trustworthy help and he has do all the work himself. he just appeeciates that he has work unlike other people. I feel so lost maybe I’m just over thinking. Maybe I need clarity- feel like he’s so hot n cold.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It doesn’t sound like he’s ready for marriage, and it sounds like you are. The reason I suggested that you read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], is because it would help you understand how to win the dating game. People who take dating seriously do better at it.

If you [i]really[/i] want to be married, then you need to find someone who’s appropriate. Instead you’ve found someone who tells you you deserve better and who you feel is scared to commit, and has a work load that is objectionable to you, and you’re trying to make him someone who’s ready to commit. Just because he has nice — or even wonderful — qualities doesn’t mean he’s Mr. Right.

I don’t think this guy is going to give you what you want because he’s not ready for what you are ready for. I hope that helps — and please do buy and read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You can purchase it on the link I’ve just given you or on the websites for Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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