[invinciblesummer]

my boy and i have been together for a year and a half now; he started staying over at my place after our first kiss so we’ve been pretty much living together for the same amount of time. i love him and care about him deeply; he’s intelligent, attractive, relatively open-minded, doesn’t objectify women, and easy to talk to.. and i really liked that we were able to relate in many levels. i know he really cares about me – and he was thoroughly supportive when the contraceptive injection caused me to cry a lot and have severe mood swings.

but there are things about this relationship that make me wonder whether it’s best to just call it quits.

i found that he doesn’t really aim high; very little gets him excited or motivated, which raised a few questions in my mind. but the persisting quandary that throws me off at times are his immaturity (he doesn’t want to grow up.. the guy enjoys making stupid jokes about anal, pretend-punches me a lot, tries to scare me, and thinks “pretending” to kiss me passionately is funny) and “relaxed” (lazy) approach to relationships – they sometimes make me feel like i’m just a companion/buddy.. that does most of the chores and the groceries besides paying the rent. he doesn’t keep tabs of other peoples expenses (even though they’ve paid for him) and is usually only vigilant with his own spending money..

we didn’t really go through a “dating phase” because he thinks its stupid to follow “useless social practices that dont mean anything”. he doesnt believe in “the chase” or romance. in place of “dates”, we would cook at home/order take out/stay at my place to watch tv/movies he’d bring in.

he’s a bit of a homebody; and since he started his new job, he’s had a new excuse to just chill home and not plan anything. hence leaving it all up to me to think of what we should both get up to – as long as he’s interested in it. it stands to note that he did take a bit of initiative at the end of last year and took me to a few places when we didnt know how much longer we had together (there was a chance that i had to move out of the country).

while we’ve had a year of ups and downs, our “sour nights” have increased in frequency, and its usually me being unhappy about something he’s done or said. i sometimes ask him why he’s done that, and, as i try to put things into perspective to figure out the driving forces behind his words/actions, i tend to withdraw in silence. however, this in turn bothers him and makes the situation even worse after i’ve decided to brush it off.. coz by then he’s pissed off that i was frustrated, and wont even talk to me.

for some reason he’s decided to model certain passive-aggressive behaviors that i’ve slowly altered (because we’ve established that it wasnt helping), and justifies this by saying “well it was ok when you were doing it last time wasnt it?”

its come to the point where he gets annoyed at me for trying to resolve arguments or persisting questions before bedtime because “it becomes a long drawn out and unecessary conversation about something thats usually stupid. and you know i need my sleep for work the next day.” which i sometimes take on board, but irks me whenever i think about the times he didn’t have a job and kept me up all night with his incessant yammering (which i had to respond to otherwise he wouldnt let me sleep) despite the fact that i was sleep-deprived/had school/was working on essays all night.

this all just perpetuates a lot of negativity which pushes me away. it also stands to note that he’s unnecessarily critical of a lot of people and situations (“idiot” and “fuckface” are mainstays in his vocabulary) sometimes there’s a logic behind a tirade, but too much is too much.

it makes me sad how a smart guy like him can be so bitter;
and whenever he’s not complaining about something, he revels in his “youthfulness” by throwing me little slaps, or insults or jokes, which, in the absence of compliments (or generally just positive, encouraging words) and cleaning up after himself, as i’ve mentioned before, doesn’t make me feel like his girlfriend.

some days it feels like im dealing with a child.

i sometimes see the silver lining whenever he hugs me affectionately every now and then…

admittedly this is lack of relationship experience talking (this being my 2nd official boyfriend), but isn’t it supposed to be easier than this?

as it stands, he says its hard for him to not close me off because he feels vilified. like he’s constantly doing or saying something wrong, and has to be careful not to upset me.

after another disagreement the other night, i told him that i considered moving out of the city by myself, and found out that he has considered letting me go alone because he can’t seem to make me happy anymore.

we both think it’s got something to do with the injection…

part of me says, “break it off”
but the other part cant bear the thought of hurting him, of being alone again.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The way you describe him and this relationship, I think you should get your best running shoes out of the closet and sprint! He’s not a good match for you, and your reasons for staying are not good ones.

You’re afraid of hurting him by leaving? Seriously? Stay, and you’re going to end up bitter and angry. That will hurt him and yourself. 😕

And your fear of being alone is going to quickly be outweighed by your bitter life staying with a man who is all the things you describe in your post, knowing that there is DEFINITELY someone out there for you who is better than what you have at home.

Face your fears and make a better life for yourself. Read the book called Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], that I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. You can buy it at that link or on the websites for Barnes & Noble and Amazon. It’s going to lessen your fear because it will arm you with ways to assure your relationship happiness. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[invinciblesummer]

thank you for the response april, your input is very much appreciated!

i was wondering whether it would be possible to delete my post?

just that the boyfriend tends to troll the internet and i dont want to risk him finding this before anything..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome! 😀

[Member]

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