[guy]

i normaly never ask for any advice and i dont really know how to do this, how much info is needed…so i have been dating my girlfriend for almost 5 years now and for the first 3 years our sex life was amazing she wanted to try differnt things and change it up and try anything and she loved it, then for a while we had no sex life and now we have a very limited sex life. she never shows any interest and if i try to romance her she has a head ache or is tired or anyother excuse.and when it is that moment and i bring up the idea of adding a little more to the act rollplay, props ect.. she says she doesnt feel like getting them ou. i have expressed my position before and how i feel that a healthy sex life is very important in a lasting marriage and she allways agrees with me but nothing changes. we have talked about marriage and we both on the same page for time frames and ect( she brings up the marriage thing and the time frame and i agree so its now SHE feels about it). so i dont think that it has to do with not going anyplace with the relationship. we never have major fights the biggest fight is over what to listen to on the radio, i allways make her smile and have fun were ever we go. we have no problems in our relationship other then this sex issue and thats on my end.

i often ask her if she wants to go on a small vaction with me someplace just us as a romantic get away, she she never wants to allways has yet another excuse not to be alone with me.

i love her to death and would do anything for her, i fear failure as a family if we ever have kids and i think about if the sex life stays on the path it is now i dont think it will last forever. and i cant deal with that, i feel the same now as i did when i met her almost 5 years ago but i dont think that it is enough to make it last the rest of my life with no or a lousy sex life,do i cut my losses and wonder what if and posibly never find another one that i love as this girl or roll the dice and risk failing as a family and not being happy when i get older??? PLEASE HELP! i need some outside advise!

[AskApril Masini]

It’s definitely not over. Not yet, anyway.

For many women, sex is not as important or as recognized a need as it is for most men. It can be normal for your girlfriend’s sex drive to dwindle after a few years. In long term relationships a woman’s sex drive can go through peaks and valleys depending on physical and emotional changes. Stress can affect a sex drive, too.

The important thing for you to try and do is to get your sex life with your girlfriend back on track — or at least on a better track than it is now. Sex is important in the relationship and your girlfriend would be wise to understand that a healthy sex life in any relationship with a man is important. The best thing you can do is explain to her how sex is a crucial part of your well-being — and she is the one you want to have the sex with! Don’t make her feel defensive, but do explain to her that you need to have regular sex in your relationship with her in order for it to work out at all. The idea is not to give her an ultimatum but to let her know that without sex in your relationship, the whole thing won’t work.

I’ve written a great book for you and people like you who are in a coupled relationship and want to get the spice back in their relationship. It’s called Romantic Date Ideas and it will give you options for dates out and in that will help lead you and your girlfriend back to the track where sex is fun and integral to your relationship. You can click on the Dating Advice Books link above, and scroll down to find Romantic Date Ideas — and order it online, easily. I think this book will really help guide you back to romancing your girlfriend so she’s in the mood again.

Remember that long term relationships take work — and things like sex which once seemed to happen so easily and naturally, often take a little work (or sometimes a lot of work) to get back on track. But it sounds like so much else in your relationship is going well that it’s worth the effort to try working this out and not calling it quits.

[Anonymous]

Women are emotional & there priorities towards life is different they do love sex but on the other hand they want all the love & care from the person . I would like to suggest you that don’t force her for sex care for her a lot & understand her & then she will come again will come to you.

[sunshine]

No one said this, and I’m not sure this is great advice, but I don’t think I’d be in the mood if everything felt so ‘planned’ and everything felt so…’same old.

Maybe start working out, or just making yourself look extra handsome when you come home. Try out a new cologne, or even start doing your hair different.
Maybe even do things out of impulse more. Don’t plan to go to that restaurant, just go. Be more adventurous, and make things feel like..when you first met.

[AskApril Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Natalie Noah]

What stands out most in this situation is not just the lack of sex, but the pattern of avoidance and disconnect that has slowly crept into the relationship. A natural dip in libido over time is normal in long-term relationships, but what’s concerning here is that it’s paired with her avoiding intimacy altogether emotionally and physically. Turning down sex is one thing; consistently avoiding romantic getaways, one-on-one time, and deeper connection suggests there may be something unresolved beneath the surface. Sex often reflects the emotional health of a relationship, not just physical desire.

You’ve done something very important and healthy: you’ve communicated your needs clearly and respectfully. You’ve explained that sex is tied to your sense of connection and long-term happiness, and she verbally agrees but her actions don’t change. That gap between words and behavior matters. Agreement without effort can quietly breed resentment over time. Love alone, no matter how deep, is not always enough to sustain a relationship if a core need remains unmet and unaddressed.

Another key point is your fear not of losing her, but of building a future where you’re unhappy, unfulfilled, and possibly trapped. That fear is valid. Marriage and children don’t fix intimacy issues; they usually magnify them. Right now, you’re being asked implicitly to accept a version of the relationship that already feels like a compromise to your happiness. That’s not a small thing, and it’s wise that you’re thinking long-term instead of hoping it magically improves.

This doesn’t mean you must end things immediately but it does mean you shouldn’t ignore what your gut is telling you. Before marriage is even on the table, there needs to be honest exploration: couples counseling, deeper conversations about desire, emotional closeness, stress, health, or even whether her needs have changed in ways she hasn’t articulated. If she’s unwilling to engage in that work, then the real question becomes whether staying is an act of love or self-abandonment.

[Member]

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