[Lucas St]

[b]Maybe it’s possible, or just maybe not and I’m crazy![/b]

Hey Lovers this is going to be a bit long, but please do read. I will ask a question in the end. Thank you.

So, my name is Lucas and I’m 35 yrs old and live in UK (from Spain originally) (England). Ten years ago at University there was this girl, Mary, in my course. She was living with her at the time boyfriend. He dumped her, and she moved out of his place. Around 4 weeks after she got dumped her and I started seeing eachother intimately. And we kept seeing eachother for a few months, almost 10 months. What we had almost resembled a real relationship. The thing is that I fell really hard for her, and she never had the same feelings for me, but according to her she did care a great deal about for me. In short she never fell for me, because she was probably still in love with the guy that dumped her.

After a few months of ups and downs, mostly because I wanted us to become an offical couple and she was hesitant, we decided to give it a go. But it lasted only a short few weeks before she yet again began changing her mind and in the end dumping me. This led me to become something that I’m not really proud of, a very irrational and crazy person. I got really upset, had a few drinks and got little more upset. I went out drunk to find her, because I knew where she was. When I did find her I acted really bad, I was rude, pathetic and quite obnoxious. She was out with friends and I Ruined the evening for all of them. She tried to get rid of me, but could’nt. I followed her home. She refused to let me in her house. I got furious. Kicked the the door and broke it. I threw rocks at her window and broke them. She came out and I Spat in her face, not once but three times. I called her a whore and all types of nasty stuff. The police came and took me away and I had to spend the night in jail. Luckily I never was convicted of anything, because she was kind enough to not charge me for anything. I think mostly because she felt sorry for me, or maybe even thought I was damaged in the head.

After this had happened, a week later, I moved away from the town that we both lived in and studied at. I went away to another town very far away and continued with my education. At my new town and new university I started to think about my life and my choices. I realized that I never need anyone to make me happy, I never need anything outside of me to make me happy and to love myself. I realized that I’m the master of my outlook and thoughts.

Anyway I managed to get a Masters Degree in political science. I travled all over the world for a year, I’ve been to all the continents several times. I met new peolpe and made new friends. I have craed deply about women that have given me the pleasure to pass through my life.

Today I’m a successful Tv-producer and I’m even going into producing High budget movies. I never contacted Mary ans she never did contact me all these years. Latley I have thought about her alot. I really never forgot her in spite of all my expriences and success. I know where she lives today. I know what her occupation is and that she’s working overseas in Asia. But most of all I know that she’s single. I never forgot her, even though I did very nasty things the last time she saw me, we did have a great chemistry and a good genuine friendship.

I have missed her alot through the years. I want to correct the past. I want to not to have a big regret like this when I’m old. I want to become her friend again, and let her know that I’ve become a different person. I want to fall in love with her again, and start a family. I messed up in the end. But this can’t be life for me. I refuse to belive it.

I’m wondering if I should travel to Asia and see her, I know exactly where she is, so it would’nt be hard. But it’s been ten years since we last saw eachother. What do you guys think?
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[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]I want to correct the past. I want to not to have a big regret like this when I’m old. I want to become her friend again, and let her know that I’ve become a different person. I want to fall in love with her again, and start a family. I messed up in the end. But this can’t be life for me. I refuse to belive it.[/quote]

I’m not sure how you correct a past where you’ve been violent except to commit to a life of peace and charity. I’m not sure if you regret hurting her — or losing her. If you regret hurting her, then my advice is to make your life about promoting cures and help for those who suffer from domestic violence. If you regret losing her, then you have to really understand why you lost her, and address the cause of the loss — not the object of the loss.

I don’t think she is going to want to be with someone who was so violent with her, again. My advice is to accept the loss as part of your lesson and continue to embrace healing and spreading peace and cures for violence. 🙂

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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