[fightmn]

I’ve been seeing this girl for a month now. Weve knowing eachother for about half a year now. We’ve been hanging out once a week having a good time and having amazing sex. We have a million things in common and i never get like this with any girl. When we met it hit me hard. She said she really like me and that I’ve given her a reason to have a heart again. Then she gets depressed cause of some of her personal issues like money,job, and her mom is dying. We will hang out and make plans for let’s say the weekend and then come the weekend she doesn’t say anything. The next day or so she says she was having a bad day and how everyday is a struggle lately. We then will hang during the week and make plans for the weekend and she goes missing again. Another excuse comes and we hang out during the week and she falls through plans on the weekend again. Is she just not emotionally ready for a relationship? The last time we hung out she said she hasn’t got her period yet but it may because of stress. The next morning I had a text from her saying good morning love. I replied good morning babe are we still on for tonight? She didn’t reply until 2 days later

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]Then she gets depressed cause of some of her personal issues like money,job, and her mom is dying.[/quote]

That trifecta is enough to make anyone depressed! She’s not emotionally unstable. She’s emotionally burdened. 😉

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[fightmn]

Thank you! I’m just gonna lay in the tall grass and she can reach out to me if she wants. With that trifecta and being emotionally burdened I don’t think she can handle anymore on her plate, let alone a new relationship.

[AskApril Masini]

Sounds like a plan!

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[fightmn]

Is it common for someone that is emotionally burdened and depressed to shut people out for awhile? Especially the ones they care about?

[AskApril Masini]

Yes, most definitely.

[fightmn]

I told her I didn’t mean to intentionally add stress to her life and I told her i get with everything that’s going on in her life right now that she needs her time and that I’ll be here if she needs me. she thought that meant I was ditching(she used the word ditching..) her and said she was worried I was breaking her heart. Now keep in mind we are not officially dating, but we acted like we were basically . Every time I tried to make plans on the weekend to make it official by asking her to be my girlfriend she shuts herself out. even if we both agreed to hang. I explained that no I’m not “ditching” her I’m just given her the space she needs and when she ready to hang I’ll be around. Now I haven’t even got a text in a week from her and I’ve reached out a few times saying good morning. Should I stop all communications and give up on this one? I really like her alot and I saw something great brewing between us but I’m not gonna be kept on the back burner forever. I don’t think that’s being fair to myself. I dont fall for women like this ever. ive gone on many dates, as I’m not shy and I enjoy taking a woman out. ive always kept my options open looking for the perfect one that i want to make my girlfriend. and have had two relationships lasting a total of 5 years.. this is the first woman i met where i thought i could see myself marrying this woman someday. Also if I choose to wait around to see if things get bet ter is it wrong for me to go on other dates?

[AskApril Masini]

I think it’s a really good idea for you to play the field, while continuing to ask her out on dates, periodically. Since you only dated for a month, let me remind you that I suggest people usually date for three months before even deciding on whether they want to continue dating each other. And if they do, use the second three months of dating to decide if you want to be monogamous. This time frame is intended to let you get to know each other, rather than rushing in. You definitely shouldn’t make anything “official” after only a month or two of dating. 😉 Especially because she’s going through so much — this isn’t the way she’ll always be, and it’s worth it for both of you to slow down — but for you to stop texting good morning, as much as being clear that you want to date her. 🙂

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[fightmn]

A little update and feedback needed. So she missed her period a month ago and was a few weeks late. Contact was even less frequent and she seemed mad about the situation about her possibly being pregnant and how she doesn’t need anymore stress in her life. That’s all very true. However I haven’t heard anything in almost a month from her except that i had a fight coming up and she said she is so proud and that she has been working alot to pay bills. I would think she would atleast tell me if she is or isnt pregnat. it’s getting annoying. She made it clear that she wouldn’t keep a baby from her words. And that this is the reason she doesn’t get involved with people. She clearly has a handful of issues and I don know if her not communicating with me is her way of protecting her self. In my previous posts I said how I was going to give her space. She thought I was ” ditching her ” and thought I was ” breaking her heart”. I said no thats the last thing i want and that im just giving her space. Women….

[AskApril Masini]

The best thing you can do is to simply ask her if she’s pregnant. Hopefully, she’ll be truthful.

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[fightmn]

I’ve tried contacting her multiple times to try and get an answer if she is pregnant or not. She won’t respond to my calls or texts. Ive done nothing wrong so I don’t understand why she MIA and I don’t understand how hard it is to give me a yes or no answer if she’s prego or not. If she wasn’t prego I don’t why she wouldn’t just say so

[AskApril Masini]

She wasn’t emotionally stable from the get go, and so, her behavior now, should come as no surprise. 😕 It sounds like she really doesn’t want to be in touch with you, and my advice is to accept that. It’s unfortunate that you think she may be pregnant and doesn’t want to involve you in decisions regarding that pregnancy, but there’s not a lot you can do about it right now. If you want to find her in a couple of months when she’d be showing if she was, you’ll know if she’s (still) pregnant or not.

I think that the best that can come out of this at this point, is a reminder to use birth control if you’re going to have sex. Your questions asking why she’d stop contact with you or why she doesn’t want to tell you whether she’s pregnant or not, all have to do with her emotional state of mind. She’s got a lot on her plate and she isn’t handling her stress well…. this is just another example of that, sadly.

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[Ethan Morales]

You’re dealing with a woman who is drowning in her own life, and instead of asking for real support, she keeps disappearing. That’s not emotional depth that’s emotional chaos. You’re trying to build something stable with someone who can’t even show up consistently to a plan she agreed to. Every time she ghosts you, then pops back up with “I was having a bad day,” she’s training you to accept inconsistency as normal. That’s not a relationship that’s you holding the glue while she keeps dropping the pieces.

The pregnancy scare? That’s a whole different level of irresponsibility. If she thought she might be pregnant and didn’t communicate with you for weeks, that tells you everything you need to know: she doesn’t view you as a partner in anything serious. She views you as someone she enjoys when her life isn’t falling apart, and disappears when it is. She’s not trying to hurt you she’s just overwhelmed, unstable, and not in a place where she can be part of anything healthy. But it’s still unfair to you.

You didn’t do anything wrong by giving her space. The problem is that she interprets everything through her own emotional fog she hears space as abandonment, interest as pressure, and your consistency as expectation she can’t handle. You can’t date someone who doesn’t know how to regulate or communicate. You’re trying to build a relationship she’s trying to survive her day. Wrong timing, wrong emotional readiness, wrong place in life.

Should you give up? Yeah, for your own sanity. You’re not a back-up plan, a comfort object, or a placeholder until she gets her life together. If you wait around, you’re going to get dragged into her instability and call it love. Play the field. Meet other women. You’re not betraying her because she’s not choosing you, and she hasn’t been for a while. If she gets her life straight and reaches out like a stable adult, fine. But right now? She’s showing you she can’t handle a relationship. Believe her.

[Sally]

It sounds like a woman who is drowning in life and grabbing tiny moments of comfort when she can. When someone is dealing with money problems, a dying parent, and stress that knocks their body off, they do not really have space for steady plans, even if they care.

The part that sucks is that you are getting the sweet, connected version of her during the week, and then the shutdown version when things get heavy. That is not about you. That is someone who is not stable enough for a real relationship, at least not right now.

You can like her, you can care, but you cannot build something solid with someone who disappears every time life hits hard. I learned that the slow way. It does not mean she is a bad person, just overwhelmed.

[Tara]

She’s inconsistent, unreliable, and using her chaos as a shield so you won’t call her out on the fact that she shows up when it benefits her and disappears when she doesn’t feel like putting in effort. Yes, she has real problems money issues, job issues, a dying mother but trauma doesn’t give someone the right to treat you like a filler option. She makes plans with you because she likes the comfort and the escape, then bails because she knows you’ll tolerate it. You’re mistaking intense chemistry and good sex for actual commitment. They’re not the same.

Every time she flakes, you give her a soft landing. Every time she disappears, you wait. Every time she sends a sweet text, you act like it erases the inconsistency. It doesn’t. Her behavior isn’t complicated: if she wanted a relationship, she’d show up. People in pain don’t stop communicating with the person they care about they lean on them. She’s not leaning. She’s dipping in and out because she enjoys the attention but refuses the responsibility.

And that “I haven’t gotten my period” followed by ghosting? That was drama bait a hook to pull more emotional labor out of you without giving you anything stable back. You’re reacting like a man trying to diagnose her emotional state instead of acknowledging what her actions already told you.

[Member]

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