[seekinganswers]

I have a male friend that I have had for the past several months. I have been attracted to him from the beginning. He always tells me that he cares for me and I believe it. When I am away he text me and says that he misses me. We work out together, occasionally go out to eat toghether, or hang out with some of our other friends. The problem is that I have really fallen for him and don’t know how to tell him. I decided to stop telling him that I care about him too and decided to just simply say I care for you. It was my attempt at sort of telling him that I love him. I fear losing the friendship if he doesnt feel the same. The problem is that nothing has changed. We have everything the I want in a relationship except no physical intimacy. We have talked on every topic immaginable. We have also shared some very private intimate secrets. I am confused as to where to go from here. I have decided that he is not interested in me as a girlfriend but it is so hard to be so close to him feeling the way that I do. I tried to pull away from him but he only called and text to see if I was ok and to tell me that he misses me. Its almost like he loves our relationship the way that it is and doesn’t want to let go.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice to you is to stop seeing him by 75%. You’re spending (wasting) way too much time on a man who is not interested in you as his girlfriend. 🙁 If you allow yourself to fall in love with someone who doesn’t like you enough to take you on a date and kiss you at the end of it, and treat you as someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with, your self esteem needs a (giant) boost. 😮

All too often women find men who are [i]soooooo[/i] wonderful, and they are best friends (yeh, right 😕 ) with each other, and then they wonder why they’re still single after spending weekends, evenings and tons of text time, phone time and e-mail time with these guys. The answer is: Don’t waste your time (or his) with someone who isn’t Mr. Right if that is in fact what you’re looking for.

You’re attempt at adjusting your semantics when you tell him you you care, is almost laughable, as you think that that may actually make things better. Wake up! This guy would have asked you out, made a move or declared you his girlfriend if he had any interest (or ability) in having a romantic relationship with you.

Not only is it time for you to move on, and make yourself available to other men, it’s time for him to see he can’t continue to monopolize your time at this rate. So step up your own game, and step away from him.

You’d get a lot out of reading my book, Think & Date Like a Man, which you can order online by clicking on the Dating Advice Books link, above.

Good luck — and do let me know how it goes.

[Trixie Ann]

For me, you need to stop hinting and be clear. If you have real feelings, tell him directly instead of hoping he reads between the lines. Right now he’s comfortable with how things are close, emotional, but without commitment. If you don’t define it, nothing will change.

If he doesn’t feel the same, you may need space to protect your feelings.

[Member]

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